How To Deal With Passive Aggressive Communication

[janjans]

I find the role play educational! Thank you!

[aaronjohn]

I learned that "Fine" really meant Frightened-Insecure-Nervous and Enraged. What took me time to do was trust myself and have the emotional verbal skills to advocate for myself.

[universaltruth]

I just did that (called her out on it and asked what was the problem) to a friend who has been passive aggressive and dropping hints she was annoyed at me for quite a while. All I got was gaslighting back. That’s all you’ll generally get back from most passive aggressive communicators I think. That’s the whole point of them being passive aggressive. They want to attack you and express anger but get away with it by claiming they aren’t.

[nsanders]

I picked up the phrase "I don't respond to subtext." I had to have this convo with my Mom. If you tell me you are okay, but act like you aren't, I am going to believe what you tell me over anything else. If you want me to acknowledge something else, then tell me whatever it is. Without that, I'm not catering to your subtext. Edit: this is different than ignoring them, as other people are suggesting. That's not the same thing. People don't need to be punished for doing something you might find irritating... their feelings matter, too, even if they are being express indirectly in a way that annoys or rattles you. Just tell them outright "I see what you are doing and I cannot abide, so I won't. You are safe to tell me the real problem, and if you don't want to, that is your choice. Alternatively, it is my choice not to submit articles into a dynamic I disagree with." Simple as that. If they can't or won't learn the skills to be direct, rethink the depth of your involvement with them. Easy peasy

[Shavon-Mecole]

I’ve learned that people who are passive aggressive may not even realize that they are in fact not being direct or repressing there feelings. Modeling direct communication and assertiveness helps to provide to them how to engage.

It’s up to them to decide to do the work to learn how to engage in a healthy way. I love the examples! Thank you for the visuals. Great work!

[lianav]

For me personally, I have learned to allow this person to sulk or pout as long as they wish, and absolve myself of the responsibility to MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER for them.

[Katarina]

Unfortunately telling them this wont make them change. My husband is this way and after years of talking to him about it, i finally put my foot down and ignored him when he started the passive aggressiveness. Guess what happened? He gradually stopped it after he saw that it doesn't irk me anymore.

[ladyofspa]

Keep these coming. Years of therapy in one minute.
Just need healthy responses displayed😊🎁

[thejillykilly]

Man, I LOVE these example conversations ❤

[scenepunk]

When my bf does this I just say clearly u are not so just tell me whats wrong. Then if he doesnt I drop it and pretend like everything is ok and give him some space. Once he calms down he usually apologizes and tells me what was wrong and we talk it out. If then it seems like I was in the wrong I apologize too.

[carriescully]

I love this direct communication but I’m scared to use it because passive aggression like this usually leads to me getting blasted/belittled/shamed. Would love to see more of what happens afterwards and how to keep that healthy boundary in place in the face those things I listed above.

[gardengyal.]

Realizing that I can come off as passive aggressive, because I gaslight myself into not having a problem with things outside of myself apparently it’s my fav form of spiritual bypassing

[Liusila]

This was me and my ex for 3 years. I had to pull out why he’s upset, yet he would demand that I share every detail of my emotions - positive or negative. Great times.

[boxedbutbetter]

This is one reason why I'm extremely hyper vigilant. I have to fight that hyper vigilant response daily. My mom did this a lot which is why I still struggle to believe anyone when they say they're ok. Sadly, I always assume they're lying because that's what I was trained to learn in my younger years.

[markouellette]

This is giving the Passive aggressive partner what they want. The silent treatment and huffing is intended to elicit a pursuit by the partner. They are attempting to get you to react, this rewards the behavior. You can do this, but expect the behavior to continue. Better is to ignore the passive aggressive behavior and take what they say at face value. When they respect you enough to communicate like a mature adult, THEN you can address issues.

[haileybetancourt]

I think this is the better way to approach this. Most often when partners react passive aggressively it’s because that’s just how they’ve been raised to react. It doesn’t make them an awful person as long as they are open to doing better

[__SAK__]

The problem is that when we do speak our minds, the other person isn't open to talking about it & can't deal. They put you down and invalidate your feelings. So, we develop a passive-aggressive relationship over time.

[salvadormuro]

Good one! Seems like a better option than just “okay”. Sometimes you don’t want to pry the answer out. Gets really old. But can come across to other person as uncaring. Their problem yes, but tricky to be around. Hard not to let it effect your day. If I’m ever like this, I like hearing okay, I’ll be here if/when you need, take your time. Usually takes about 5 mins of trying to convince myself it’ll be okay to talk but also recognizing if I’ll be in a place where my emotion would outweigh my ability to keep a respectful tone or not. Sometimes I wait it out until I know I won’t say anything stupid. And the patience from the other person is incredible, and try to express that. Thanks for sharing again ❤

[katsummers]

I directly communicated with my passive aggressive friend exactly like this.

She responded by telling me we weren't friends anymore, and she hated me because I was too demanding.

It was only after she was gone that I realized I was being emotionally abused.

[absolve]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I love how she said “I want a relationship where we can tell each other what we want and need directly!!! “ YEs. This is a boundary and the consequence is relationship is over!
Or at least someone becomes willing to do the work into why they have a hard time being direct.
It’s ok to say what I want and need in relationships.