How To Deal with Passive Aggressive People - Jocko Willink

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Excerpt from JOCKOPODCAST 49

[jessephillips]

NEVER let someone else turn their problems into your problem.

[qpvghou]

Most passive aggressive people are very insecure. The whole passive aggressive thing is just smoke and mirrors game to hide these insecurities

[tomquinn]

Most passive aggressives will deny it when you call them out and try to make it seem like you are the problem.

[JoshLewisGrowth]

Ask passive aggressive people to define their terms.

Such as:
“What do you mean by that?”
Or
“Why are you saying that?”

Call them on their passiveness - point it out - it will be uncomfortable for both of you - but every time I have done this the person knows that they will be called on it and we are able to get quicker to what that person is trying to say.

Try it - also - don’t be afraid to call it out. Passive aggressive people are always mostly just hurt and afraid of being more hurt. Remember that.

[Tylerish]

Boy From Arkansas: Whacks snake against tree.


Snake: I trust you now.

[JulioGonzalez-ycwu]

Passive aggressive people are cowards with a hostile mentality.

[jdt]

I want to get to Jockos level where it doesn't bother me. I'm actually embarrassed with myself when insecure people make me insecure. Great advice!

[ExtremelyTastyBread]

"Bring it out in the open. Expose the ambush." That's it right there

Instructions unclear, whacked my friends against the tree and collected their saliva.

[TASconfidential]

At work, and in business, the best way to deal with a snake is to destroy them. Here’s how:
1.) in the workplace, make allies through your work, build relationships and gain their trust. Once you get more creditors from your peers and leaders (the ones that matter), than your enemy, then you have an advantage over your enemy.

2.) Document everything, keep emails, notes, and tabs on everything, but do it privately.

3.) Don’t respond to sarcasm, ever.

4.) Find as many faults in the enemy as you can. Use their faults to your advantage, by excelling in things that they are weak in.

Combine all of these things together, and you’ll eliminate the snakes, or they’ll fall back and leave you alone.

[davidkonevky]

Passive Agressive are the two worst things you can be in life, hostile and cowardly. If you're going to be hostile, at least go all the way, instead of using sneaky tactics to keep your reputation

[denebvegaaltair]

The really horrible thing when we face passive aggressiveness is that we always take the first hit. We don't expect it and often don't figure out what the snake is doing until a minute later.

[danieldpa]

“I have high hopes on people but no expectations”

Brilliant 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[Mokimanify]

I. " Snakes " don't ever stop trying to bite or " poison " you. A dismembered snake head will continue to bite.

II. They have a personality disorder and you are not going to fix it, or make them think anything other than what they want to think.

III.Snakes want to think they are better than you.

IV. Snakes will always think they are better than you and will always look for an opportunity to bite you; if only to satisfy a need for their own sick self gratification.

[aikishugyo]

"They're attacking your ego". Oh man, that just clicked for me.

[erikjarandson]

Remain calm and patient. Make your decisions and choices based on the facts and arguments. Appear oblivious to their power games. There's a certain likelihood that they'll never affect you in any real way. However, pay close attention. The one concession to not letting them affect your choices is that you mustn't allow yourself be maneouvered into a defenseless position, a position where you're entirely dependent of factors that they can control or predict. Study their methods, figure out their motivations, and learn to predict their games. If things get serious, they'll start building a device (trap, case, coalition) against you. Make sure you can match it with both defence and offense. In this case, a good defence may be the best offense; failure will expose them, and they don't do well in the open. Thinking that you're oblivious, they'll be surprised by any competence you show. At some point, you may want to show a little of your hand, as a warning, to prevent confrontation in the first place, but never show your full hand. If it does come to a confrontation, show no quarter. You can't make peace with snakes. Expose them completely, leaving them no weapons, or get them out of your life completely, or gain complete dominance over them in the shared arenas. Importantly, make sure you're right, and that they really are snakes. A strategy that works well against snakes will get you killed against a grizzly.

Really, though, I'm not sure dealing with people like this can be taught. This level of analogy (snakes and grizzlies) are a sure indication that there are a lot of difficult judgement calls involved. Defeating "snakes" has a lot to do with controlling yourself, rather than anything or anyone else. It comes with time, in part from general maturity, and in part from experience.

I guess the only really useful advice is in my first sentence: "Remain calm and patient."

I'm not deleting everything else I wrote, though. I should, but I won't. It took me several minutes to write that, and I'm not replacing it with just four words. If anyone is still with me, replace it in your mind. Also, my apologies.

[danialteaches]

What an interesting way to interact with passive aggression. Not letting it tick you off. Amazing.

[tauceti]

This is a big problem for me, just the cuddly giant. I don't like confrontation. Love being motivated and working, to 'get ahead'. I often get front loaded with others work, get behind. Then axed.
I used to get extremely upset for getting played, why don't others see my value.
They do, but they see it when I'm gone when they have to do their work again.
Understanding the metaphor of "Flank, or be Flanked" has really helped me a lot.
Just understanding my personality, and not letting it be absued, but still,
that friendly open atmosphere, welcoming and inspiring others with my enthusiasm.
Go get it bruisers!

[m.taylor]

"if you don't play with the snakes, you don't get the antivenom". God damn, Jocko... You're like the everyman's Confucius. Powerful words.

[RiseAgainst]

So relatable. My childhood best friend is a passive aggressive asshole (somewhat) and the best way to deal with him is by
1) Don't hold onto his invalid criticisms like a grudge.
2) Don't have an ego
3) Be demeaning in their own way. Make it a point to rub it in their face when they need help.
You might think this would sour relations but I've noticed PAs get pretty respectful once they realize you're going to act the same way to them.
Compartmentalizing is key though. Don't go out being an asshole to everyone.