5 Signs You Need Stronger Boundaries

Do you constantly say yes to everyone, even when it drains your energy? Do you hold back your opinions to avoid conflict? If so, you might be struggling with weak boundaries. This video explores 5 signs you need stronger boundaries and offers practical tips on how to set them.

WANT TO START IN THERAPY? Here’s a convenient and affordable option with my sponsor BetterHelp

For a monthly fee, you get a REAL licensed therapist with whom you can meet weekly by phone, video or chat. You can also send daily messages.

Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

[kitkatcheung]

Saying no is the kindest thing you can do! Allows the other person the strength to figure it out themselves.

[aeamrn]

I am learning to identify the differences between people pleasing behavior and the authentic me who genuinely cares about people.

[genevieveflores]

When I finally learned how to have boundaries and discovered I was allowed to say no is when I realized who the narcissists in my life were. I never knew my relationship with them was dependent on the fact that I was a people pleaser aka lacked boundaries.

[deweesegilyard]

This is such a cultural issue in the African American community. Thank you, Dr. Marks.

[Star-djkw]

Agreeing to help with a task even when you feel overloaded: describes my whole experience as a young woman in small churches, even when I had small children. I loved the people but I couldn’t say no

[oraora]

Yup. Grew up hearing that whenever I disagreed or said no I was suddenly an extremely difficult person 😂

[jessekane]

That bit about not being able to rest when you say no TO rest is awesome. I think that’s the trick with all of this self respect and care stuff; we have an internal dialogue that makes it too much work to stand up for ourselves.

Step one is saying no,
Step two is challenging the internal narrative.

[christinebeames]

I had a neighbour, who for years, every planting time in spring would ask for advice and get me to “ show” her how to plant them, I always ended up doing the job for her as she acted so helpless, the I saw through the act and just said “ go to the garden center and see what they suggest “ looking back I had helped her many times when she was perfectly capable of doing it herself . We have to value our time

[rhythmandblues_alibi]

1) overcommitting or people pleasing.
2) feeling responsible for the emotions of others.
3) being unable to express your personal needs or opinions - common if you are conflict avoidant.
4) feeling guilty when prioritising yourself.
5) oversharing personal information with inappropriate/unsafe people.

[sheaballard]

Number two is a BIG one for me. I react with dread whenever someone seems the slightest bit upset with me.

[solidus]

Over sharing personal details really hit home for me. One thing I noticed early in my career is that once I came out as gay, I was forever and always pigeonholed as "the gay bestie" when in reality, that mould didn't fit me. I spent too much time listening to women dump their relationship baggage on me and dragging me out to gay bars when i didn't enjoy drinking, to name a few.

It took me a while to learn, I am allowed to keep my personal life private, especially in situations where revealing this information gives people an inaccurate or unflattering perception of me. This is all too common with mental illness as well.

[meatpopsicle_]

This used to be about me.

What scared me about saying "No" is a possibility of being alienated or even meet hostility as a result (I had a controlling mother when I was a kid who'd burst into anger if I refused her).

How did I get over it? I realized I don't need other people's validation to see myself as a decent person. It was my inferiority complex talking (they are better, I'm worse, so I depend on what they think of me). In reality they're not superior to me, we're on the same level, so their approval or disapproval means shit. Most of them don't really care about me anyway. Some are even straight up assholes. So fuck them and what they think. My mental health and comfort are more important than some bunch of strangers.

[danieldhardman]

I learned about setung boundaries late in life, in my late 40s, and have been doing very well maintaining them. It is challenging at times bc I'm an introvert who is very conflict-avoidant. But I understand the importance of holding my boundaries so I have learned how to confront people and problems in a healthy way. This video helps me see that I'm doing it right and I feel good after arching it. Thanx Dr. Marks.

[derekmahon]

The first people to complain about your stronger boundaries are the ones who previously trampled over them

[timhuffmaster]

Saying “No”, is an answer that requires no explanation.

[designbylake]

Not wanting to cause disappointment for others, is huge for me! I’ve said yes to stuff my spirit was screaming no towards just because of this !! 😮

I feel relieved to hear this though!

[Shortkonner]

My emotional piggy bank is empty.
I get burnt out.
I'm working on boundaries w/ my therapist.
Ugh i am struggling.
Been given homework for "crying times"

[ebmage]

This is right on time. My mom has always been someone who acts helpless and I have been letting her walk all over me. There is always an excuse why i need to sacrifice my time and energy to her, but Im so over it.

[noidreculse]

It feels great to say no, and yes selectively. Once you say no, you can’t cave in. Be careful what you agree to

[Chris_Davis_music]

In the gig economy (im a musician) it's dangerously toxic to say yes - because it's easily justified as a means to not miss opportunities. The latge amount of lost work by turning someone down once is palpable. I dont know how to overcome it. It's not from fear of disappointing people, but fear of losing income.