If You get this Wrong, An Avoidant Man WILL Run Away!

Let's delve into the intricate dynamics of relationships with avoidant men. Drawing from his extensive experience and countless conversations with avoidant individuals, Adam unveils the primary reason why these men often retreat from relationships, leaving their partners perplexed and heartbroken.

Contrary to popular belief, avoidant men aren't inherently afraid of commitment. Instead, Adam reveals that their behavior stems from a deeply ingrained tendency to constantly assess risks in all aspects of their lives, including relationships. This perpetual risk assessment, while essential for their success in other domains, becomes overwhelming and exhausting in the realm of emotional intimacy.

Adam skillfully navigates through the common pitfalls that women encounter when involved with avoidant partners, highlighting the detrimental effects of emotional starvation and the misinterpretation of their partner's actions. He elucidates how attempts to pressure avoidant men into commitment often backfire, exacerbating feelings of resentment and further distancing them.

However, Adam doesn't leave his audience without solutions. He advocates for a paradigm shift in communication, urging women to adopt a language of risk assessment and proactive problem-solving. By articulating clear, measurable expectations and addressing potential threats to the relationship, women can build trust and security with their avoidant partners, ultimately fostering a deeper connection.

Adam's approach is pragmatic yet compassionate, offering a pathway for women to navigate the complexities of relationships with avoidant men. Through his coaching services, he provides personalized guidance tailored to individual circumstances, empowering women to bridge the gap and cultivate fulfilling relationships based on mutual understanding and trust.

If you're grappling with the challenges of loving an avoidant man or seeking to rebuild a connection with an ex-partner, this transcript offers invaluable insights and practical strategies for navigating the intricacies of attachment styles and fostering meaningful relationships. Dive into Smith's expertise and discover a new perspective on love, commitment, and emotional intimacy with avoidant partners.

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Chapters:
00:00:00 - Why Most Women Drive Away Avoidant Men
00:02:07 - The Constant Risk Assessment of Avoidant Men
00:04:31 - The Fear of Commitment
00:07:00 - The Effects of Avoidant Men on Women
00:09:19 - The Threat of Emotional Starvation
00:11:40 - The Language of Risk Assessment
00:14:16 - Reducing Risks and Increasing Emotional Intimacy
00:16:42 - Communicating in Relationships
00:18:59 - Speaking the Language of Risk
00:21:13 - Understanding Avoidant Men and Their Needs

[AttachmentAdam]

The HOW TO LOVE AN AVOIDANT MAN video course is now available!

[cosmopolitan]

It’s exhausting for them but I think it’s more exhausting for their partner. The avoidant is scanning for risks;their partner is scanning for any signs of caring!

[try]

I just broke up with my avoidant partner this morning. I set clear expectations, granted space, and took the advice of many therapists. At the end of the day, I couldn't keep contending with the phantom ex that he uses to keep me at bay. I may love him, and as a secure attachment person, I have been so patient, loving, and kind. When I would try and bring up our “risks” and bring solutions he would shut down. I pray for his sake he tackles some of these issues because he is a wonderful man. I know it's not his fault, but it is his responsibility to fix it.

[jersauce]

As an avoidant man, I have to say the biggest thing that made me stop wanting to be avoidant was recognizing where the source of this avoidant behavior came from (betrayal from my mother) helped me compartmentalize the distrust to her and stop projecting it onto my romantic partners.

[senoriessamusic]

To whoever who needs to hear this: What is meant to be yours will stay and what isnt will pull themselves away

[tellitlikeitis]

It’s exhausting. I’m not going to struggle forever trying to to love someone who won’t let me.

[Fishdemon]

As an avoidant man, I haven’t been in a relationship or even been intimate with anyone for nearly 12 years. I’m nearly 31 and the act of opening and being vulnerable is terrifying. I’m afraid not just about connecting but being the reason for someone else’s pain, I don’t want to be the one who hurts others, so I concluded at a young age that I shouldnt interact because it’s ‘always’ going to be my fault no matter the situation.
Trying to be closer to my friends and family in hopes of one day being able to be vulnerable and intimate with a lover, is really really difficult, even just getting on a dating app is exhausting.
Add to it, that I need help and don’t know who to ask, how to ask or what to ask is usually enough for me to throw my hands up and say fuck this it’s easier to be alone. And that’s all to say that I want to know what love feels like, and I want to be a pillar of support for someone but I don’t know how to chase and work for something if I don’t even believe it is as good as everyone says it is. Hope my rant makes sense for anyone who actually reads this…

[jennifers.]

Find someone who speaks the same language you do and let the Avoidants work it out amongst themselves. It shouldn’t be this hard. You shouldn’t have to bend and compromise and walk on eggshells and speak the “right way” this much for both of you to get your needs met.

[dianaortiz]

Let them go. Find a secure attachment and live happily ever after.

[jenid]

Actually no. They are the least direct people I’ve ever met. They will completely sidestep direct communication and crumple when spoken to directly. They want it to be indirect so as not to hurt their ego. It’s crazy honestly. Everyone has traumas and everyone needs healing, but it’s up to them. And the best thing would be to avoid a relationship until you are healed and aware of your patterns, instead of lovebombing someone and then pulling away and blaming them for the distance. It’s actually very sick and sad.

[cherbuck]

And the long silent treatment as punishment is emotionally exhausting

[kimmywadsworth]

This is the most unsatisfying type of relationship that I have ever been in. It's a no for me.

[evedelgado]

Ladies....my advice FOR YOUR LIFE!!!! YOU are FAR MORE IMPORTANT than a broken person who will only BREAK YOU in return. LEAVE THESE TYPES ALONE!!!!

[lucindalaree]

Been there. Done that. Never again will I give Into trying to love or be in relationship with a high maintenance avoidant man. It’s a soul sucking situation.

[saharalove]

Everyone says avoidants are afraid of commitment or don't commit. I think thats bogus. Their dedication to repeating the same patterns of behavior over and over- expecting different results every time- is a level of commitment fantasized by even the most secure couples! 🙃

[butterfly]

The thing is, he DOES know. He knew how to love me for 6 months until he got me to fall in love with him and now I feel completely unloved.

[createa.googleaccount]

I will say, that his " Risk Assessment " makes Me Feel On Edge and Unsafe! So his Fears are Manifesting/ mirroring Fears in me. I am Guarded around him because I can't relax & feel safe, so I'm on edge & he can now prove to himself that there's "Risks" as apposed to Dealing with his core wounds and Being Safe within Himself & then I'll Feel Safe in his presence... 😒

[kim_possible]

Empty promises, lies, and chasing the unavailable. I run the risk assessment consistently as a result of his actions. The only answer is to love from a distance. I wanted to love him to health. But he won’t heal until he loves himself.

[barbarasaracini]

Yeah...great advice, if you want to have to think about everything you say and the way you say it, as opposed to being with someone who relates to how you communicate because they communicate the same way. I've had both kinds of relationships...I don't need to tell you which one was most fulfilling and enjoyable. 😊

[msrae]

Ok so …. 5 months in to our second time around ( first time lasted 1.5 years on and off lots of confusion and arguments anxious and avoidant struggle) we took an 11 month break and I focused on myself. then he came back.
I resisted, then gave in

I started to do my research and started to listen and change my thinking and mentality. I leaning more securely attached (sometimes get anxious) but with communication the anxiety is taken away.

I’ve learned more about him in 5 months than I did in 1.5 years.
2 weeks ago he told me he loved me out of no where.
Then at a gathering in front of his friends and family (his closest friends)
He called me his girlfriend out loud I was shocked by this because he is a very private person and doesn’t talk about his relationships and he has never given me a title before

It’s going well and I’m enjoying my time I think he trusts me more now so his guard is coming down.