THIS Is Why Avoidant Attachment Styles Fall in Love In Your Absence

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In today's video, Thais Gibson provides some insight on why the avoidant attachment style (dismissive avoidant attachment style) falls in love in your absence. Watch now to discover why this happens as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How a Securely Attached Person Shows Up in Each of the 6 Stages of a Relationship", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!

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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:18 - Deep Fears of Connecting
00:00:00 - Power of the Subconscious
00:05:29 - Hyper-Independence
00:07:05 - Empathy
00:08:00 - If You’re The Loved One of an Avoidant
00:09:42 - 7-Day Free Trial: Advanced DA Course
00:10:42 - Conclusion

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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.

I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.

Our Youtube videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.

So what are you waiting for? This could be the start of your personal development journey. Subscribe to our channel and start watching!

#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #DismissiveAvoidantNeeds #UnmetNeeds

[annvirgo]

Finally realized that my past relationship I was in for 4 years has classic Dismissive Avoidance traits. Always push and pull away and caused me to have such anxiety! I appreciate your knowledge very much helpful. DA partner is exhausting and toxic, so never again no thanks. With your guidance it has given me insight to what to look 👀 out for to avoid DA!!

[wendydaniel]

As a secure, I choose not to be engaged with D A's...Once they drop off on a dime with no communication, I shut the door...Healing is a choice.. If one chooses not to heal I choose to release you ...❤❤

[gregorystinette]

Yeah, they fall in love with absence, & when you return, they will devalue you

[osef]

I agree and disagree.

I agree that DAs need space for them to feel relief, not being under pressure and if their partner doesn't let that happened it will only make things worse but this need for time alone should be communicated clearly to the DA's partner (it's basic respect).

On the other hand, during this time alone DAs live in their own world and will forget about their partner (if they don't live together off course) and they will not reach out to see their partner unless something makes them think about their partner.
And if it is the partner who reaches out, they will feel under pressure again and will dive even deeper in their bubble of solitude (the partner is more and more frustrated) or they will end the relationship as a protest behaviour .

So, you CANNOT win with DAs who are not actively working on themselves : you give them space -> they forget you ; you don't give them space -> they feel under pressure and run away.

If you are dating a DA make sure they are working on themselves otherwise you will be crushed by their disfunctional ways even if you love them with all your heart (it will only make things worse, trust me, I know).

[A-ed]

Being a dismissive avoidant definitely does not mean that someone is a horrible person.. but it does mean that often we are dealing with an emotionally unavailable person who tends to think only about herself/himself in the moment when deactivating/triggered. It also means that s/he has the capacity to drop a partner abruptly like a rock and pull the rug from under their feet absolutely shattering their heart. Ironically, this typically happens EXACTLY because the person was loving and intimacy was building… severely insecure attachment styles especially avoidant aren’t really ready for relationships; they’re ready for therapy with a licensed therapist who understands attachment theory. They either build relationships with toxic or unavailable people which makes them feel safe or become wrecking machines for the poor ones who believe their love bombing, the shared fantasy at the beginning. I am sorry but the answer is surely NOT to cater and adjust for emotionally unavailable people; the answer is for them to become more secure in their attachment. It’s freaking hard and totally unfair for a secure or mildly anxious partner to walk on eggshells only to be thrown to the curve in the end. For these reasons, I respectfully disagree with the logic of this video.

[celinejohn]

They should fight their demons first and win them before playing with someone else’s feelings

[HarryMcMillan-ze]

I can see that now after 85 dates in one year with her. No committment was ever made by her, which I guess is what kept her safe. Again, very sad.

[timdrawbridge]

Ur last 2 videos were HUGE for me in understanding my DA

[daniellediaz]

Love love love your content!! Been following your channel since 2021 and I'm STILL learning something new almost everyday lol. Also I want to throw you a compliment... You look absolutely amazing! 😍.
So beautiful ❤️

[josephrodgers]

It's just not worth all this psychological s*** to deal with the dismissive avoidant, you damn near got to be a psychologist to date these people, and they care nothing about you and your feelings don't do it run

[Sails_Cyber]

I just could not imagine seeing someone I’m in love with once a week and being okay with that. My ex is a DA and we are in no contact as we speak. She told me she needs some time and space so cool. 🤷🏾‍♂️

[magicMosquito]

Thank you for your hard work and the insight you've provided. I rly enjoyed this video.

[spiritwanderer]

DAs may do well only on a superficial level of friendship. Once that friend needs real emotional support and empathy it's same story as with romantic level, they don't know how to handle it because empathy, emotional availibility, intimacy, selflesness... are all foreign languages to them. Besides in my experience the person with whom you constantly have to negotiate rules and needs in the relationship is not the right person for you. I'm not saying this should never happen but the level of effort that some coaches are describing is basically being both a babysitter and a therapist of your partner, at least those coaches who are giving you hopes that you can be in a romantic relationship with a DA/FA and be fulfilled. I don't believe in that.

[AMNewbies]

One thing I would recommend too is to move off of referring to people as attachment styles. Thais shifted about a year ago to referring to someone as a dismissive attachment style, rather than referring to them as a person who HAS a dismissive attachment style. The second is not only accurate, it also feels less awkward.

[tachibanamei]

I’m in love w a dismissive avoidant and I just started learning how to communicate w him and becoming more secure and he just started opening up so much. GUYS I KNOW POINTING A FINGER IS EASY THATS WHY UR DOING IT TO THEM AND NOT YOURSELVES 🗣️🗣️🗣️

[kanereall]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

[AncaVasile-vz]

Hi! My DA guy doesn't respond well when I tell him for instance that it's ok for him to aks for some time alone. I do that when I sense he's a little suffocated :) And he says "no no no I don't need time" and then he forces himself to connect more but he's obviously in discomfort. I don't know how to manage that, because I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him away. Some other times he simply lies about being busy with repairing smth but he's out playing tennis. I don't know why he feels the need to lie, I would give him that time anyway. He's a great guy, very supportive and warm but he does these stupid things like lying sometimes!!!

[axhei]

That concept is difficult to understand. I don’t know how my FA ex would fall in love in my absence. My feelings for her have faded in her absence.

[spacecat]

Watching this (and ignoring the comments) because…trying to understand this side of myself and someone who seems to be mutually attracted to me. I’d bet money we’re both FAs. And now that I’m in closer proximity to them for my own goals that them pursuing theirs kinda gave me the inspiration I needed for mine? It’s like we’ve flipped. The distance before felt like a skipping record to me, and made me anxious. They had their own distortions and others pressuring them, so the end result was avoidance on their part—we cleared that up. But now that I’m here, they’re definitely wanting to show up more in what feels like both anxiety and enthusiasm…and now I’m feeling unsettled and push away. I won’t but. I literally do not know how to navigate this because I’ve never had someone want to have me around, let alone be clearly attracted to the real me, and I just feel all knotted up like I’m gonna get trapped or abandoned especially over my asexuality or somehow scapegoated once again by others outside this friendship (that is becoming even clearer does not function like a friendship at all and never has despite that’s what we fought for and insisted we wanted right now.)
Which. Resources for sex repulsed asexuals are absolutely terrible under the guise of “every relationship requires compromise” but ultimately boil down to 1) give out and feel awful, 2) keep your boundaries but neglect your partner and deserve their resentment, 3) be nonexclusive, or 4) break up. Which. Just. Makes me feel even worse. Feeds the intrusive thought to sabotage to “spare” us both even though I already know their avoidance and my periods of silence to give us both our space after disagreements (that extended into a near no-contact since they were never going to break those periods, BUT after I broke the periods they were always more than willing to work things out) just. Hurt us both despite our best intentions acting that way.

But…yeah. I had one not terrible but not good dating relationship as a teen, and only a handful of crushes ever that I never acted on. I am so out of my depth despite us both trying to navigate this as Friends instead of Romantic Partners for our own individual reasons.

[davidbulchak]

I'm FA and I love DA's. This was beautiful!