HOW TO HEAL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT: EXPECTING REJECTION

Do you expect to be rejected and so you've become addicted to alone time? Are other people incredibly stressful for you? If you have a more Avoidant Attachment style, you may have learned that deactivation is how you stayed close in childhood to your caregivers. Now, it's a problem and everyone tells you that connection is key.

Here are 9 ways to work on healing Avoidant Attachment and ideas for dealing with your Avoidant Attachment style or parts of your Avoidant Attachment patterns.

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1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

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VIDEOS/PHOTOS: PEXELS.COM CREDITS

[SoulGlowHealing]

This is a very insightful video. I am an avoidantly attached woman. I was neglected as a child, especially emotionally from both parents. I learned never to depend on anyone to meet my emotional needs and I'm terrible at speaking my needs now as an adult in my 30s. I am very independent and even have a hard time speaking my mind to friends or coworkers. Recovering people pleaser. I just ended a relationship with another avoidant. We had terrible communication and felt super distant and disconnected. I want to heal this wound so I can experience healthy love

[honeybeejourney]

Avoidant attachment is what I display. I feel most at peace when I’m alone. I think the best circumstances for me to be married would be having my own bedroom, bathroom, and maybe even studio. Of course, intimacy can occur, but then I want to sleep alone. Lol. It’s exhausting for me to work with “people.” When I get off work, I really want to cocoon and be alone for a few hours before I go out and be with people again. Thanks for this comforting video- radical understanding and acceptance rings peace.

[srchoy]

Thank you for providing help to Avoidants. I've been looking for videos to help, and most are about how to deal with Avoidants, not help Avoidants. I was beginning to feel like we're always the bad guys in the relationship, not hurting people.

[jcm]

Wow. I just realized that this avoidance thing is another consequence of being raised by a narcissistic mother. Needing to be alone often, really alone. People can be sooo triggering. Even talking with a good friend sounds exhausting at times. Can't do it, and then feel bad. This is really a great video. I appreciate your approach, Dr Sage.

[chrismcevoy]

Being alone is the most calm I’ve ever felt in my body and I expect to be rejected.

[aaronjay]

Shoutout to all the DAs who acknowledge and understand that being in a relationship may not be the best option. You guys are saving tons of stress. I appreciate you all.

[haleyzwaal]

An interesting aspect is that I very clearly remember thinking that the only way to have love was to reject people. There's always a pursuer and a pursued, and I wasn't going to be the pursuer. People will inevitably hurt you if they think you need them, so you don't ever need people. I don't know if that makes me avoidant but it's the closest label that fits.

[tehamill]

I’m avoidant, and when I have been able to develop deep friendships, or with my sister, I think I can be completely vulnerable (except I realized I never let myself experience anger), but I still have problems connecting with new people or romantic partners. And with romantic partners it’s more like I’m terrified than that I don’t want it

[leanneb]

Interacting is a very scary place for me. Alone is my safest space.Thank you for your insight. It's the way forward for sure. Thanks 🙏 again for the great content.

[jameswayton]

3:00 7 years of therapy, and again this is the first time someone is telling me EXACTLY what I am doing. I became very good ik talking about myself. Even about what I feel sometimes. And then they (the psychologists) praise you “James is very good at explaining himself!”… while being blind that it’s avoidment. And I kinda knew this. I have them hints like “when I leave my home I leave myself as well. My true self stays home and is only found again when I’m back alone in my room”…. I’m so baffled how every time you Kim are telling me exactly what I am doing or what happend to me and you are the first time to do it again and again. It’s really sad how this part of trauma is completely unknown to most psychologist. And the rest of what you said opens my eyes yet again. That that’s why I act like that….. this also creates such a massive problem because of that behavior therapist think you are doing better then you actually are. You can talk all you want about how bad you feel: if you are saying without emotions it has little weight to it. I’m fact what I’m doing is pleasing them often, like it’s legit almost as if I’m flirting with them, being charming while talking about what happens to me, throwing in a joke here and there. Shit… it’s all calculated and I did not even realize what it’s source was of that behavior. The mindfuck is also that it’s not inauthentic.. or am I wrong? Maybe I think it’s the authentic me because I have been doing it since age 1.. well this is what happens if trauma becomes your personality I guess.. pff.. I’m just mind blown as always…. Your videos are the most validating things to me I have ever witnessed and I’m grateful

[tarasgarden]

I can see the avoidant style in myself. When you say lean into it a bit and let yourself feel the pain, my automatic response is “why bother?” And “who wants to feel that??”
Your kitty is absolutely gorgeous.

[coachzach]

Had to pause the video twice to cry. Thank you Kim. Thank you.

[IsabelleRSG]

Alone time is wonderful too. Not using it to numb or avoid but truly embracing it and know that it is what makes me most happy and relax now (and my own fluffy cat agrees and send his greetings to you and Coco)

[cindywest]

I definitely see myself as both anxious and avoidant. I am attracted to unavailable people. This has been a vicious cycle. I am 58 yrs old, and am just now figuring out that I am the common denominator in my failed relationships. I long for a partner, however, I feel as though I don't have the energy to make it work.😢😢
When you mentioned "allow yourself to feel" I felt my heart skip a beat. I come from the "bury that shit in a box" generation. The thought of feeling my emotions is scary.

[notleavingmyroom]

My avoidant level is up to not wanting any kind of pets, like even a fish. My needs were never relevant for 24 years, and after removing myself from that environment I found so much peace living alone!
It’s really hard for me to think about having even close friends that I meet frequently, my social anxiety makes me physically sick afterwards, even when I wanted that interaction. So yeah, not sure I’ll ever look for any deeper relationship any time soon

Thank you for this video and letting us see Coco ❤

[aree]

This is such a great video. Your talk here will help so many people and identifies what a lot of people dont even know is controlling their lives. Love you Dr. Sage!

[sherryf]

This is the most on point video I have seen in a long time. And it gets extra points for the kitty! 🐈 Your voice is very calming and the video has enough information in a short period of time where it isn't too long or overwhelming.🌹

[hokulea]

thank you for making me feel seen. I’ve been feeling crazy these past few months. Your video was the most reassuring thing I’ve came across in a while.

[pinqfriday]

You are the best channel I have come across to aid me in my healing journey. Can’t thank you enough ❤️

[jennam]

Between your soothing voice, beautiful cat, music and what you just described I’m bawling my eyes out 😭