The Covert Narcissist

#narcissist #narcissism #hgtudor
What does this actually mean? It is important for you to receive accurate information at long last and avoid common mistakes that are made with regard to such a description.

[candycanes]

When I was struggling with research trying to figure out his behavioral patterns, narcissism came up, but I dismissed it because he was not grandiose or somatic in any way.
I thought, yes he fits almost all of the criteria but in a introverted, victimized way.
Months later I returned to the internet and typed in shy narcissist and covert/invulnerable came up.
Viola!
Then the real work began.

[dphil]

The incredible sulk, I yelped out loud when hearing this!

[georgiawalsh]

This makes sense. My estranged husband went through the whole range of behaviours from behaving like a tantrum-throwing toddler, lies and silent treatment to (behind closed doors) bullying tactics and physical abuse. He also manipulated people with his self pitying 'poor me' routine and acts of false kindness (directed towards people who may come in 'useful' at a later date)
I was in a world of confusion when we were together, did everything to try to keep him happy and solve his problems. I realise now that he thrives on the drama and seeing people jumping through hoops to keep the peace. I was trauma bonded and in the end had to make a spontaneous escape (we were 14, 000 miles away, visiting his family, when I did a runner and flew home) I spent 10 months in therapy trying to work out wtf had happened. That was over two years ago and he's still trying to get me back by guilt tripping me, when that (or the love-bombing) doesn't work, he reverts to name calling and spreading lies about me. Everyone who doesn't really know him thinks he's a great bloke.
Finding everything out about narcissistic behaviour and all the different types of narcissist has thrown a lot of light on this. Hopefully I'll never get sucked in again by this type of person - in any area of my life.
Cheers HGT 👍You're actually pretty funny too 😉😁

[violetgypsie]

Honestly I need a chart to follow along. I think visually. I have a covert narc, probably the mid range variety. Very sulky and moody, feels like no one appreciates him, even though he’s constantly lavished with gifts and compliments (which he’s never reciprocated). Extremely neglectful and emotionally abusive to his main supply while bending over backwards to look like a super-duper guy to everyone else. Prone to outbursts of rage unexpectedly to his main supply (getting more frightening as time goes on). Financially irresponsible. Mid-low intelligence. Low in empathy although not altogether missing. Extremely passive aggressive. Blame shifting and triangulation. Prone to anxiety and paranoia. I have resorted to texting him (while living in the same household) to avoid arguments, and sequestering myself to my bedroom 80% of the time to avoid contact. Planning my escape. Hope to leave the country.

[evangelinedrummer]

you have been keeping very busy HG Tudor... Having my heart broken into a million pieces from a narcissist I had no idea who or what I was dealing with nor could I have fathomed people like this ever existed. I know emotional thinking led me down a devestating path. I am flawed but genuine to the bone and when I say I love someone I truly mean it. I am what I am and love passionately and will fight to the death for the ones I love. Being a child of a narcissistic mother I was gtoomed early on to be a people pleaser. only knowing my worth on what I could do for others. Now that I am dying of cancer I see how I not only failed my children falling in love with a narcissist but I failed myself. I appreciate the knowledge you have been giving people so they dont fall into the narcissist trap and learn how to set boundaries and to find value in just being authentic and genuine. I know this serves only as fuel to you but for others it's an actual get out of prison card for many who are oppressed by these kind.

[htpm]

There are so many narcs in my circle of friends, its uncanny. I have no idea where they all fit on the narc scale except to say that one is particularly more grandiose than the rest and one is particularly more introverted than the rest. They are all boring in their own way, nothing genuine to say about anything one might consider important. It does amaze me how they all just glide along, even their obvious faults or mistakes or gaffs or however you want to phrase their sick behaviours, these incidents just get waived off, justified or forgotten about as everyone moves on.
The sad truth is people in general do not believe narcissism is a problem, they just can't seem to see the big picture even if you point out the behaviours both small and large. There is a mental block, an unspoken refusal that society has regarding the prevalence of narcissism.

[nightowl]

Watch Pride and Prejudice ( with Firth/Ehle !). The character of Wickam is a good portrayal of a covert narcissist. The father, Mr. Bennet also described the traits well.

[isabelaarden]

As a Ginger I could not help but laugh " the orphanage for wanted ginger children".

[marialice]

Very accurate information, Mr. Tudor.
Thank you for making this video.
This is a term used everywhere, even by professionals, and confuse people.

[jessrnny]

watching South Park, as one does. Butters Leopold Stotch is a lovely innocent prime example of covert. he is no doubt the sweetest and most innocent of all the children. but his alter ego is professor chaos. he’s often pushed to far and continues to offer help and support in an effort to be accepted.

* bonus note

i’m writing this bc they are the most dangerous making you sit in confusion wondering if they are nice or not. maddening… much prefer a LGN who tells it like it is. repellant….

[donnadaniels]

I respect you HG for all your knowledge putting everyone in the right category👌

[joannemcevoy]

This is interesting. So many people refer to 'overt' and 'covert' narcissists which is not so clear. Thank you for providing some information as to the schools of narcissists that are known to exhibit 'overt' and/or 'covert' behaviours.

[redsquirrel]

I like the idea of a concert to save the gay, blind whale. Two tickets please. When covid has gone naturally.

[pippipster]

Well I’m not so sure. I find the terms overt and covert to be very useful. To me overt indicates a general out in the open in your face narcissistic behaviour. Covert however is, as the name suggests, undercover. Lots of pretence and superficial sugar coating. But underneath, in private, all of the classic traits hard at work. Of course an overt can behave covertly and vice versa but I’m talking about generalised long term behaviours.

[dphil]

Lol I do enjoy the jokes and I appreciate the descriptive and accurate manner in which you narrate the differences between types

[davidarundel]

Thank you ❤️ HG, you've helped me a lot, in identifying several of these type narcissists, within my neighbourhood, and some of the staff in the landlords office . Thank you ❤️, once more, for the assistance .
Namaste 🙏👍

[lisasmith]

This makes sense. I’ll look for the test, thank you.

[suzywilson]

Thank you, HG! This makes much more sense to me! I have been studying personality types on at least 12 diffrent typing systems. I have learnt that one system usually covers one or two facets of personality. You have to strong them altogether to have a complete dataset. Then you are able to asses the diversified traits of a specific set or subset of personalities. The same would apply to any personality disorder. What you say makes PERFECT logical sense.

[msPranksterPixie]

the academics have finally caught up, saying that almost all narcissists engage in vulnerable, covert, grandiose, and overt behaviours depending on their personal makeup and situational position, which can all alter to feature in different degrees of manifestation or expression, depending on different time of day/change in weather/bowel movements/if the internet is down/etc.

Academic research and publications always seem to be a decade behind those who experience a particular phenomenon (not wanting to over-pathologise narcissism as it's both descriptive and/or diagnostic), plus this is true more broadly in medical research, psychological research, impoverishment research, sociological research -- the research published is always about a decade behind those directly experiencing the events.

[remembermyname]

Whatever you want to call it, we are still dealing with a narcissist: it's a bit like dealing with the bubonic plague, just a little.