How to Set Boundaries & Stop People Pleasing

Learn to set boundaries, stop people pleasing, and have healthier relationships with others and yourself 💞This video was so fun to make. If you liked it, please share! Open for timestamps 👇

❍ what are boundaries? - 0:40
❍ how we're abandoning ourselves - 1:36
❍ how to set boundaries - 2:30
❍ self awareness - 2:35
❍ communicate your desires/needs - 3:14
❍ how to communicate - 4:05
❍ you are not responsible for others' feelings - 5:05
❍ stop trying to force harmony - 6:12
❍ how to say no - 6:48
❍ self love - 7:51
❍ a healthier process for relationships & building trust - 8:52

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// ABOUT

I’m Aileen, a lifestyle blogger sharing knowledge and inspiration on creating your dream life.

Lavendaire is my blog about personal growth + lifestyle design. Follow along and learn how you can create a life you love.

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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.

[Jade-wbfd]

Every time I’ve set boundaries with a “friend” I lost a “friend” but looking back they weren’t real friends anyways

[ErikaK]

*Saying NO is saying YES to yourself ♡ saying NO is healthy, is respecting yourself and putting your best interests first. You are not being selfish or rude, you are loving yourself!!!!*

[ZenEscape.]

I'm an empath, and it feels overwhelming to set boundaries. I am so used to prioritizing others, but it depletes my energy. I'm working to be more assertive, because it is self-care to have healthy boundaries.

[remi_brancs]

Living in an African household, every time I say no, my parents and sister would always say I’m being rude or disrespectful. Currently unlearning this

[kandaceboo]

Everyone repeat after me: boundaries protect relationships

BOUNDARIES. PROTECT. RELATIONSHIPS.

[VannaMae]

This should be taught in school honestly.

[rebeccawells]

People wonder why I am SO big on setting boundaries. You know why? Because past experiences with being a push over and being abused has made me realize that boundaries ARE important. I was tired of being pushed around. I was tired of abuse. Ever since I have laid out boundaries, everything has been bliss for me.

[sopheakem]

I'm not responsible for other people's feelings.
I also learn to not let other people's problem become my problem.
I love this video!

[ossen]

Boundaries is not about being rude, it's about acknowledging that your wellbeing comes first in your priority list.
When you feel good, everything around you will be affected in a positive way.

[MotiveVideoBook]

“Say no with grace and gratitude” This advice was really awesome.

[Kaorinote]

Growing up in Japan, pleasing people is something that determines if you are grown-up or not. And it took so much time for me to realize that pleasing people is not what I wanted in my life. Thank you so much for such a inspiring video 😍😍😍

[loveme]

“It is okay to say no without any reason”. This quote really resonated with me because a few weeks ago, I backed out of doing something solely for the reasons of I was tired and didn’t feel like doing it in that moment. Afterwards, I felt so lazy and guilty because I didn’t have a “good enough” reason. This line helped me see that I did have a good enough reason, so thank you. ❤️

[kajalswarup]

"You're trying to shield everyone else from pain when you are the one

[daringliving]

Boundaries are so important! Instead of thinking saying "no" is mean and selfish, we can think that if we agree to something we don't want to do - we're actually being "fake" and trying to trick others into liking us. And THAT is selfish.

[AM-xeiq]

An aspect of this that wasn’t mentioned is that, your circle is going to start getting smaller when you start setting and enforcing real boundaries. People will start dropping out of your life and that’s going to feel bad at first. It’s going to get a little lonely. People that don’t respect boundaries might just stop being so present with you. So be prepared for that. People will guilt trip you, insult you, attack your personhood etc. when they hear the word “No” and they may just disappear. Look at it as a chance to open up your life and your world into the direction you want to go in and free up space for healthier relationships.

[SohamBasak]

I am the one who is always trying to find the balance of giving time to each of my friends and specially when they are not in good terms with each other and I am just doing stuff to make everyone happy and come together and it's so exhausting. I am so so so done!!

[SaintOrCinema]

Just a slight caveat about the “other people’s feelings are not your responsibility”. I think some very blunt people do use this as an excuse to say things that they want to get off their chest though they know they’re hurtful and tactless. I think the key and compassionate balance is to speak honestly, but with the intention of being kind and considerate of people’s feelings. That way, if someone does react badly it was not your intention, but you don’t have to feel guilty. I just think we actually do have SOME responsibility to be careful with the feelings of others; but our greatest responsibility is to ourself - you’re right 🌸 It’s just I’ve heard this reasoning misused before!! X

[kathrynkjulian]

I feel like this was speaking directly to me. I grew up with a mentally unhealthy parent which made me always feel responsible for other people’s feelings and that if they were unhappy it was because of me. Boundaries are a new thing I’m working on but I’ve realized just how much of myself I’ve let go or not allowed to grow because I was using my energy on others. Thank you for this message!

[bettikaro]

"You are trying to shield everybody else from pain, when you are the one hurting." I felt that one very hard and i look forward to watch your advice video for people pleasers right after i finished this one. And later on i will write those points into my notebook. I have to remember it all and reread and rewatch this too

[phobianxietya]

something worth mentioning(even tho is "obvious") is - learning to walk away when someone does not respect our boundries.
people pleasers might be able to learn how to say no(i did), but the next step is leaving when someone crosses our bondries once/twice and thats it.