How to Set Boundaries and Stop People Pleasing

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Part 2 of Tim's Boundaries and Complex Trauma series. How does Complex Trauma affect boundaries?

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[kingaberlakovich]

I was never allowed to say no to my mom. Not as a child, not as an adult, she made me feel guilty. When I felt frustrated because I had to do things I didn’t want, my mom said he felt so uncomfortable because I was nerves and frustrated.
Now I am a yes person, and I feel guilty when I say no.

[gwdavey]

This guy just explained my entire existence.

[ejf]

"If I get in a relationship with you, I lose me."
That's the story of my 18 years of dating.

[heladds]

I'm not sure how there's only 2k who watched this. This is some of the best lectures I've seen for complex trauma. Very good. Thank you for sharing. How can one begin to try to address this? I noticed this at 40 ... Plz help

[evapedersen]

Watching from Norway and I’m so grateful that I found this channel. I’m 50+ years of age and have finally found a solemn, wise and well-informed explanation to my inner shame and pain. I have been searching for answers and have found it through these lectures. I’m watching and learning, crying and healing. Thank you so much mr. Fletcher🙏

[LeslieHeartsIL]

I was the designated Scapegoat in my family. It went on for decades into my late adult life. I had to go No Contact with the entire lot of them because my Malignant Narcisist/Borderline mother, who was extremely violent when I was a child, trained the siblings to start attacking me in adulthood. She also poisoned family members and close friends against me. They NEVER change, they get worse with age.

[lorladupree]

I didn’t even know that I could have boundaries… I wasn’t allowed to have boundaries while I lived at home. My parents were ultra strict. It was their way or my brother and I were punished beyond measure. He’s an alcoholic and I am a workaholic, people pleaser. Today, I have a few boundaries which is an improvement over no boundaries

[annporter]

When you spoke about the brother hitting his sister - my brother terrorized me. He became DANGEROUS ! They never stopped him.

[Aisha_babii]

Wow he broke this down PERFECTLY! I never understood why I was so rebellious in my childhood up until now. My parents were never on the same page and both had a different set of boundaries for me but they weren’t cohesive with them. So I knew how to work around them!

[shelleepryor]

Were you living under my bed? Lol
My exact same experience BUT I healed. Where are you in your recovery? This man saved my life. Can you believe that I am certified to do the same thing and I am going to pay this forward.🙌🏽👑💜👑 #happy healing
#happy Friday

[MrFrostyBarz]

This is very powerful and painful at the same time.

[deborahhutchinson]

Mine too! This channel is life changing. I've had years of therapy which turned out to be an expensive bandaid. I also chose a career as a Paramedic which comes with its own special trauma. Can't stop listening.

[amberscottcmt]

I'm sure I've infringed on my kids boundaries at some point, probably without realizing it... But I am so grateful that the extreme boundary violations I had as a kid caused me to respect my kids boundaries as a general rule.

I've never gone exploring through their rooms or read their journals. I also never placed a drop of shame on sexuality, and explained what happened with circumcision and apologized if I got the decision wrong, letting them know I consulted the men in the family and they all unanimously said yes and offered to pay for it...

I also researched vaccination so in depth and saw so much foul play and corruption, that I didn't infringe on their right to decide for themselves, as they had way stronger immunity than most other kids...

I think I over shared some stuff though and it wasn't clear to me where the line was on that... And I had some sergeant mom moments, but I always considered the fragility of an external locus of control... That one day I wouldn't be there and it has to come from the inside.

I'm probably unaware of some harm I've caused, but I think the worst of it was the only two people I had willing to watch my twins so I could have some moments to decompress were narcissists. They damaged one of my boys really badly and I handed them over to these people cuz I had no idea how else to manage with them on my own.

My greatest regrets with my kids are the people I allowed them to be exposed to, and how ineffective I was at find them good role models...

Where I go easy on myself is that I was only 22 when I was assaulted and I had no professional help or real life support to single parent twins. I was alone with two infants who were the opposite gender, so there were loads of ways I had no idea what I was doing and the way I managed, all things considering with my CPTSD, from a young age, I did really good. Most wouldn't have the constitution to pull it off the way I did under the circumstances I faced.

Now I just gotta go help clean up the messes I was part of and as I heal me, help my kids see a path to healing for themselves and be there waiting to dive into every hurtful thing they need to tell me, so we can all be free and the day I have grand babies will be the start of the generation that broke free of multigenerational trauma.

Healthy me. Help my kids. Healthy grandkids. That's the plan...

Then show others how I did it. How many families can we help break free?

[Tuesdaywhitt]

This is a treasure full of info about boundaries, ❤

[trishellis]

Tim Fletcher. You are an angel. ❤Your wisdom and messages are so powerful. I am deeply grateful for these videos. Thank you so much. Deep gratitude! ❤❤❤

[davidnorman]

Thanks for this series I have no boundaries don't know what they look like

[awakeninganna]

This is the most helpful video I’ve ever watched you helped me to understand myself as a mom as a child as a wife and now I have tools to change thank you!!!

[Ngan.marianguyen]

My brain seems to know whats going on 100% of the time. The problem is i didnt believe it. And i got all the hurt/damage😢

[catastrophictabitha]

Great teaching - Christian sermon as well giving a practical solution to know how to set a boundary. Thank you

[cindybrown]

i absolutely hate my mother and havent seen ir spoken to her in years. peace and happiness