12 Passive Aggressive Tactics Covert Narcissists Love To Use

Covert narcissists are defined by the "skill" of trying to appear normal even as they maintain all the primary ingredients of the narcissistic pattern. Along with their conniving schemes, they commonly disguise their anger with passive aggressive behaviors. Dr. Les Carter points out 12 of their most common tactics, and as you become aware of their motives, you will be positioned to move away from their snares.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[foxforever]

The frustrating thing is trying to explain to friends and family what's going on; they fall for the covert's dishonest narrative and wild-horses can't get them to discern the truth!

[JessicaJLandi]

12 Passive Agressive Tactics
1)
2) "forget" to help after offering to help
3) "forget" having talked about issue
4) manipulate through loaded questions
5) play the victim role
6) smear campaign (triangulation)
7) back-handed compliments
8) excluding you from events/gatherings
9) ignore you and act innocent
10) critical with moral high ground act
11) silent treatment
12) acting nice while having contempt

[gracebotelho]

One of the worst types of narcissists is the covert one. This person may look very charming, friendly, sophisticated, helpful and so on, but in fact these people are the most deceiving, hateful, emotionally flat, insensitive and the list goes on and on. If we cannot get rid of them immediately, we should at least ignore them and not play their games. Then whenever we can we should get away from them for good. These are evil creatures!

[joshdance]

Overt narcissists are so much easier to deal with because everything is out In the open. Covert narcissists are pretending to be something they're not, and more often than not, they are very good at playing that part. Humble, low key, caring etc. They are great actors, and sadly they often believe their own bullshit.

[theresaisgriggs]

Their silent treatment used to break my heart ...but now....I just THANK GOD for it ....lol

[thatonepianoguy_]

“The noblest kind of retribution is not to become like your enemy” - Marcus Aurelius

[lifetimeactor]

What is so aggravating is their lack of communication and fear of confrontation. There are so many guessing games with these people. Sometimes maybe I sense that I did, or said, something they don't like, but when I ask them if I did something that bothered them they act like everything's fine. In actuality, they want me to continue the behavior so they have something they can secretly hold over me that I do "wrong." It gives them an illusion of moral superiority. These are the only people I know who smile when they're angry.

[alexanderunguez]

It took me so long to realize why I was constantly exhausted until I went no contact with my dad. When you're experiencing this from family, you're trained from birth to justify these damaging behaviors, and you don't realize that your health is being destroyed.

[Joseph-drsi]

The rolling of the eyes, in my opinion is a dead giveaway that the creature believes it is greater than you and you are just not worthy of anything.

[kaycarter]

Everything said in this session is a replica of what I experienced. I left my husband 5 weeks ago and I want you all to know there is a life after leaving a nark and you do start to feel better. You start to realise ur self worth. Im getting my humour back now and enjoying life just being me.

[johnsmith-rdzx]

they want the ability to harm me but get upset when i harm them back in self defense

[ArilenaMoon]

"They act like the relationship with you doesn't exist." Pretty much sums up how one feels in a relationship with a narcissist. All of these are so spot on.

[RA-sdkf]

I keep giving the narcissist in my life the benefit of the doubt only to be reminded of who they really are. These videos help keep me on the path not to let this person keep me from being my best self.

[thecasualreviewer]

I am SURROUNDED with these types of people.

[johnniefelts]

Yep, you nailed it!! Divorced 6 months ago after 37 years of marriage to a covert narcissist. You described him perfectly!

[davideasiebert]

A friend that frustrates me to no end....do I need her in my life? When she pulled a classic gas light effect on me, instead of getting mad or hurt, I remembered how good it feels to love myself warts and all. I told her that I have my share of flaws and faults and I work on them to be the best version of me I can be. You have a negative effect on this process and I believe we need to part friends, I wish you well. As I walk away she became belligerent and vocal but I left without acknowledging her. you cannot have a positive life surrounded by negative people. You don't need to point out their flaws they already don't want to see them.

[lifewithapurpose]

saw this sign/pic on yt:
*"some people aren't speaking to you because they OWE you an apology"*

headline was:
*"shout out to all the women [everyone] healing from things no one ever apologized to them for"*

[williamfry]

I first recognized my wife's communication as passive aggressive. It drove me Crazy, angry, guilty, insulted, confused. I finally realized she was a Narcist. I have finally decided to disconnect and not react . The Grey Rock

[marcjtdc]

You are PURE GOLD. You explain every narc in my life. I am an empath. I want peace. l I can spot a narc or ego maniac in a room of 100 people easily.

[charlottemackinnon]

The hard part is when someone breaks away from a narcissist and their decades of abuse and goes "no contact", they are accused of being a passive aggressive covert narcissist. That is my situation. And all the enablers are convinced through smear campaigns that I am one because I have set up clear healthy (and reasonable) boundaries and will no longer be the family's sacrificial black sheep. I have my own family and my young children's needs were put on hold because I did not have these boundaries in place. Well, that has stopped, and I have no regrets. I have to continue to look ahead as I rebuild my life without the toxicity.