Passive Aggression | The Signs

If you're noticing that your interactions are becoming more passive-aggressive, it's time to take action! Passive aggressiveness is a common problem and can lead to many negative consequences. If you're feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, it might be time to identify and deal with passive aggressive people at work or passive aggressive behavior in a loved one, parent, or really any type of relationship. In this video, we'll discuss how to spot the signs of passive aggressive people and how to start dealing with passive aggressive people.

Passive aggressiveness is a behavior that's often difficult to recognize, but if you deal with it early on it can be very helpful in restoring relationships and resolving conflicts and to empower someone to stop being passive aggressive. Watch this youtube video to learn how to identify and deal with passive aggressive people safely and effectively!

00:00 Intro
00:20 The psychology of passive aggressiveness
00:38 Examples of passive aggressive behavior
01:34 What causes passive aggressiveness
02:06 Passive aggressiveness vs overwhelm
02:43 How to deal with passive aggressive people
04:18 Habitual passive aggressiveness vs one-time
07:50 Final advice on passive aggressive people

#relationships #relationship #relationshipadvice #psychology #mentalhealth

[oops]

Had a passive aggressive mother, brother, and 10-year partner. I’m now 30 and I will absolutely not tolerate passive aggression anymore without calling it out on the spot. It’s exhausting behavior

[wmlam]

It can be they are jealous of you. Passive aggressiveness is a great technique to destroy you in a sneaky way.

[healerscreek]

Vulnerable narcissists employ passive aggressive techniques, then say they were only joking when confronted. I say to them that it felt more like a verbal punch than a punchline.

[moonhunter]

No. Calling someone out for being "passive aggressive" is NOT passive aggressive, it may be confrontational or even "actively aggressive" but calling people directly out is not passive aggressive!!! It most likely won't be useful though because the whole point of a person acting passive aggressive is so that they can deny culpability and responsibility. They can make you suffer or get you back without owning up to their anger.

[theunboiledfrog]

Blanking people, responding to them in a dismissive manner, not replying to requests directly, leaving the person hanging.

[janetttyminski]

Our receptionist is passive aggressive because she dislikes me intensely. I’m not going to fix this with any rational discussion. (1) the main tactic I use is to pretend I don’t notice her negative behavior. I am always polite. (2) I avoid interacting with her as much as possible. (3) I try to only ask her questions if our supervisor is present. Our supervisor suggested I be extra nice to the receptionist. I tried that for 18 months. It did NOT make one bit of difference.

[imaanadams]

My mother in law was like this to me for five years that she was living with us. I realize now she was hurt and hurting me because I was the easiest person for her to take out all her frustrations on, and her intention was to exert control and to try and get a bad reaction out of me. In the end she had to leave our home, and I can never live with her again but I forgive her, I feel like if she could've been more mature about having a daughter in law take all her son's attention and essentially taking her place, we could have lived together all of us in harmony. But she let her base self take the driver's seat and so now I know what I know and I will never put myself in an unhealthy situation ever again because it led me to anxiety, depression and a nervous breakdown. For any mother in law who are reading this, it's never been a competition, don't sabotage yourselves. Learn to open your hearts, there's enough love. Love is such a thing that it doesn't get exhausted by the increase in number of people.

[Enchanteralle]

If the passive aggressive person is not receptive or willing to change, confronting them isn't going to work; they'll most likely be defensive. You can speak up and try to set boundaries, but every situation and person is different. I guess not everyone can have the opportunity to walk away from one (ie you have to work with them, they're within your circle of friends, etc), but if you can, just remember these people don't add value to your life. Do your thing. I find that a large portion of passive aggressive people may be jealous of others, insecure, and may not unhappy with their lives. If you're confident, happy with your life, able to communicate efficiently, and have kindness, you're less likely to behave passive aggressively towards those around you.

[QueenHalo]

The times I’ve engaged in passive aggressiveness is when I didn’t know how to communicate efficiently and I felt pity towards the person. It was my inner child controlling me in the moment. Learning how to communicate in more productive and mature ways helps!

[lt]

One aspect that is not mentioned but very key to this behaviour is people behaving in a passively aggressive way is a desire to avoid responsibility. They do not do something they promised to do when someone else is counting on them. If they do this enough, they will no longer be asked to do that task. Worse in a personal relationship as in a business one you might eventually get fired. Alternatively, they can claim “I’m not to blame”. I didn’t do anything wrong. They view doing something that should not be done as far worse than Not doing what they ought to have done.

[diannerussell]

I have noticed a huge increase in this behaviour after the Covid crisis. Of cause this behaviour has been going on forever in workplaces, schools, churches, even by snarky shop workers displaying sarcasm and catty remarks towards customers, and don’t get me started about passive aggressive body language, if look’s could kill. I think a lot of this behaviour comes from having bad social skills and a lack of grace and manners. People are twisted that get off on cheap power kicks to make them feel good about themselves. These kinds of people also gossip behind your back and even if you don’t tell them anything about yourself they will make up a story to bring you down. I refer to these kinds of people as snakes, they are well behaved sometimes yet they can strike like a venomous cobra spraying their projectile venomous vomit on you. 😢

[noryie]

this gives a lot of respect to passive aggressive jerks in the family and at the workplace. there's an extremely passive aggressive person at my work that's so bad, every single sentence is passive aggressive. no, I'm not exaggerating. every single sentence. I've confronted him in that way, respectfully, until I started making fun of him passive-aggressively and he backed off.

[NoName]

What about passive aggressiveness as a defense mechanism? For example, I grew up with a narcissistic sibling who would shut me down whenever I attempted to express myself. As you're well aware, narcissists don't care what you think, feel, etc. They would throw a fit of rage if I tried to stand my ground, sometimes worse. Since I was the youngest in my family, there was really no defending myself from a physical standpoint so I resorted to using passive aggressive behavior to basically fight back. While I'm not proud of it and I recognize that the behavior isn't healthy, how does one address this trait when it was used as a form of survival from abuse and stuck with me into adulthood?

[mammajamma]

If you're an employee dealing with a boss or higher-up behaving like this, you're gonna get fired following any of this advice. Just go to HR, or start looking for another job.

[deezevs]

I grew up in a multi generational household whereby my depression era grandparents (married 50+ years) and my mom/uncle were matter of fact direct. Very much stoicism but didn’t realize that until recently…I cant physically handle passive aggressive. I slice right through it. Just like this lady suggests… i dont have time for it. My spirit and vibes wont allow it.

I also think that if you can demonstrate that the bullshit doesn’t phase you because of your respectful directness, they usually chill out

[aprilmonique]

I think they also use passive aggressive as a way of thinking their coworker won't catch on to the message their really trying to convey. They may also use it as a way to avoid trouble with HR but most HR departments are aware of this. ✨️

[naiyalexic]

It seems like children learn passive-aggressiveness when they're taught that their feelings are inappropriate, or when they're taught that it's not okay to be angry, or they "have" to forgive others. It seems like a natural emotional response to unintended oppression. Keeping things buried doesn't typically work, because we're not made that way. Self-awareness, mindfulness, and self-honesty seem like the best ways to handle it, once we're aware. Dealing with others is more of a challenge... :)

[SuperS_US]

What if they are in your family and play the victim all the time and won't change?

[jnanashakti]

This still feels very murky. The way it was described really lends itself to further toxicity. Someone could misinterpret a behavior and label someone passive aggressive. Non-blaming and non-judgmental are interesting concepts, but if someone said to me "hey, you've been responding in these ways..." or "this part of the project is important and we need to figure out how to..." I would still see the blame there.

[ap]

Both me and others around me engaged in passive agressive behaviours. I now realise how damaging it is and try to learn to be more honest and assertive about my needs in a direct way. My passive aggressiveness stemed from not feeling I could express safely my needs and wants and thinking at the same time the others are trying to control my choices. It wasn’t that I wanted to harm or control or belittle the other person(as I’ve experienced others that did do that), but rather defend myself in a way I felt more comfortable. But that wasn’t efficient nor fair to others in some cases.

For example, I had a personal crisis where I didn’t know if I wanted to pursue the degree I was pursuing. I was also probably depressed at the time. I started not studying so well. I saw my parents reaction - they were angry, and I perceived that they only cared about my reputation to others, not about my well being. It’s a complex history also with me and my parents. I felt I couldn’t express safely to them that I did not want to pursue that degree so I started failing at it. It was a poor choice, as I see it now.

Also, when others around me make backhanded compliments…I have had backhanded responses - for defence. But I saw that wasn’t efficient and you have to call them out on their behaviour so that behaviour stops.