What Men With An Avoidant Attachment Style Need To Be Happy

Join Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist with over 15 years of experience in psychology and relationships, delves into the often misunderstood world of avoidant attachment style. If you've ever felt disconnected in relationships, always on guard, or like you're missing out on deeper emotional connections, this video is tailored for you. Adam explores the concept of survival mode—a mechanism that might have been activated in childhood, leading to what is known as avoidant attachment style. This isn't about labeling or diagnosing; it's about offering insights and pathways to richer, more fulfilling relationships.

Discover why avoidant attachment feels normal to those who experience it, stemming from childhood environments lacking in emotional bonding or support. Understand how this survival mechanism impacts your ability to trust, open up, and truly connect with others, often leaving you feeling like something is missing in your relationships. Adam dispels myths around avoidant attachment, emphasizing that it's not about being flawed but rather about navigating life with a particular set of challenges and strengths.

Learn about the biochemical aspects of avoidant attachment, including low oxytocin levels and how they contribute to a more mechanical and tactical approach to relationships. Adam offers hope by outlining a pathway toward happiness and fulfillment that involves knowledge, skills, and experiences. Through understanding attachment theory, learning effective communication and conflict resolution skills, and systematically desensitizing fears around intimacy, you can unlock a new level of joy and connection in your life.

This video aims to show those with avoidant attachment style—and those who love them—how to build true contentment, maintain firm boundaries, and find fulfillment with the right people. Whether you're navigating personal relationships or seeking to enhance your romantic life, Adam provides the tools and insights necessary to transform your approach to connections and embrace a more fulfilled, contented life.

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Key Topics:
Understanding Avoidant Attachment
Pathways to Fulfillment in Relationships
The Role of Survival Mode in Emotional Development
Building Emotional Bonding and Trust
Biochemical Aspects of Avoidant Attachment
Navigating the Happiness Pathway for Deeper Connection
Enhancing Communication Skills for Stronger Relationships
Implementing Systematic Desensitization to Overcome Fears
Insights from Adam Lane Smith, Attachment Specialist
Gaining Psychological Insights into Relationship Dynamics
Cultivating Emotional Intimacy
Strategies for Personal Growth in the Context of Avoidant Attachment

[AttachmentAdam]

The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available!

[avalerionbass]

The "obsessed with fairness" point really hit home with me.

[vincerecoeurdelummiere]

Ugh the hyper alertness is exhausting, and is the core reason I need a ton of alone time.
Small talk and developing familiarity is insurmountable.

[matthewbarber]

As an "ethical" avoidant, reading the comments on this video has convinced me to continue my quarantine and self-isolation indefinitely. I neither want to control another person, nor do I want to be controlled by them. There is so much hurt and anger toward avoidants for not being everything that everyone expects of them, all the time. I can't be who you want me to be, and if I am such a terrible person for being what I am, then I guess keeping to myself is the best thing I can do for society short of checking out early.

[ainaluna]

The fact that I started tearing up because I felt seen and understood as an ethical avoidant.

[Imjustacatlady]

My husband can be avoidant. His mom was a single mom that went to college and worked full time. He was always alone with no other siblings. Truly alone his entire childhood and only socialized when he was at achool. It took many years to open him up to accept love and help. We got married after 10 years of being together and are still going strong 4 years after marriage. Love and light does a lot of good for all of us. ❤

[bethechange]

I really think this kind of stuff should be taught either in school or as a compulsory course at university just as a humanitarian contribution. I’m so grateful for your videos

[Sadie_Seattle]

Avoidant female here 👋🏼
I've never heard of an ethical avoidant before today and it deeply resonated with me more so than any of the other attachment style. Thank you for speaking about it bc not all avoidants are monsters🙏🏼

Secretly, I love very hard but I don't trust others not to use that love against me once they know = *isolation mode activated*

Honestly... Love just seems like a secret level on a video game, one that I have been playing for years and I still have no idea which buttons to push to get there.... only to discover that the controller hasn't even been plugged in this entire time. 🎮👾

[steve-adams]

“Trust almost doesn’t exist”
“Other people lack control and discipline”

Wow! These two pieces really jumped out. Also, fairness. I’m realizing this lens on treatment of others and how much fairness matters actually isn’t universal at all, but feels very important to me.

[ageves]

Some people really don't want or know how to reintroduce themselves to their past trauma so they can work through or be free of it, though. It is tremendous amount of work, that requires a godly amount of patience that nobody should have to sacrifice themselves for in order to feel loved or appreciated. Not everybody cares about being self aware, or doing the work, and that is nobody else's responsibility to bear, except the person in question. No one is going to save you, but you. And that goes for everybody on this planet. I have learned that the hard way. Look out for yourself, and don't bring any unnecessary suffering to anyone else around you, at their expense, and your gain, or you will be in trouble. Trust me.

[mimimi]

I'm am anxious avoidant disorganized attachment style female. This video made me cry because I've never heard of ethical avoidant before and that is exactly what i am. I dont want to hurt people, i just dont want to be hurt. Ive never felt more heard and understood like this before. Thank you so much

[michaelangelmurillo]

I am an unethical avoidant who experienced trauma and violence as a child. I have hurt a lot of people in my lifetime.

[BlueBlue]

We care too much...that's the problem. I want to be valued and heard. If he doesn't value me what's the point of trying to help.

[Escapistaustria]

Here is my view as an anxiosly attached person: You were spot on with communicating the need for time alone. This will help both the avoidant and the anxiously attached. I suffer the most when I get ghosted because the other person needs time alone. It feels very disrespectful and it gives me major panic to not know why the avoidant is suddenly gone. So if the avoidant works on themselves to communicate properly, optimally with a time frame so I know when they will be back, I work on myself and try to stay calm and give them space. Both put in effort and both get their needs met at least partially. That way, both can trust each other and slowly get more secure.

[dannyshawn]

All my life (I'm 28 now), I've heard songs, stories, and movies about how great loving relationships are, and the struggles people deal with for love and closeness. I never understood why someone would go through all that pain or why they would pursue something so boring/time consuming/stressful like companionship and intimacy. If i'm being honest, I still don't understand it. But listening to your video made me realize that there's something more out there that I'm missing, and knowing that it's out there gives me a direction to move towards. Thank you.

[Ooweeeooo]

I believe my boyfriend is avoidant, he has trauma, but I love him very much and we have good communication. He seems to be pretty healed & is able to express himself. I love him very much

[OakleyANDSittingBull]

"Women, no one ever talks about you, but hi, I see you." 🎯

[TorturedScribbler]

I want to understand him better more than anything else. I want him to feel respected and loved while opening up and staying open to me.

[antoinettemunn]

Avoidant woman here, Hi! I am going to show this to my avoidant love interest. Both of us are struggling to move forward in the relationship or let it go or be friends. We give each other 6-12 weeks of silent treatment to deal with our problems and come back like nothing ever happened. It’s giving me whiplash lol

[socwardle]

I think it’s great to understand these attachment issues. But at the end of the day we are responsible for ourselves, our fears, wants or needs. If two people cannot find the sweet spot to grow together because of differences and inability to fulfill each other’s needs, then accept that you aren’t meant for each other and move on. Why carry on and exhaust yourself? I have had experience with an avoidant, and I tried to learn how to understand, listened to videos like this one and read. I was learning alright, but slowly I realized I was losing myself. This awakening made me decide one day that the cost was too much, more than what I was willing or capable to give. Ended it in a good note. I felt liberated to be back to my old self.