7 Behaviors Covert Narcissist Do

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a deep-seated need for praise and attention, and a lack of empathy for others.

“Covert narcissism”, or otherwise known as shy, vulnerable, or secret narcissism, is a subtype of narcissism that is often harder to spot because of its less pronounced features and behaviors.

People who are “secret narcissists” are not as outwardly arrogant, entitled, or self-centered as other narcissists, and instead of being charming and manipulative, they may be more anxious, reserved, and sensitive.

Understanding these signs can help identify covert narcissists and navigate interactions with them more effectively, as their behavior may still have a significant impact on relationships and dynamics. Here are a few signs of a covert narcissist.

DISCLAIMER: The video is for educational purposes only and should not be used to diagnose anyone. This video is not made to attack anyone who may display these signs or anyone diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, but rather to understand them and bring more awareness to the topic!

Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Rida Batool
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: AwesomeKickArt IG:awesomekickart)
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

References:

Kaufman, Scott B. “23 Signs You’re Secretly a Narcissist Masquerading as a Sensitive Introvert”. Scientific American. (2013)
Gabbard, Glen O. “Two Subtypes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder”. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic. (2009)
Vaknin, Sam. “The Inverted (Covert) Narcissist Codependent”. Narcissus Publications. (2014)
Dickinson, Kelly A., Aaron L. Pincus. “Interpersonal Analysis of Grandiose and Vulnerable Narcissism”. Journal of Personality Disorders. (2003)
Bursten, Ben. “Some Narcissistic Personality Types”. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis. (2013)
Johnson, Stephen. “Humanizing the Narcissistic Style”. W. W. Norton & Company. (2017)

[Psychgo]

As a reminder, the video is for educational purposes only and should not be used to diagnose anyone. This video is not made to attack anyone who may display these signs or anyone diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, but rather to understand them and bring more awareness to the topic. Just like people have different traits, not everyone is the same. As always, do seek out for qualified mental health professional if you need support.

[Aan]

Timestamps
1). They are very sensitive to criticism 1:03
2). They don't take no for an answer 1:39
3). Their motivations are always self-gain 2:18
4). They act passive-aggressively 2:56
5). They are easily envious of others 3:30
6). They tend to hold a lot of grudges 4:01
7). They have difficulty with empathy 4:41

Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[zoranabanana]

Recently realized that someone who I considered a close friend doesn’t care as much as they say. Their actions never lined up with their words.. they’d constantly push my boundaries

and when ever I would express how I feel, they’d say “sorry you feel that way” and try to turn it around on themselves by playing the victim instead of hearing what I was trying to say.

Glad I realized this sooner than later and decided distance myself from them.

[MissJenni]

Holy crap, I know someone like this😭 This is seriously spot on! Especially the passive aggressive behavior! I also want to add “implying” to the list. They’ll never outright say these negative things to you, but they’ll sure as hell imply it.

[CodeDusq]

It’s always a game of smoke and mirrors with the covert narcissist. They’re really good at pretending they love you and care about you, while secretly boosting their own ego. They make you doubt reality without you even realizing.

[amberd.]

All I can think of is how my first boyfriend actually managed to convince me that I forced him to emotionally abuse me because that's how my mom taught me how love was and how sick the first 26 years of my life was because of them both

[JohnSmith-wons]

They can't ever be wrong so can never apologise.

[ABE]

I just never realized that narcissism was there, but I'll try not to be one of them.
Because I didn't know it in the first place when I was born.
The way I do and the way how I've caused.

Sometimes I've been struggling to stay strong.
But whenever I make mistakes, I learn from them and make the right choices.

The thing is, I just didn't know that Narcissism is bad, I hope I can take actions more than only words.

Thank you for this video, it did give me a lesson.

[meowdisaster]

I once had an experience with this type of narcissist. I was always there for him, help him out with his problems...but that man? he was never there for me. Yes, sometimes, he would praise me, but... he would tend to ignore me. Like I was nothing, goddamit, I was his girlfriend... all because we didn't share the same interests.
When we broke up, he manipulated everyone(including me) into believing it was only my fault, he painted me as a monster...and just like that, I lost a lot of friends. I didn't have anybody to turn to anymore. I was completely crushed by everyone, at the same time: some of them sent me death threats, others tried to play nice, but now I just know they were simply faking.
Why does the world have to be so cruel?

[arivontrapp]

I like how you show Gothel when you talk about narcissists/gaslighting

[Redheadbelle]

One Tipp: if ur intuition tells you sth is doubtful, that’s a sign. And: if you tend to feel exhausted all the time, also. If someone dares to spread rumours about you, let them! It always backfires. One thing that disgusts me personally is wanting to secretly benefiting from you and lack of empathy.
Let them show you if they mean what they say!
Iam not that type to be around that kind of persons and never was.
I see a very insecure person that tries to blame others first that. Everyone has insecurities! If you use that to try to hurt others, they have their answers.
Trust your gut: do you feel energised or drained? Do you have to be so careful in everything you say but it seems like it’s not the same in for you?
Trust your gut. Do you feel
Pressured in any kind of way?
Don’t be afraid to call them out.
Love&protect yourself ❤
You Control your reputation in the first place ❤️
And: don’t parent grown ups

[shapeeps]

When I first started dating my ex 2 years ago, I watched all your relationship videos thinking he was the perfect person or too good to be true. I broke up with him a year ago and I’m still healing, he was so mentally abusive. I wish you had these videos back then. I’m glad you have them now for other people.

[anyeong]

I find it hard to deal with these kinds of people and it's extra hard when they're your superior, I always feel drained around them

[vanzammerz]

2. Anyone who I say NO to and it doesn’t compute. They really are gonna go nuts when I push them out of my life. I don’t deal with pushing. I say no more than once. You done

[avidfoodenjoyer]

This sounds so much like my mom. Sometimes I worry I've developed some of her traits. I also tend to make friends with people who are like this and then wonder why I get betrayed or feel like I can't depend on anyone. I can't tell if I'm befriending narcissists because they feel familiar since my mom is one or if I'm just someone with narcissist tendencies. I do tend to hold grudges alot but I'm just really tired of one sided friendships. I can't tell if I'm a friend or just someone they can use sometimes. None of my friends have ever had my back but I've always had theirs. It's super depressing for me its hard not to feel alone.

[MaybeBocchi]

Idk but this person's voice is so smoothing it helps me sleep alot better than usually no matter the topic of the video

[GETGOOPED]

honestly, thank you for making these videos. as well as being educative, i find them genuinely entertaining and comforting, i know this is very off-topic, but i wanted to say it somewhere.

[BlackFairy-zkwl]

Another sign is being brutally honest but they can't handle honesty. This is interesting because they simultaneously hate liars . Also, constantly telling people who they are instead of just being that. Lastly, punishing those who reject them to make themselves feel better. Rejection makes a narcissist feel worthless, and some feel they can only get their power back by seeing the person who rejected them suffer . Even if the person rejected them in the nicest way, their fragile self worth cant handle rejection in a mature way.

[diamondbard]

I have a friend who shows big signs of Covert narcissism. After months of trying we finally made him seek a therapist, but he kept saying that he was doing it for us and not himself. Finally, he's going to the therapist for himself and not for us.
Another friend told him that he showed signs of Covert narcissism, so he took that up with his therapist. His therapist does have that in mind too.
My friend group is trying to learn more about it as well, cause he's getting worse and worse, we're all at our limits. So this video is a good help for us. And now it's time to find a way to get better mentally, cause dealing with what we have been dealing with for months is mentally exhausting.
Also gonna say, that our own mental health is not a good enough reason to stay back apparently. That is wrong. Your own mental health always comes before everyone else's. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others

[carrie]

1:03 is kind of hard though cuz ppl shouldn't give unwarranted advice it can come off as belittling or putting the other person down like "oh girly that pink, its too flash for you, you should stick to neutral shades like the browns and greys". when in truth that person always wears pink cus its their favorite and they may get lots of complements when they do so this leads the other person to confusion and asking "oh so you don't think I can pull off flashy colors?"

I wouldn't say my motivation is only self-gain but I do struggle to want to do things for people that always disappoint me when I ask them to do things for me so eventually I just decide to drop the people pleasing act bc why bent over backwards for someone who won't even comminate with you.