When an Anxious Attachment Dates an Avoidant

What happens when an anxious heart falls for an avoidant soul? Whether you have an anxious attachment style or avoidant attachment style, in this storytelling video, we share the emotional journey of two people with contrasting attachment styles, illustrating the highs and lows of their relationship. Through intimate anecdotes and relatable experiences, we explore how an anxious attachment style and an avoidant attachment style can both clash and complement each other.

Follow their story as they navigate the complexities of their love styles, uncovering the challenges and discovering ways to bridge their differences. If you're curious about attachment theory, or if you've ever found yourself in an anxious avoidant relationship, this video will resonate with you deeply.

#attachment #love #relationship #dating

Writer: Brie Cerniglia
Editor & Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Project Manager: Cindy Cheong
Animator: Rebecca Chu
Voice Over: Gabriel Miles
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

References

Ainsworth, MD, Bell, SM.(1970). Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation. Child Development, 41(1), 49-67.
Bowlby, J.(1982). Attachment and Loss: Volume 1 Attachment. 2nd ed. New York: Basic Books.
Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P.R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. Guilford Press.

[Rose_Butterfly]

As a dismissive avoidant I'm gonna go with another dismissive avoidant and we can happily avoid each other.

[Simog]

I'm an avoidant in a relationship with an anxious partner and I can confirm 100% the only key is communication. I was not good at it at all at the beginning and the communication itself was something that made me feel so overwhelmed, like he was trying to cross my boundaries just because he was asking for some reassurance. It was awful but I didn't run away (even if I got extremely close) and things slowly improved. At least now I'm able to reassure him when he asks for it and I don't feel trapped by this request as I did before. I see it as something he does not do to control me, but to feel better himself, and this change in perspective changed my point of view in the relationship. I'm not sure I will ever be able to switch entirely to a secure attachment, it seems to me a goal so far away, but I'm really doing my best

[ArtairMcKinley]

This video is being uploaded in crazy timing because just yesterday, an ex of mine with avoidant attachment style texted me. My attachment style isn’t anxious, it’s secure, but she’s apologising for ghosting me (again) and everything else that happened in between. As a former avoidant myself it allows me to have compassion and understanding for her but I’m not rekindling anything because she triggers anxious attachment tendencies whenever we interact. I love her, just not enough to sabotage my recovery and disrespect my boundaries.

[katiavoznaya]

I as a previously anxiously attached person have been in this type of relationship with an avoidant and unfortunately it doesn't work out. It only perpetuates the anxious feeling with someone like that, like you are never good enough and you keep on trying to get closer to them. Afterwards after setting boundaries for myself and others, I met my fiancé and who is extremely secure and gave me enough validation from the get go. After 1, 5 years together I noticed my anxious attachment style was cured and now after about 5 years, I cannot imagine being anxious again (still could definitely happen) but I never ever question my fiancé whether he really loves me. I realised only with a securely attached partner can you truly heal.

[Fandomerr]

I felt so personally targeted with both of the main focus attachment styles 💀

[Sasukeluvzme]

Such a short instance of education has awakened a sense of understanding of my relationship and even all relationships. It’s not about how toxic we can be. It’s about if we’re willing to talk about what hurts us and also look into ourselves when we’re told the same (at least in this dynamic)

[noobzito]

Timestamp!

-0:21 Attachment styles
-0:46 avoidant attachment
-1:37 Anxious attachment
-2:49 What would happen?

[krkr]

As an anxious person, being with an avoidant is just horrible, especially if they literally avoid everything what you say to them and continue to hurt you with their actions. If you are an avoidant, then please go to therapy before you enter a new relationship.

[teenieweeniemimie]

Just when I'm having doubts with my anxious self

[JustaNobody-jx]

Sounds like a perfect match, where one person constantly worrying about the relationship while the other person is constantly avoiding it. But regardless of what type of relationship it is, misunderstandings and emotional struggles are inevitable in an indifferent universe.

[potatoslayer]

My dads side raised their kids like that “I’ll give u something to cry about” while the other my moms side were over protective I live between my grandparents houses and they are both very Dysfunctional my dad side if I have any struggles or any needs they’re ignored and frowned upon while my mom side is over bearing and intrusive so I’m back-and-forth a lot between really hot and really cold

[DaveSpectre]

Been there. I am / was (I think I made an improvement towards being secure) the anxious one and she is the avoidant. I discussed this with my friend who is a therapist and found out about these attachment styles and confronted my then girlfriend about it and discussed it with her, because I really cared for her and I wanted to work on making it work. But she said she does not want to change and wants to do everything the way she does (According to my therapist friend, it is actually common for avoidants and they very rarely want to work on getting to a secure attachment style), so as painful as it was, I had to break up with her. And in the end I am happy I made that decision. So advice for others, don't stay in a relationship where the other person does not want to work on the relationship and you would be the only one to do so.

[rochelleestwick]

"They will come to me, when they are ready" ❤ Thank you Moonlight guidance 🙏🏾

[keip]

A lot of people are like this.
Sadly many like to assume their views are absolute and right.

A lot of people avoid any form of conflict. Created way to unhealthy and unhappy boundaries.
Many parents when their kids grow they use this avoidance style so in a way their feelings invalid.
It is sad for those parents who show any form of emotional connection.

[mars_starz]

If this gives anyone hope I was in a relationship with a dismissive/avoidant as an anxious person and they can work out. It was exactly as described in the video for a while, the good news is that this can change with communication and trust. Over the years me and my partner’s relationship changed from a push/pull dynamic to secure attachment. It took work but right now she is the person I love and trust most :)

[aurorateemo]

when i am finally in a happy healthy relationship i realized that i am the problem, i always avoid physical touch with my boyfriend, expect from him a lot that am so codependant at him i almost failed my college year, i lost myself and it hurts me because it's not his fault.

[animes_a_way_too]

How dare you assume I'm a jelly when I'm such a peanut butter 😂

[wnfkgni]

Just got out of a relationship with a dismissive avoidant a few months ago, NEVER

[sandraisaweeb]

I am a anxious attachment and I am still healing from my attachment but it's just sad seeing others getting into this dance.

Looking back at my relationship with the dismissive avoidant. I wished I never dated him nor got back with him from the beginning. I should have just left him on read.

[vendingmachine]

I'd like to see a video on disorganized aka fearful-avoidant attachment style