Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

Do you suffer from fearful avoidant attachment? If so, you may be experiencing mental health impacts such as stress, anxiety, and depression. In this video, Dr. Judy Ho will discuss the symptoms, causes, and mental health impacts of fearful avoidant attachment.

If you or someone you know suffers from fearful avoidant attachment, this video is for you. By the end of this video, you'll have the knowledge you need to identify and deal with the effects of this attachment style.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #psychology #attachmentstyles #attachmentstyles #attachment #medcircle #fearfulavoidant

[ttytghgfg]

"because generally they want that closeness, but they don't think they can rely on people, so it's like they want it, but they think people are gonna disappoint them, so they don't even put themselves out there." she literally put it into words

[coltenkelso]

It’s a never ending conflict in your head of “I want closeness and connection” then when someone wants to get close “whoa not that close” then you pull away. There is a spectrum there also depending on who you’re talking to. If the other person is more anxious then it triggers your more dismissive side. If the other person is dismissive it triggers more of your anxious side thus confusing others in relationships.

[katecooper]

I got diagnosed with this attachment style. 2 months later I was diagnosed with BPD. I've ended every relationship due to my own anxiety. Being alone feels safe, but I also long for closeness. I'm hot and cold and it's confusing to all parties.

[kaitlyntriplett]

having this attachment style is just really rough on the psyche. sometimes after reacting in ways/doing things that push them away you regret it too, you like snap and realize how irrational u were after being triggered. it makes you feel like you can’t do anything right/hard to love. constantly back in forth in your own mind. what i probably hate most about it how judgmental i feel of my partners, (sad to admit) but you’re on high alert for any changes, when they act in a way you don’t deem them to you start listing more reasons why you don’t need or want them anyway for your own protection. then later thinking they are everything and more. when they finally leave it like messes with the ego (knew you were hard to love, hoped they would stay anyways) i just want peace. took two hard breakups to realize just how erratic i was. stayed single for 3 years. now i’m dating someone with a secure attachment and i learn something everyday how i should be processing our relationship (thankful for him) but it’s still hard knowing you’re the toxic one

[joshuatimms]

I’ve never been described so fittingly. Yet, I’m left with a feeling of despair.

[Infiniteeverything]

I push people away so much. I just pushed someone that was actually trying trying to be vulnerable with me. I hurt so many people and mostly myself. I wish I wasn’t like this I feel so empty.

[atefrihane]

I think it revolves around the lack of self-esteem..
I want to help people but I feel pressurized when they rely on me and put responsibility on me..
and for romantic relationship I immediately feel the urge to detach when someone gets close to me so much

[m-gnvy]

I want to be loved so badly. But when you do anything to hurt me, I slam my mental doors shut and can never figure out a way to forgive and open back up. It's terrible.

[preethiprez]

The takeaway for people to understand: " Understanding your attachment style is not about labeling you or pathologizing your behavior. Instead, it's about recognizing where you fall on the spectrum, identifying your strengths, and acknowledging the areas that may be more challenging for you. This self-awareness allows you to objectively evaluate whether it’s important for you to work on these challenges" As a graduate mental health counseling student, I completely agree with this point!

[queenofgoldenhearts]

I have BPD and I do have this attachment style, intimacy can be so overwhelming and scary I rather be safe and alone but at the same time it’s just so lonely I even feel stupid about it

[marohadd]

I had to take deep breaths throughout this video just so I don't click away and distract myself instead of understanding myself a little better, I struggle with this more than I even knew and it has sabotaged and still now sabotages any chance I have for a healthy relationship. I am constantly analyzing, untrusting, and cutting off people convincing myself that they never really cared in the first place. I hope with this new knowledge I can go easy on myself, establish new healthy boundaries, and learn how to manifest that in my life and with my partner

[brittelska]

This doesn’t touch on that Fearful Avoidance often comes from abusive or hostile caregiving, when the child literally fears the caregiver, which is the whole point.
Also as an FA I would never get that upset about someone not texting after 2 dates, because FA is triggered in response to closeness and emotional connection, which don’t exist after 2 dates. A lot of us come off deceivingly secure in early dating, due to our interpersonal presence but want to maintain our independent lives. It’s when the connection happens that things go haywire. That example given in the video just sounds like someone who feels a bit entitled and petty, who may or may not be FA.
I get that this is a tiny snap shot of FA and for the purposes of a short YouTube video on a channel not specifically targeting attachment styles it’s not possible to do a deep dive, but I encourage anyone wanting to learn about FA to explore the resources out there further. There are some wonderful ex-FAs who now work in the field (Thais Gibson, Paulien Timmer just to name a couple) who will give you an insiders perspective as well as a lot of helpful tools for navigating life and relationships as an FA or loved one of an FA.
Other great attachment resources on YouTube include Heidi Priebe and Briana MacWilliam.
All of these people get the nuance and can explain things in a way that is both comprehensive and easy to understand, and I think helps a lot of insecurely attached and their loved ones immensely.
Happy deep diving (hopefully)!

[BlessingsonBlessings]

Thanks guys for this video, this is something I didn’t realize that I was suffering from until today. It’s been harmful to my relationships and I’ve felt like until today I’ve been fighting at something that I couldn’t really name.

[misakiizome]

OH MY GOD I thought I was going crazy. I read up dismissive-avoidant and it resonated with me but then I read the anxious attachment and I agreed with some of the behaviour. Like I CRAVE intimacy but I don't need it. It's like I'm at war with myself. I want to connect with someone but I'm terrified of the other person hating me or they become too dependent on me and out of anxiety I too become distant and ghost them. It's so weird and frustrating. I also have Bipolar disorder so that contributes to it too

[CatalinaFOIA]

I have just figured out my very 1st love. He is 100% an avoidant type. Hot/Cold, Close/Far Away, I Need You/Go Away, I Love You/I Can't Handle Loving You. 😮 27 yrs it took me to figure him out. The description of this attachment style on this video is describing him perfectly. Wow.

[EvonneLindiwe]

Thank you. I wondered what was wrong with me. Yes it came from my unstable childhood and trauma.

[Lylydmt]

Ty for saying that we’re not a lost cause

[legendgamer]

11:25 I gave my parents years of
opportunity to be there for me as a child and they consistently let me down. I would ask for help and wouldn’t get it. When you grow up in an environment where your emotional needs are on the back burner and neglect is the name of the game then it conditions you to find it extremely difficult and painful to open up to people and be vulnerable in adulthood. You end up projecting your parents on to anyone around you who could actually help you.

[Distractiononly]

This is enlightening. I believe this is the pattern of my attachment with others.
I want to mention that causal relationships and that includes most connections are not as anxiety triggering. I often maintain superficial relationships for years and have a normal appearing social and family life . The issue is that the moment intimacy starts to develop, I start to become incredibly irrational and erratic which is so different from my usual personality. Especially in the beginning of specifically romantic and sexual relationships.
As long as the person is not threatening my sense of self or pushing that fear of abandonment, I’m fairly confident. I do keep others at a distance because of this. The illusion of my self sufficiency is kept intact and therefore safe.
I don’t really have issues with drugs or alcohol, I would say my upbringing was normal insofar as it was not abusive, just inconsistent. I’m not promiscuous. I have hypersensitivity issues which I believe is highly correlated with this disorganized attachment style; otherwise I don’t know how many people could tell how much relationships scare me and how terrified I am of loving someone and consequently, being left. I’ve often left relationships earlier and quickly, and one marriage I had was emotionally cold. I accepted much less than I wanted because at least I wasn’t afraid of being hurt.

[elisal]

I have always given my best to people who are incapable of reciprocating or appreciating it ... the dismissive comes in when I feel the person is insincere and wants to manipulate or take advantage. I think with a normal genuine secure person I will be normal as well.