The Silent Manipulators: 6 Warning Signs of Covert Narcissists

We are not here to shame or disciminate against covert narcissists as we are a channel to promote mental wellness awareness, and self education. However, if you're wondering if the person you are talking to might be secretly a narcissist, then this video may help. Recognizing toxic behaviours or signs that your close ones might be a narcissist could help us in terms of bringing awareness to the relationship so that a better course of action can be decided.

The support are much appreciated especially in our early stage of working on these stories.

Team involved:
Writer: Syazwana Amirah
Editor: Caitlin McColl
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Aleana chj
Project Managed: Geo Gao
Youtube Manager: Cindy Cheong

REFERENCES

Gabbard, G. O. (1989). Two subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic, 53(6), 527–532.

[Psychgo]

We are working really hard to include stories.

[Kingtron]

1. Sensitivity to criticism
2. Silent smugness
3. Impolite gestures
4. Fish out sympathy
5. Passive-aggresive behavior
6. Self serving sympathy

[sdflores]

In my opinion a covert narcissist is way worse than a grandiose narcissist, because coverts are so unpredictable and they can play that sneaky game for years without their victims noticing it quickly. I found covert narcissist to betray, gossip and have a malicious vengeance inside of their disturbing secret world. Its very scary and it can absolutely traumatize people from even trusting others.

[GodammitNappa]

Constantly dealing with some of these negative traits, seeing them in myself, and wishing to improve but unknowing to how. It's a struggle to see this lack of emotional empathy and feel rather stuck, but I'm commenting this to show others that recognizing the problem, is part of growing through it. I have a very long, exhausting, and difficult climb if I want to improve but it's my battle and no one else's. Remember to not push your insecurities on others :)

[ArbitraryZer]

Had a fake friend like this. She loved it when I was her therapist always helping with her "anxiety" and checking up on her. My mother was diagnosed with cancer. Barely did she ever ask how I was doing. I was still her therapist. Whilst I gave her basic feedback that jt wasn't nice that she didn't even bother to ask about my own situation which was serious, there was not a single apology made and just defense. Later on the line when she was hanging in a group with other friends, she never said anything to my face but behind my back said I was anti lgbt "only when she was in the room" which both things were factually untrue, she made everything about herself, could never apologise or take responsibility for her own behaviour and constantly played the victim. All because of her "anxiety". Creepy AF

[FizzyStilz]

*Timestamps*

0:42 The thinnest skin of all
1:43 Silent smugness
2:17 Impolite gestures
2:48 Fish out sympathy
3:19 Passive-aggressive behavior
3:54 Self-serving empathy

[i.tsunami]

Love yourself and have boundaries. Everyone wants love and acceptance. Be kind. Everyone has something ❤

[hellofrominside]

I told my therapist I suspect I might have narcissistic personality disorder and after a month or so she confirmed my suspicions. (She didn’t specify the covert part but I feel like most of it’s applicable) I don’t have it under control by any means but I’m starting to notice subtle changes in the way I interact with loved ones and I feel good about it. Everyone’s situation is different but if you feel like you have narcissistic traits and have access to therapy I recommend it.

[willldo]

Narcissists will destroy you if you don't know what they are doing. They will leave you completely broken and destroyed and smile the whole time. Maybe not right in front of you, but they will be laughing when you're not around them if they are too scared to do it to your face.

[lb.a]

Videos like this one have helped me to realize I was dealing with narcissistic friends because they had every single one of these traits. I knew something was off with them and I couldn't say what. I can tell these were the most draining interactions I had in my life. Good thing I ended these friendships with no contact at all and now I have zero regrets, because they tried to make me stay (through victimization) as their friend, but now that I look back it became obvious they didn't care about me, all they wanted me for was to make them feel good about themselves.
Recognizing these traits helped me to move on to a happier life.

[fateslegacy]

I think narcissism as a whole is definitely not a good thing but videos like this helps me understand the subject better so thanks.

[Analisaa.mariee]

This is my father all over. Especially the last point. It's hard because he hides it well. I love him so much and he's a good person but he's also selfish, insecure and hurtful. Its really draining.

[Klawdee]

I've been a narcissistic for such a long time and I've just lost a really close friend over it. I wanna grow and get better though. All I ever did was talk about my own issues to them and whenever they told me to get help, I refused and kept bothering them. I was so caught up in seeking attention, that I didn't see that they had their own issues. It sucks

[catdownthestreet]

please, make a video about the differences between autism spectrum disorder, borderline personality disorder and narcissism. there are probably people out there that are watching this and wondering if they’re a narcissist, when it could be something else. i think it’s important to be able to discern disorders like these from each other- especially when it could harm people to not know the difference.

[Nikelaos_Khristianos]

So, I can definitely go silent or cold on people at times. But far from feeling superior to anyone, it’s often at times when I genuinely don’t know who has my best interests at heart from those around me, and I’m terrible at hiding my emotions which I also inherently take longer to process. But sometimes I will intentionally surround myself with people as a means of distracting myself, which doesn’t always work. And so ultimately, at times when this is most pronounced, it’s because I don’t know who I can trust with my vulnerability because I’m kinda just used to it being invalidated.

[yule]

I always tell my friends about my life, but they never open up in return. I don't like asking questions, I want my friends to just share things with me without being asked. They think I'm a bit self adsorbed because of this. I had an ex friend tell me, "all you ever did was talk about yourself." And it really hurt me, because I would have listened to them, but they never bothered. Maybe I wasn't as responsive when they spoke, I tend to get bored easily when people talk. And of course I'm self absorbed, all I really do is spend time alone, because I'm an introvert. I think about life and deep questions... but lately I have been struggling with people seeing me as a narcissist

[nephilim]

I do relate to these for the most part ... but i cannot stand people feeling bad for me, let alone going out of my way to make others feel sympathy for me. I dont have much empathy for myself. But i do want help because this is mildly concerning

[Drew_HBK]

As someone that was diagnosed with BPD going on 4yrs now I see some of these traits that concern me but it really comes down to intentions. I’ll love to see a comparison video.

[ashikana]

It's crazy that years can pass and you don’t see it in certain people but the more aggressive a covert narcisssistic friend is, the more obvious it is. I've stopped or slowly drifted away from those friendships.

[appleitree]

Not me checking if I am a covert narcissist 💀