Are they a Narcissist or just Avoidant?? Here's how to tell...

Here's the easiest way to tell if someone is a narcissist or just an avoidant. They can both love bomb, they can both dismiss or invalidate your feelings, they are both intimacy averse and emotionally unavailable. However, there's one major difference between the two and it can really help us to decide how to navigate that relationship.

#narcissist #avoidantattachment #datingadvice

[TheEtherealgrl]

"You were so worried about them abandoning you, that you abandoned yourself" This is deep!

[rebeldown]

"the avoidant doesn't even want to have needs, and they certainly don't want you meeting them because then that means they're relying on you" that blew my mind...

[ElvenChaos]

As an avoidant type, I promise I'm not here to hurt people. *I* have been so hurt and used/taken advantage of by almost everyone in my life, so I developed this to protect myself. But I've been doing years of work on it in therapy and I'm very self aware. Thats the key. You need to be self aware to get through this and do better.

[penelope]

As an avoidant, I once sobbed because I felt like a horrible person and grappled with the thought that I might be a narcissist. Then I realized, a narcissist would never cry about how their actions might’ve made someone feel. The guilt of being an avoidant kills me. I care so much deep down

[tatianadeneve]

“One person cannot create a healthy relationship. It takes two.” 🙏🏽🏆

[nerdyrebel]

"you are used to getting inconsistent love" that hit me so hard

[rynfiaryn]

My last partner was avoidant. He was a total sweetheart and never once demeaned or belittled me. We never even fought. But he was also completely incapable of prioritizing me or meeting any of my needs. It was my first serious relationship with someone I actually cared about and my inexperience led to me doing a lot of things wrong, but in the end, it was just simple incompatibility... It still hurts, but hopefully the next one goes better now that I've learned a lot.

[Clevelandsteamer]

Narcs can also fall asleep immediately when their head hits the pillow. They don’t self reflect or think about the way they think. They can cut you at your knees and sleep like a baby

[forsakenjones]

An avoidant won't go out of their way to destroy some one.

[KM-knnu]

“Do they respect your boundaries- do they even CARE what they are..”

[EmBem]

An avoidant still has empathy but a narcissist doesn't

[bxrosie]

3:31 “…and this isn’t a popular opinion but the truth is anxiously-attached partners have just as many issues as the avoidant.” Thank you, sir! You have no idea how validating that feels. ❤

[a_hsalem]

Avoidant is self preservation. Avoidant can spot Narcissists and withdraw. Avoidant types don’t like confrontation, emotional outbursts or any form of conflicts. I would say they feel more and it is so uncomfortable that retreat as the only way they can process these emotions. Hurting others is never the goal. Self preservation and feeling safe is the goal.

[harremsis]

I love this perspective! "They're not a bad person, they're just a bad partner FOR YOU." - really a breath of fresh air amongst all the "destroy the narcissist" hate.

[miahan]

A friendly reminder to my dear fellow avoidants: Your needs are not less important than your anxious partner’s needs. You are not a bad person just because you are an avoidant attachment type and they’re not a good person just because they are an anxious attachment type who “just wants some love”.

If you’re like me then you probably would LOVE to meet the needs of your loved ones if you COULD. But sometimes you’re just crawling in your skin and hating yourself to death because you think you SHOULD want to give them what they need right now. But you’re not a machine. You need to heal and you deserve love and respect too ❤

I’ve realised that right now (1) I’m unable to have someone depend on me and (2) I’m unable to meet someone else’s emotional and physical needs. That’s why I’ve decided I’ll not have children and that I’ll not start a relationship until I’ve healed. You’re not a bad person for prioritising your health and needs ❤ you’ve been hurt and it’s not your fault, but you can always choose to work on yourself in order to have a better life ❤

[ashton]

Avoidants ''dismiss' also because of manipulation, or perceived manipulation, esp when the other person doesn't know how to regulate their own emotions too well. Hard for them to trust, and they're trying to see what the person is about by their opening up. A narcissist will outright dismiss/invalidate someone, regardless of whichever insecure att style they may have because, simply they feel they take first place and you don't count as much.

[tricialafrancerougas]

Exactly… if they don’t care about hurting you, belittle you, don’t respect your boundaries, are okay going to sleep while you’re crying because they did something that you’ve already told them hurts you, dismiss your feelings and tell you they’re trying to bring you back to reality or that you have mental issues and need to get help, tell you how amazing their friends wives are and what all they do when you do everything they ask of you, lie to their friends about you so they think poorly of you, tell you that you have no reason not to trust them when they’ve lied repetitively to you and been unfaithful, just run…

[AnjaFujawaMissTravelBlog]

I love the plants in the background, they create a calm atmosphere. <3

[tynaduckett]

It makes me teary eyed to hear you say what I deserve . Not to be demeaned or belittled, yelled at, called names, touched inappropriately . I've had these encounters throughout my life. I'm beaten down and I am seeking help. I appreciate you saying such kind and helpful words. My heart aches when I think of the people who have hurt me. I do have codependency issues and I am seeking help. But to hear you validate what has been done to me makes me feel seen. Thank you for your great advice. I want real love!! ❤ I know you are helping so many people. God bless you as you reach out to others for their healing. Thank you. ❤

[SophiasIchor]

"You deserve someone who wants to put in the work to make this relationship work." Fact.