What does it mean to be 'passive aggressive'? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[kathylyndsey]

My definition of passive aggressive is Nasty Nice since the person often hides their true nasty intention behind a mask of feigned nice/ politeness.

[Peecup]

I’m getting divorced after 20 years of a manipulative passive aggressive wife. I’m done with people like that. My mother does the same stuff. Had a 1 hour visit at her place yesterday and I came away feeling angry and hurt. I’m done with her too. Anyone tries that on me again and I cut them from my life instantly. It’s hard to know when people are doing it first up, but I’ve leant that when I feel bad inside after speaking to someone, there’s a reason for it. Good company doesn’t make you feel bad. It’s a sneaky cruel way of putting you down without you knowing it. I’m 46 this month, it’s taken me 46 years to work it out. These videos have really helped. Thank you.

[nursekillm]

This is my father 100%. He's the master of passive-aggressive projection and guilt trips. "Poor me" is his life mantra. Tells me I need mental help, even though I'm the only person in my family who has actually sought out counseling to work through my issues - much of them rooted in his abuse/selfishness. Oh, the irony!

[vampireslayer]

I did not understand just how destructive "passive aggression" is until I realized what I was dealing with.
Those little "jabs" do not amount to anything individually, but cumulatively the jabs add up.
You are correct; it is the tool of the Covert Narcissist and Borderline.
Today, I can recognize that behavior a mile away.

[rachel]

Dr ramani can you do a series on healing and not getting/attracting another narcissists when you were raised by narcissists

[khakhashisam]

My mom told me so many times how it was difficult carrying me for 9 months in her womb...I thought she was gonna send me an invoice for rent.

[joanneswan]

When your a child, there is no choice. It is so harmful.

[penelopelambson]

I’d rather someone be direct than to manipulate me with guilt or sympathy.
I don’t like indirect humor either. It feels like a test to see if you are clever enough to get the meaning. Again, a power play.
Someone said “ If it feels icky, it’s probably toxic”. Passive aggressive feels icky.
Sarcasm also plays a role in passive aggressiveness.

[charleskaplan]

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the f*&k you were gonna do anyway.” – Robert Downey Jr.

[MrsRad-dtok]

I’m more of a straight forward type of person. Do not come near me with that passive aggressive behavior. I dealt with that with the Narc that WAS in my life. I told him “Oh there’s a problem? Then why didn’t you just say something?” I knew he had a problem but I ignored him and played dumb and it actually frustrated him more. I was watching him struggle with the fact that i wasn’t letting him break me. It’s funny to see once you know what you’re dealing with but it’s also quite disturbing. Freaking Weirdos.

[Corinna_Schuett_GER]

"Must be nice..." sort of communication shows *ENVY and JEALOUSY* towards another person by not wanting to take responsability (victimization).

[lisamr]

My husband's famous line is "well I work all day and pay the bills." This drives me crazy because this devaluates what I do all day as a stay at home mother to his 3 kids. I don't stop all day and night, holiday or not, vacation or not. He's right to a point but he has no idea what I take care of all day. And all the crap he does not have to take care of. Very upsetting!

[missrelaxed]

Just wanted to say I broke my friendship with my ex best friend who was a narcissist!!! I cannot tolerate the abuse anymore !

[SquirlieMcSquirrel]

When people say "must be nice"i say "YES INDEED it WAS!" lmao

[larissacats]

My dad is overt narc and my mum is passive aggressive covert…. I was a scapegoat. Left home at 16, worked since 13. Got scholarship to college and became a doctor, now my mum says “have you ever thought that all you have is because of me? You own everything you have to me.” And there is always a story how her childhood was very hard, and how she had to cook for me and my brother and how she did not have successful career because of me…. And a list goes on and on, how victim she is…

[lisav]

Oh man. I have a few things to work on. I want to be better and this is helping me on my journey. Thank you for this video.

[puresugah]

This. Is. My. Mother. I have heard the phrase "must be nice..." for nearly 40 years now.

[redgent]

Passive aggressiveness is them doing anything they can to distrupt you without being direct. Good examples are vacuuming when you're trying to relax, constantly humming, messing with your things when you're not looking, and insulting subjects/ideas that they know pertain you. But know that these people are beneath you, and will do anything they can to bring you to their level. Don't do it. Stay above them and just call them out directly and in a calm manner.

[MeMe-odmg]

I have to admit that I used to be more passive aggressive after all, I was raised by them so in my mind it was normal. As I got older, mature and realized that is not normal I got better at not doing it. And yes, with narcissists parents they DEFINITELY make you feel guilty that u were even born and owe them.

[BC-dmbi]

These victim mentalities and martydom tactics had me finally feeling so numb and checked out. I finally left the covert narc and am learning so much. Never again will I allow myself to be manipulated and treated so bad that I lose myself.