THIS Is Why An Avoidant Won't Chase You & What to Do!

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In today's video, Thais Gibson explains why the avoidant (aka the dismissive avoidant attachment style) won't chase you. Watch now to find out how you can handle this situation as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How to Repair Any Relationship", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!

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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:33 - Fear of Vulnerability
00:02:51 - Feelings Minus Fears
00:04:18 - Personality Needs
00:06:43 - 7-Day Free Trial: How To Repair Any Relationship
00:07:22 - Lacks Modeling
00:08:22 - Childhood Core Wounds
00:09:25 - What To Do In This Situation
00:10:26 - Conclusion

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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.

I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.

Our Youtube videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.

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[mshambaPGrated]

If your DA isn't in therapy and is not doing some deep self-reflection, there's no point trying to go any further in that relationship. Move on and find a partner that will actually reciprocate the energy that you give.

[AdamA.Moorhouse]

Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without her. Despite attempts to purge her from my mind, I remain haunted by her absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.

[try]

After two years I have reached my limit and I am respecting his decision. If he is willing to discard me, I am willing to be lost. I am moving on and doing what is best for me. I know that this is not my issue and that brings me peace.

[PB-mdnt]

I chased my avoidant for over two years. I'm done chasing her. If she wants to try to reconcile, and have a long lasting relationship, she knows how to reach me. If not, she lost out on a great guy. The common denominator is her, she's been disowned by her siblings and own daughter.

[VampyressVA]

To be fair, secures won't chase, either. You've made your decision, secures will respect it, they've probably already argued their points in the past and at the last minute is not the right time for it

[aspegel]

Funny, because when I first told my friend that he was DA, he seemed proud of it. Even as an FA, I do that same thing you talked about - self talk of why this isn't going to work anyway, along with flaw finding... then that eventually wears off and I start missing the person. That's when I look at where I went wrong and reflect on my part in the situation. Maybe this is why FA/DA connection works so well - we both give each other the time to reflect once we are in our feelings. I'm realizing it's an ego defense - I'm right and they're wrong, but then I eventually realize that I wasn't behaving very well myself and I have to face the music and humble myself. It's my favorite relationship, because it forces me to learn so much about myself and the areas I need to grow. I also see so much growth in him, because I'm able to express what's transpiring between us so that he understands it. Many thanks to PDS for helping us understand so much more at a deeper level. I don't think we would be together today if I didn't have this knowledge. ❤

[gregorystinette]

I wouldn't chase my avoidant because I knew it would be futile. Two avoidants in a relationship is a tricky concept.

[deemee]

Any one else had this happen when they call you and tell you they aren’t over you but the next day they disappear.

[Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life]

This varies between each individual, their partner and the relationship. As a woman who leans more secure now, but mostly leaned FA/DA, I don't chase. I've never felt comfortable in that role and I believe that if a man wants to make it work with you, he'll figure it out. I used to hold their hand thru the process if I still cared, but never chased.

That being said, avoidant men have chased me. One still does, but it's mainly at two times. At the very beginning and at the very end when I'm pulling away. I'm not interested in someone dumping a ton of love and emotions onto me and then retreating into themselves out of fear and then coming back to do it again for the rest of my life until I die. Lol I can see now that it doesn't end. Even with men I dated over 20 years ago. They always come back. The problem is, I've evolved. I'm no longer interested in those who haven't nor am I going to prompt them to change to meet my needs.

If someone wants to go, let them go. Build a great life for yourself to the point that you don't need anything or anyone disrupting your peace. Doing anything but this has long term effects on your health and I'm sorry but no one is worth all that. ✌️💯

[ThePolaris]

I took a very long time and SO much research to finally reveal that at the core of my ex FA partner's behaviors was that it was deeply driven by a fear of embarassment and shame and needing to protect themselves against that. Seeing from that lens suddenly made so much of what happened make sense.

[supergrllondon]

I'm so happy as a therapist to have find you

[liamjefferson]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

[privatesalsa]

I am a DA due to complex childhood trauma and she is literally looking in my head with this video.

[halohair]

My ex was a DA, and I oscillate between that and securely attached when I have taken that test over the years, I find it depends on who I’m with, but I start out secure and if my partner is extreme DA it starts to rub off on me, they also become more secure but it’s hard lol.

Anyways the flaw finding thing is so true. When we got into our argument that led to our break up the next day she started saying we were “too different” and we should’ve just stayed friends sighting things like “I like cats, she likes dogs, she doesn’t like fish, I do, I don’t lie to drink she does.” These aren’t reasons people break up, but that’s what she told herself at the time to justify her frame of reference as to why we broke up when in reality it was her alcoholism, impulsive behavior, insecurity, verbal abuse and cussing me out in front of her family over something that didn’t warrant that at all. When we broke up she reached out and I told her to take that test and sure enough she was DA.
I miss her sometimes but I realize if she doesn’t change it’s not going to work so I have been NC for about 7 months now because I knew if we started talking again she wouldn’t feel the need to change and she would try to slip back into my life(she tried to come visit me a week after the break up, I think to have make up sex)She blocked me a month ago on social media when she used to watch my stories religiously everyday, I think she is starting to realize I won’t chase her as it’s up to her to fix herself and come back and if she can’t do that I’m walking. A piece of me hopes she will reach out when she changes but that could be years down the road and I won’t care anymore.

[sifublack]

I don't think anyone should be chasing because this implies that the other person is running away. You should certainly PURSUE someone you're interested in, but only if that interest is reciprocated. This typically comes from a scarcity mindset, thinking that you can't find someone who reciprocates your interest and truly wants you (which is false).

I used to chase (at least for a while) in my late teens and early 20s, but when I stopped being attached to the outcome things started to become great for me. In the case of reconnecting with an ex, the same principles apply. I don't hold on to anyone too tightly because I know most people who enter my life are just passing through. This keeps my expectations in check and allows me to be indifferent to the outcome. In short, if it's a yes, great! If it's a no, big deal! 🤷🏿

[simonac.]

Dont chase " run run has fast has you can" these types of peopleneed therapy but they will make you beleive you need Therapy and maybe meanwhie they will having an affair whith another sucker ...back off guys run 😳

[TriggerTravels]

That would require them to take some accountability for their actions... That isn't going to happen. Ever

[cindyvandermerwe]

How do you know for sure they are in-fact avoidant and NOT narcissistic??

[magdapagan]

Has anyone experienced an avoidant that isn't affectionate at all and says he doesn't know how to be affectionate? I'm going through this, and it's painful. It feels like something is wrong with me

[smokingcrab]

I'm so tired of being trapped in a marriage with a woman who I cannot talk to or touch, and I can do nothing to attract her because of how avoidant she is.