Your Fears are Sabotaging your Relationship (Anxious and Avoidant Attachment)

Insecure attachment stems from a fear of vulnerability and closeness. Regardless of whether it's anxious attachment or avoidant attachment, there is a fear behind the behaviors. Anxious attached people fear distance and disconnection, so they are on high alert for any threat someone will leave them, but in that fear they smother their partner. Avoidant attached people fear loss of freedom and being smothered, so they keep their partner at a distance, avoiding vulnerability and feelings and intimacy because at the end of the day, those might lead to too much closeness, so it's easier to just avoid them.
#attachment #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment

[rwansays]

"Anxiously attached partners only feel as safe as their last interaction with their partner" wow, that's put it clear for me on how I stand in my relationships and even daily interactions unforetunately. Thanks for sharing and all you explain on the channel.

[RedfernInkanina]

This one stung a little. I'm anxious-avoidant and my partner is avoidant, so our relationship is honestly pretty rocky. It's hard. I try to tell him how I feel, and it shuts him down. It sucks. But I want to keep trying because I love him. Best of luck to all of you in healing yourselves.

[juliet]

Wow, this one made me cry...😥, especially the last part about "not letting people from the past take away the gift of a great relationship in the present."
Such wise and compassionate advice.
I'm learning so much from your videos, thank you! 🙏❤️

[CertifiedCrow]

Thanks for this one, Jimmy. I just figured out what attachment styles are. My gf figured out shes an anxious attachment and i am an avoident attachment style. And.... Gosh, its hard. We communicate very openly, but the things we were describing... We had no idea what it actually was until seeing things like this. It made me really upset to realize that I was self sabotaging. All this time I was looking for whatever it is about her that kept making me suddenly and unexplainably need space from her. I assumed there must be something wrong with her. Yet, every time I looked, there was nothing. She proved to be the same person time and time again. I realized I was constantly just waiting for her to reveal herself as this awful person when she had done nothing wrong. It's difficult with an anxious attachment, also, because sometimes... She does do things wrong. Holds on too tightly, almost smotheringly. She truly doesn't mean to, she's just afraid of abandonment. And unfortunately, because of the hot and cold unreasonable doubt I've had, it's become a threateningly real reality to her. We're very open about it and trying to heal from it, it's just really hard. I hope you can make more videos on this to aid on a healinf journey, because I really love her and I am tired of the self sabotaging I do. It's exhausting for both of us.

[mikaelatomlinson]

I have an anxious attachment love style. It’s so hard to fix, but working on it one day at a time. We all deserve to love and be loved. Thank you for sharing this

[tearthangel]

I have rarely met a person who has a Safe Attachment

[vjilbjl]

I know I am anxious attacher, so I had counseling sessions and read lots of books to heal myself and to built my self-esteem. Then I met a guy. I thought I could have a wonderful relationship with him, but he ghosted me. This killed my heart so much. I’m still suffering from this trauma. I hope I can find the healthy relationship someday…😢
I love your videos! Thank you.

[r_and_a]

wow... as a "fearful avoidant" / "disorganized" attachment, i've never felt more called out by something that wasn't specifically about FAs... 😬 *thank you* for all you do!

[michelledejesus]

Thank you for articulating this so well! I understand myself a little bit better now.

[_unfiltered]

And fearful avoidant is a swinging pendulum between both these nightmares

[mookeystinks]

I was at one point. I’m in a glow up phase where the love of my life has kind of distanced himself and I’ve used this time to improve myself. I went from self hating to really loving me and daily working to be more secure and happy. I’m getting excited about the future again and whatever I’m doing is working because men are coming out of nowhere asking me out and seeing what I’m up to. Very interesting 🤔

[SlothsDontLie]

This helped me depersonalize so much. Thank you!!!

[butterflypathchristiancoach]

Ouch. Yeah...i am afraid of all that. But i want to heal for myself and those around me. With God all things are possible! I pray i can find the right resources and trustwhorty people for that.

[MarioEstrada-oz]

Learning to be secure, my ex is a fearful avoidant. Even though it's hard to manage any conversation I'm just glad she does enough to let me see my daughter. But she is completely detached from me which hurts a lot. I'm still taking care of myself and working on my physical and mental health. I am on the right medication for ADHD, previously I was misdiagnosed with bipolar type 1. It had been a very rocky road in my life because I was on medication that affected my mental health and physical health for a long time. I'm finding peace. I just hope and pray everyday that my ex can heal from her own problems.

[gingerdeb]

I totally agree with everything you said but what are some actual steps to correcting anxious attachment? I’ve been doing weekly therapy for over a year now, and while I’ve come a long way with doing personal reflection & not beating myself up so much, I can’t seem to figure out how to not read into everything and worry. How do you undo a lifetime of crap from family & past failed relationships?

[richmckeemusic]

You are brilliant ! So glad I found your channel

[RoSa-krhy]

Why do people with anxious attachment feel drawn to people with avoidant attachment? Is it an attempt to get the connection we never really had as children?

[IndianSumaira]

When we are unable to pick up their call like we are in bathroom or shower, then they keep on calling on all the phones at home ...and then when u receive one they yell why were you answering when i call what you do all day... I can't understand why? Why not call after 15 mins instead and don't panic and yelling

[jeninjersey]

This is the most accurate thing I have heard about myself in a long time!!!😳

[ShiNoTenshixX]

This helps a lot, but also hurts a lot because I am sabotaging my own relationship without knowing. At least it puts things into perspective that my wife is a avoidant and I am a anxious avoidant. 🤜🤛 At least I know what I can work on now and stop being a silent servant with the fear of being abandoned.