Signs of an Avoidant Attachment Style

The first characteristic of a love avoidant is that they don't want intimacy within the relationship because they're seeking intensity outside the relationship. They're resistant to professional help, hyper-self-dependent, poor at communicating, and limit their physical affection.

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Hi, I'm Kenny Weiss 👋

My channel is all about speaking truth and taking responsibility for healing our emotional pain so we can reclaim our authentic selves.

I will be providing you the skills and tools to heal childhood trauma, childhood emotional neglect, codependency, narcissistic abuse, stress, shame, fear, anger, sadness, self-deception, self- sabotage, depression, divorce, relationship problems, parenting, parental alienation, estrangement, addiction, mental health, mindset, self-love, the worst day cycle and more.

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[NaNa-rewc]

In my experience, they’re the type to make you beg for your own basic human needs to be met in a relationship and then call you “demanding” or “needy” when you do this. I now avoid avoidant types like the plague.

[helenahall]

It comes from childhood trauma to protect yourself. Avoidants aren’t bad people… They can do work on themselves to put down their walls and be vulnerable. They just have to be willing to do the inner work. Just like most people do. Life is about continuous growth

[fionam]

Wow you have just explained exactly who I am dealing with 😬

[---quuf]

I would like to remind in the comments sections that not all people with avoidant attachment styles are narcissist.

[erunstoppable]

Wow I can relate to almost everything.. I’ve accepted being alone, I’ve lost my yearning for love.
My self deprecating humor is on point though!

[swissms]

This is hands down the BEST Short Rundown of a Narcissist I have heard !!
They Absolutely live in their own heads !!
I am SO SORRY for any poor soul that gets sucked into their web of lies !! 😢

[diananoonen]

30 years married, 20 years zero intimacy, both children just got married in the last 2 years.
Now it's just he and I.
My job is done.
He infuriates me, and I do not like him at all he is a very mean person too!
He is verbal and now has become more passive physical abuse.
I decided to go no contact our home.
I'm preparing for Knee replacement. He threw my crutches out the bedroom door and proceeded to shoving me out the door, screaming in pain to stop.
That happened the day before, and I'm still reeling.
I decided to drop all communication, and staying away from him.
I'm in so much pain and I'm not well.
Who does that? Who ever does that?
I'm still hurting😢😢😢.

Stay away from these people.

[witchywoman]

Moral of the story: Avoid the Avoidant.
No joke

[sandywatts]

You hit the nail on the head Kenny! He doesn’t have a physical or emotional yearning as I have. 😟

[ShelovesJesusandElvis]

This is my husband!!! I’m dying from lack of affection! My love language is touch and words of encouragement. I’m way way low on both…😢and he’s controlling and the conversation ALWAYS is about him! Whatever I share about myself, becomes his story etc

[invisibly]

My ex and I took attachment style tests. I had an anxious attachment style. And he avoidant.

Everything you've just said describes a lot of his behaviors to a T.

He was always secretive about who he was talking to or what he was doing on his phone/computer.

He never was really interested in spending time with me, other than watching TV and playing video games. Physical intimacy or any type of affection was practically non existent.
He criticized almost everything I did, knew a better or smarter way to do things, instead of accepting that I did things my own way.
Any attempt to communicate my needs ended in an argument where he'd usually tell me I was too sensitive

[Voila]

This all sounds like me...but I've recognized it and now am working to change these things. And it was all simply because I was depressed and having an existential crisis. I feel better now.

[QualifiedClean]

They are an anti-relationship type who seek out relationships. The closeness you're aiming for is exactly the stuff they're looking to avoid. They're a calloused heart wearing rose tinted glasses.

[rosemarie]

On the two points about avoiding intimacy within the relationship and being secretive...I think what his (my soon to be ex husband) pattern is, is this: Have a "good woman" as a wife. Someone he can count on to be his backup if his needs aren't being met outside the relationship for risky, I guess you would say "pornogrphic" style sexual encounters. And the sneaking around is part of it too. I think he actually gets off on being sneaky and "getting one over" on his solid partner. This is, I think partly a passive aggressive move to punish any perceived slight within the core relationship while not losing the safety of that supply. But it's also an obsessive part of his personality. They're not just poor communicators, they don't INTEND to communicate, because it's a control thing, keeping you guessing and trauma bonded looking for anything to hold onto. They bread crumb you to death. Also, they know if they talk, you might uncover their motives and the true ugliness in their hearts. In THIS relationship, I finally got a rare look at the WHOLE wolf. The other woman showed me many of their conversations over text. It shocked me to the core, although I already knew things were ugly. It still could never have prepared me for how gleefully that man plotted my destruction after he knew exactly the position he had put me into. You don't EVER want a covert narc in your life. Ever, ever, EVER. They will kill you without ever lifting a hand to you, and without a shred of emotion.

[jennyanderson]

They're seeking intensity outside of relationship - interesting!

[Jgjanice]

It’s sad that we find these things out much later when we’re all entangled
I d k. Seems we’re better off having our own space and dating each other when convenient.
Moving In together takes away time for both being unique individuals without needing approval.

[jillianbennett]

Ah wow…this is so spot on! This is my ex husband in a nutshell. And I mistakenly internalised things in our 16 year marriage thinking it was all on me!

It has taken me years to get thru the BS, the hurt, the deception, the smoke and mirrors. It was deeply, deeply painful as Im a very affectionate. tactile, sensual woman. He made me feel less than. Not now though. 🎉

I tried to shield our daughters from his hurtful ways but now that they are older they can see it for themselves. Coparenting with him is terrible; he undermines my values all the time.

Few years ago, I strongly encouraged my oldest to fly back for her graduation ceremony - double degrees - and she had excelled! Was so proud of her!

Unbeknownst to me until I emailed him about arrangements he openly declared that he had told her not to bother!? And this after my family supported him to get his degree and go to his graduation!

Honestly it’s the hardest thing - flee when you can, when things don’t add up.

[antheadonaldson]

I know someone just like this 🕳️ it seems like a long haul of problems. And you need to run for the hills & don't look back. Blessings & light on your journey 💯💋❤️

[jerryvaughn]

After 40 years, my heart broken, raised a child that wasn't mine.
I woke up when she stole every dime we had saved, and 10 years of a sexless relationship.
I divorced, 4 years now, I finally understand.
Ty.

[ElizabethWarrenYeahYeah]

I got to a point where I asked myself, "is this is for the rest of your life? Is this what you want for the rest of your life?"
When I realised that it wasn't and that i deserved better, I began saving money, hiding it from him, mentally withdrew from him, stopped caring about his wellbeing and whereabouts as he was out every night, began to armour plate myself against him, made a plan and in time got away from him.
Aclean break