How Do I Set Boundaries with People?

Boundaries are limits we place on our relationships about what behavior we will and won’t accept from other people. We can have emotional or physical boundaries. Emotional ones would be things like, how you will allow someone to talk to you, or how much energy we are willing to put into a relationship and physical ones have to do with how close we allow people. Thinking about these types of boundaries and what’s best for us is important, but I know the hardest part is actually putting them into words and sticking to them, and that’s why today I want to role play what it’s like to set up healthy boundaries and how we can uphold them when someone gets defensive or mad about it. The example I want to use is when someone speaks to us in a hurtful or condescending way. How do we tell them that’s not okay, and not allow for that behavior to happen to us again.

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy

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[DrJonTam]

Super important to enforce boundaries because if you won’t, no one will.

[MariEnid]

Your very own mental peace doesn’t have a price. Setting boundaries helps to protect your own peace of mind. ✌🏼

[OdinOfficialEmcee]

The hardest part about setting boundries is setting them with people who previously walked all over you and now they get super pissed to the point of having full blown melt down tantrums (yes I am speaking of other adults) when you speak up for yourself and express that you expect to be treated better

[lifeinarizona]

I'm in my mid-50s and have never, not once, ever had a person react well to a boundary--in fact, it's always 100% been the end of the relationship from the moment I set the boundary. It's still a good idea to stick to the boundary and let the other person react as they choose but nowadays I'm always aware that most likely, my setting a boundary is going to result in the end of a relationship which has always, 100%, every single time without exception, been the best possible outcome for all concerned.

[larag]

I grew up in a family where boundaries either weren't set or applied consistently so I didn't learn how to do so until I started therapy in my mid 30s. Now, not til my 50s do I enforce them - i have whittled away those who consistently disregarded my boundaries. It took awful impacts on my physical, emotional, mental health to make me realise I had to do so. My MIL is toxic and I haven't spoken to her since 2017. Stay safe and best wishes from Australia xx

[admirbarucija]

Setting boundaries is so crucial even though it’s hard sometimes, I definitely need to work on it more!

[amylynn]

I struggle huge in this area, I tend to people please and give in to what others want from me instead of setting healthy boundaries and standing up for myself (in a kind and healthy way of course). I have a long term boyfriend and two daughters I really struggle with setting boundaries with, but as slow as the progress I’m making in this area is I’m finding that’s okay. Uugh it’s rough having such a hard time speaking up🙈 but I am empowered to know it’s okay to and I can! Thanks Kati!!

[haisesasaki]

It’s so hard especially if you have a narcissistic parent. Thanks Kati ❤️

[killertruth]

It is best to be clear from the start and being honest about it. Also being serious. Even if it would hurt others. But it is ok, because they are having a hard time to adjust to the new boundaries. If they constantly ignore the boundaries, don't feel bad for the person. It was their choice to ignore.

[corinnecourchaine]

My fave vids you do is always about boundaries. I regularly block people that don't have any boundaries and try to to be pushy to get me to let go of mine...not a chance! I also learned that I cant be friends with people who have no boundaries because they are always playing the victim. You're vids have helped me so much while I have been struggling with drug addict prostitute roommates.

[tessbuscher]

I have been struggling with this for ages. Recently I have tried to stand up for myself a lot more and actually even "broke up" with some friends who never bothered to check up on me unless they needed something. Hardest thing ever but so worth it.

[timechai]

This was actually really helpful and if nothing else, it helps me to reaffirm how important my boundaries are and that I deserve to have & defend them. Thanks Katie! ☺️

[KimPosteryournewpenpal]

This is what I've been trying to learn this week. Setting and accepting boundaries. As someone with Bpd my relationships are super chaotic with out them in place 😶

[CaylynAdamko]

The role playing example of setting boundaries was an excellent example of not only setting but maintaining boundaries. Sometimes I get frustrated when I set a boundary and it's not respected, but just like this video, it's the consistency in maintaining those boundaries and expressing how you want to be treated and what's not okay is what helps with strong boundaries. I'm definitely still learning maintenance, but it does make a huge difference.

[EmilyB]

Thank you for this video Kati! I’m going to stick to my boundaries as best I can. Having this example was really helpful and gave me confidence in approaching the conversation. Take care and all the best to you, you’re a lovely person!

[AP-exqz]

These role play scenarios are really really good Kati. Really looking forward to see more. It felt very practical. Thank you :) ❤️

[kayleighdittemore]

you have no idea how much this vid helps

[meghanjohnson]

The conversation with yourself was a flashback to my marriage (now non-existing for good reasons). It did get to the point where it was just too stressful to put up boundaries. Now I am in a better place emotionally, physically, and mentally….and working on self-care. Thank you for your videos! Love them! Also, am I losing it, or do I remember you saying you had a journal in the merch section? I didn’t see one.

[evren]

I needed this today. I’ve been having a hard time setting boundaries with my dad

[anabelleclark]

Things like this is hard for me, bc I shut down. The only way I can speak through myself shutting down and stand up for myself that I've learned is to be as blunt and matter-of-fact as possible, bc then I can separate my emotions of fear/hurt/etc from the way I want to express myself & my boundaries. Sadly, that makes me really bad at conflict diffusion when it's directed towards me, and I've developed the bad habit of simply 'ghosting' my problems. Lately I've been trying to work on that, and I've found that occupying my mind with some other menial task(distracting myself), not making eye contact, and things like that allow me to still speak my mind without giving in and agreeing to please automatically. It isn't ideal, but it's better than having people around me that are willing to work things out not be able to because they don't even know that something has hurt me, and me only bottling up that hurt and damaging a relationship that doesn't need to be. I don't think I'm at the place of responding as calmly and collected as this, but I do think I'm on my way. ☺️💖