Boundaries for Beginners: How to Set and Keep Your Boundaries

Everyone needs healthy boundaries in their lives if they want to have healthy relationships. Setting boundaries is about more than just saying no - and when you learn how to set boundaries in a way that people will listen to and respect you will not only feel more free, but you will also start breaking the cycle of people pleasing and codependence.
_________

________

Join me for more teaching and inspiration on social:

#boundaries #cbtstrategies #codependence

[jeslord]

If people don't respect your boundaries, they don't respect you.
If they don't respect you, they don't deserve your time and energy.

[pegc]

I always thought that if I walked out of a room when someone was yelling at me or criticizing me, they'd accuse me of running away. But now I understand that it doesn't matter how it looks to them.

[pacoes]

As a therapist I think I will just have my clients watch this video when they have boundary issues. This is amazing.

[rebekahfowler]

I wish I had known about boundaries when I was young. I was people pleaser who didn't know who I was. Xx

[Just_Me]

At 51 years old, I'm going to put words to boundaries that I thought were just understood. And I'm going to do what's best for me if they are ignored.

[kevintaylor]

I had a girlfriend who used to lie to me. I told her I dont want to be with someone who lies to me. She said I was making too big of a deal about it. I said goodbye. Lol. Thanks. This was really good.

[brianlobo]

I've had family members not only come into the house unannounced but they bang and kick doors when we didn't answer the door. Boundaries are so important.

[SparksAdvice]

A boundary, in essence, is a checkpoint or a wall that does not let things in. And if you're smart about it, you build that wall just the right way so you keep the bad stuff out while still allowing the good stuff to come in.

[MeganMichelleTimeLapses]

I don’t struggle with setting boundaries, I struggle with setting them kindly

[katied]

It's one thing KNOWING how to set boundaries.... it's another thing completely BEING ABLE TO speak up and set those boundaries.... that's what i struggle with. I know what I should say and how i should say it.... but I'm not able to bring myself to actually say what needs to be said... so instead...i stay silent and try to tolerate the behaviour as best i can....i wish i could actually speak up without fear

[rokeishiarodgers]

This video resonated with me. I realized that the reason why i struggle to set boundaries is because i feel im not deserving and that i should say yes to people and be a "good person" my first step im going to take is to write down my boundaries and why they are important to me. I will also use the resource on multiple ways to say no.

[casuallycasualty]

omg that first part where she said “setting boudries is not about controlling people.” and even though i know this fact, i finally feel like i undestood it and it clicked. it is not selfish of me to ask you if it involves me. it is not about you or changing you at all. 😭😭👍🙏

[alexej]

I've never had boundaries before, and this weekend I realised something I just wanted to share here. I was starting to feel anxious at one point, and when I looked at it, or just felt it, I realised that it was my energy levels getting lower, getting closer to my own boundaries, and because I never even had boundaries before anxiety kicks in because my body doesn't trust that it's gonna be taken care of. And only then did I realise that I was in need of some time to recharge. I really want to let myself know that I am here now, that I will take care of myself and listen when I'm tired. (instead of getting angry or frustrated that I 'shouldn't feel tired so easily' or 'other people can handle more') That moment made me realise that it's more than just taking rest, it's rebuilding trust with myself and working through that old anxiety.

[recoverywithlee]

This is such a tough one, and it takes persistence and practice. Try setting reminders to yourself on the phone, through sticky notes, to stick to your intentions. Start the day with affirming that you deserve to be fair to yourself. Take notes and reflect when you gave in to the demands of others. Really take time to plan the approach and the practice. Good luck to us all!

[MauriceRivers]

Dead silence/non-reaction scares narcissists, haters, people who don't respect your boundaries, and people who are jealous/envious of you.

Jealousy can mean a lot of things: rumors, competition, lies. They look down on you. They don’t miss any detail of how you are dressed or how you act, etc. They are always hanging on what others are doing or saying. They are often critical and judgmental. They often reveal things to others. They never have enough of anything; they are never satisfied. They always believe that other people are more fortunate and get everything.

Often they are not creative. In fact, it is common for them to copy others. And they are happy when others fail. There will always be jealous people around you. You will come across them in your friend groups, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, and even in your family. Don’t let yourself be susceptible to this negativity, nor let it bring you down.

[cornelioencarnacion]

I only have to say one thing Julia. I am not the same person since I started following you and my life has changed and improved for the best! Thank you

[Mardi_Long]

My therapist suggested I listen to this. It is not that I do not already know these things. It is almost like I need confirmation that what I think I know is OK. And - yes - it is like getting "permission" to proceed. Thank you. This is me moving forward :).

[NFSMAN]

Setting boundaries keeps peace and your mental health at bay. It's good for us to maintain boundaries with others!

[patrickmorton]

Boundaries are important especially with family. Our mental health and energy should not be depleted for others. I find that saying let's not talk about this is helpful,
when conversations becomes uncomfortable. If that doesn't work I just leave. Mental health is more important than most people understand. Thank you for the tips on setting boundaries.

[jimrich]

In 12 step therapy, I learned all about healthy self Esteem, boundaries & how to say NO and yet, fear & early conditioning has caused me to shrink right back into many of my unhealthy old patterns, so thank you for posting this video. ❤