Limerence Explained | How to stop obsessively thinking about someone

#Limerence #LoveObsession #Relationships

In this video Psychological Well-Being Practitioner Marios Georgiou discusses Limerence. He explains what the term Limerence means, how to spot if you're in a limerence state and strategies to overcome or cope with limerence.

Marios is a Psychological Well-Being Practitioner at the Private Therapy Clinic, you can reach out via the following links:

Dr. Becky Spelman is a top Psychologist in London, Becky is the Clinic Director for Private Therapy Clinic which has clinic's based all around central London including; Harley Street, Wigmore Street, Bank, Earls Court & Canary Wharf. Becky uses Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Mindfulness to treat a range of difficulties with a particular interest in Borderline Personality Disorder and the difficulties that go with this condition such as relationship difficulties, anxiety, depression, low-self esteem, social anxiety, fear of public speaking, fear of intimacy, interpersonal difficulties, anger, body image issues, eating disorders and addictions.

For further help with this topic you can contact us here:

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[Dustybitch]

I’ve done this my entire life. I also used to imagine people I liked watching me do things and being impressed 😂 basically I’d be alone and crack a joke and imagine them thinking I’m hysterical. The obsessive thinking is so exhausting and it’s all because I didn’t really get the love at home.

[bunnyfreakz]

Limerence is escapism and can be addicting. Because whenever you think your fantasy, you will feels good. You want more and more, it is like crack.

Craziest part is I always motivated on limerence. Whenever I stopped thinking certain individual, my motivation just drop. Only by thinking her, I feels alive. It is just crazy.

[whatsthemattereu]

As an introvert, I've often experienced very strong limerence. I try to battle it but it always wins over me. A introspective existence is hell on earth.

[oraleannwills]

I’ve suffered with these emotions since I was around 5. There has always been someone I was infatuated with because they showed me a small amount of interest. I’m to the point in my life where I want to be happy and not feel like this. Or keep bouncing from person to person. Thank you so much for clarity and a starting point for treatment.

[stolensilver]

If I had had people in my life who loved me unconditionally and I could turn to, I wouldn’t have become limerant in the first place. My limerance came from Childood Emotional Neglect. My limerant object reciprocated my feelings but was unavailable, it lasted decades. It was like an addiction that comforted me and made me feel that at least there was one person in the world who loved me. I wanted love but was scared of love as I didn’t know what it really looked like. Having a fantasy love that could never manifest in reality allowed me to function (albeit poorly) with some feeling of self worth.

[taylorstep]

500 days of Summer movie is the perfect example of limerance.

[BlueskyDenver]

In my opinion which nobody asked for, you romanticize about another person and idealize them, because you unconsciously believe that they can meet you needs, the needs that were never met by your parents and caregivers have left this emptiness within you that you keep going through life attaching to this person or that person seeking to get your needs met one way or the other. You are not aware that nobody can ever fulfill your needs that went unmet by your parents and caregivers. And being an adult meeting your own needs is 100% your responsibility all the time, even if you meet a good person, even after you get into a romantic relationship, or marriage. And until you understand that and begin to show up for yourself and work on being there for yourself you will seek attachments to others that become obsessive, unhealthy and lead to pain and disappointment.

[riggedsportsnetwork]

Let's be real. If you had loving friends and family and a support system, you probably wouldn't be going through this.

[debih]

I have both… I obsess over him every second of the day but I also love him, I see his flaws, see his shortcomings, see his unattractive side. I’m usually torn between wanting it to work and moving on to someone who actually wants to love me as well.
I’m absolutely sick of the constant obsessive thoughts. I’m on a healing journey but it’s so incredibly daunting 😔😭

[Uksoapfan]

I have suffered unwanted limerence, often platonic, towards people, even strangers and it can be overwhelming and can make me feel nauseous. I worry that if the person knew about it, they would think I am a weirdo.

[bobleglob]

Just learned this the other day: The four neural paths to addiction are, arousal, fantasy, deprivation and numbness. Being in limerance involves the first three, and if it's in the context of an affair, the addiction is even stronger. The thing that sucks is the reasoning part of your brain knows it's an illusion but the addicted part of your brain is 100% sure that the limerant object is the love of your life. And those two aspects are in a constant fight. Add in the moral conflict of infidelity and experiencing your heart being divided between two people and you end up with a highly toxic emotional sh!t stew.

[BULDSIS]

I have a tear in my eye finally finding out im not alone in this. I've been obsessively thinking about this girl that i BARELY KNOW for fucking almost THREE YEARS. I've been gaslighting myself every day that my feelings can't be real cus i don't really know her. So so many attempts to convince myself that this isn't real and just "stop thinking about her", "get over it", but it just doesnt stick. I've been on the verge on puking from the overwhelming feelings that thinking about her can cause. I didnt know what the term "knees weak" meant before this ordeal. I even have my own "party trick" where i can willingly get goosebumps from just looking at her picture. Works every time. I was so scared that my mind was permanently broken for the rest of my life considering how long this has been going on. Thousands and thousands of hours of mental effort wasted on this whole thing. I've cried more the past 3 years than i have the entirety of my life before this. I really thought at some point there was no other way out than just stop living... Knowing that this isn't just a me thing and other people go through this as well is comforting and gives me hope that i can beat this.

[oniniso]

Interesting. It's like the mind doesn't want you to be conscious of these things. The moment you recognize these patterns, they lose their power. Thank you for this information.

[spiritofhonuguidanceforlife]

I went through this. Got stuck in the twin flame ideation over a covert narcissist. What helped me heal is educating myself about narcissism, narcissistic abuse, cptsd...but ALSO healing on a spiritual level. Learning that all the love and acceptance I wanted and hoped for but didnt get from family & lovers, I could get from within.
Learning to love myself wholly and unconditionally. Forgiving those who had hurt me, forgiving myself, all were key elements in healing from limmerance. It has been a LONG journey, but there is hope.

Remember, your soul is a fighter, and if you allow it, your mind will follow and be healed too.

I thought my problem was daydreaming, but now I understand it was actually limerance. Thank God I'm not on that mental state anymore and I hope I never go back to that point like wtf

[sukran]

Wow I wasn’t aware this is a mental health problem and called limerence :(( I used to feel so desperate and shameful because of my situation this video made me think that maybe what I have been experiencing is not that weird. I literally live with this person in my mind. It feels as if I’m living a double life in one body and it’s so tiring and overwhelming. In the meantime I have never felt this happy in my life. It’s definitely an addiction. It’s been two years and keeps coming back every time I thought it’s over.

[infinitemayuri]

OMG! I burst into tears as soon as the video had ended. This is the first time I have heard about the concept, which shows how underrated it is. I was literally blank for sometime, & everything in my life started making sense: why I am the way I am (specially in relationship with men). In my teenage days, it started off with unreciprocated crushes since I felt too embarassed to propose, or even talk to them b'coz i thought they would never like me back. As long as I can remember, I had had 'deep crushes', & each time it's getting tougher to overcome the obsession. After I have healed from my last one, which lasted for a year or so, I was so afraid to fall in that vicious cycle again that I started heavily ignoring men who were approaching me. They were potential men, but I found myself being very closed off, irritated & sometimes rude to them, which I later felt sorry for.

When I analyzed my situation, I found that I had suffered a deep sense of unworthiness in my childhood, which is not really rooted to lack of love in my life, but how my mother was treated by her in-laws (we lived in a joint family back then). Her worth was challenged several times, specially during her pregnancy & while I was a little baby. I did not understand anything at that time, but those feelings transferred onto me.

Now that I know why I am like this, I will become aware as soon as I start getting those feelings, practice the suggested coping mechanisms & not punish myself for being this way.
This video was a life changing one! I can never be grateful enough to the makers of this video.

[billducas]

This is definitely the best definition of limerance I have ever heard. And it's worth watching several times so it will really soak in.

[TheHeadbanger]

I wish I knew how to handle limerence when I was younger. I would have severe depressive episodes when I girl I was "in love" with didn't feel the same way and it put me off dating for years. Now in my 30s I've FINALLY learned to stop obsessing over someone I barely know.

[Ana-rbws]

“Are you acting in a way that’s congruent with someone who respects themselves?” This is the million dollar question. People should ask themselves this question several times at the start of relationships if they’re prone to being limerent. And if the answer is no, they should set things right that restores their respect, or they should end the relationship, even though they really, really like them. This method is often a good way to counteract getting into situations one has no business being in.