How to stop OBSESSING over someone - 3 psychology tips - PART 2

[sunynextdoor]

Honestly guys, after watching this video literally I apologised to myself, apologised to my inner child that I have been damaging with a lot of criticism and self doubts I didn't realise that I was actually hurting my inner child and I apologised, cried and accepted my faults and I told my inner child that no, we're going to get through this. The reassurance I wanted from that other person, I gave it to my inner child that I will fix everything I have been very bad with you I have been very toxic with you but not anymore I am going to make everything right and I love my self. Become a parent to your inner child they always needed. This video gave me a major breakthrough. Can't thank enough 🙏🏻

[hanassi]

Working on other areas of your life when you realised you’re getting too obsessed over a crush has to be one of the best practical advice so far (as obvious as it may sound)

[diegomendoza]

I'm currently trying to prevent myself from obsessing over someone I can't be with. You are spot on when it comes to trying to focus on other things that are happening in my life. It can be difficult at times but I will have to try harder. This will be something I will have to talk with my therapist. What the other person has given me was support and a friend I never had growing up. Supportive, has similarities with me and trustworthy. I've been there before and I can surely get pass this as well.

[icsc]

ive only watched 3 videos of this woman AND OMFG!!! explained in such simple terms yet hits right to the core. BRILLIANT!!!

[E.cen.triq_Livin]

Whew!!! That “going for people who are unavailable” statement was spot on! Everything else too but that one hit home!

[thekajalflaneur]

1. It's very logical, but I think limerance results from unresolved trauma. Obsession is projection, right. Having free time or working full time, if you are in stuck in limerance, temporality isn't going to change much of your internal fantasy. You'll just be exhausted, and obsessed, I'm sorry to say. But your idea of a brainstorm of other areas of life is wonderful and helps the subject to visualise alternatives. Exactly.
2. Media and marketing has a vested interest in creating an ideology of Romanticism, yeah? Maintain status anxiety and relative positioning (especially among the bourgeois). People go for unavailable people because again of unresolved (usually childhood) trauma. It's much easier to have a parasocial relationship of pure fantasy than the practical reality of negotiating an honest intimacy. But this fantasy is a trauma response because of neglectful or absent parents, so you as a kid go into a fantasy world of love and hugs etc in order to survive the emotional deficiency of parents, no. Further, I think also being expectant of rules in relationships, is simply a projection of one's own lack of self love. Because isn't it, strangely, easier to love the Other person than to love yourself. That doesn't mean though that you are saved from insecurities, in fact, it hyperfocalizes them often, because unlike your interior self, you cannot control your external lover. No matter how hard you try (or delude yourself into thinking you can).
3. Conditional trauma of parental drama. (i.e. you like drama because as a kid you saw your parents in drama, and as such that is your perception of normal, hence its your expectation going into both relationships but more broadly, life.) This is, as you say, a trauma response. Shadow work, then inner child work, is primarily just feeling it, not thinking it. Hence why these forms of self awareness are so potent and productive. All the answers to the questions are just below the surface. I think, as with almost everything both in psychology and in life, you simply have to be: Honest.

[milkcookiesandme]

5:10 she nails the issue right on the head. Scary how relatable this advice was because I have never met you, talked about my life, and yet it feels like you know me better than I know myself.

[AliShirdelian]

You earned yourself a new follower. Your energy, your rational and professionalism are just exemplary. 😍

[saturnianitch]

What a timing. I needed this so much. Part one was helping me, fell into a small hole tonight and then your video showed up. You’re amazing! Thank you!!

[dkwtdwbp]

Here's my thing. My obsession hasn't gotten to a point where I would think for a second I had a chance with them nor do I think they care about me. Yet, I'm still obsessed. I'm obsessed with the joy that watching their content and following what their share on SM. I'm obsessed with the years of virtual memories I made with strangers online over this person. I was a child when I first discovered them, and I didn't realize it would get this bad. Your brutal words about me having no life and too much free time is so true. I'm just struggling to fill in that free time because I'm so lonely and don't know how to make friends. It's so so hard ):

[generoberts]

Thank You Francesca. To realize that people are now expressing the dramatic need toward our mental well being is an encouragement to strive ahead.

[emmaterrestrial]

this was incredibly insightful & i definitely did rewind a few times 😂 i appreciate the simplistic ways you have of summing up complicated topics 🧡

[lovetiger]

Honestly saw your beautiful and meaningful video for the first time and I’m obsessed!!!

[Conscious]

This is sooo 100% true! Thank u again Francesca! Once again, so educational & eye-opening!!

[beskidwood]

Francesca, I will be honest. Few months ago when one oh your shorts appeared on my feed, I clicked it despite the fact I qualified you as "discoteque girl". In my vocabulary, especially in this context it was not a compliment. Then I was surprised. Clicked subscribe. And today, despite my interest in psychology, I got to know something new. I heard about dopamime. I heard about obsessive personalities, but I never combined these two in the way, or in the context that was presented here. Thank you.

[Nicole]

Tysm for making these videos on obsessing over someone. I’ve been in therapy about this issue but never received the answers as to why this happens. Your videos have really opened my eyes to what is actually going on. It’s made such a difference and shift in my perspective. I didn’t realise how much unhealed childhood trauma I still carry in my adulthood. It’s the reason why I struggle so much in relationships.

[felixmilome]

And Just like that, after watching this video, am now even more obsessed with this Channel.

[Smartartin]

I was loved and cared for as a child, unconditionally. However after ending my relationship of 23 years which was devoid of any validation, love or care due to chronic cheating behavior of partner, I feel a vacuum. I am developing other aspects of my life like going for a Professional course, spending time with family and trying to seek a job. I still do feel the need to engage with someone but avoid it as I can sense it will not be good for me. When do we feel we are enough and how? I have not engaged in any addictive behavior but still feel a void that must be filled.

[LIDYAEIL]

You are so knowledgable in psychology! Thanks for your video

[HieuNguyen-zfie]

Wo, great video. Thank you for this great informative tips.