Understanding Trauma - Part 6 - Adaptations and Soul Murder

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Complex Trauma - when a child is in an ongoing environment of danger or where their needs are not met - requires the child to adapt. They hope it will result in safety and getting their needs met. But what happens if it doesn't? They must then shut down (murder) parts of themselves in order to survive physically. Tim talks about 11 things a child may need to shut down in order to survive.

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[BanjoPixelSnack]

“Anger is our friend. Not a nice friend. Not a gentle friend. But a very, very loyal friend. It will always tell us when we have betrayed ourselves. It will always tell us when it is time to act in our own best interests.”
- Julia Cameron.

[Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

I became a super people-pleaser. An expert at regulating others' emotions and creating peace and finding solutions for others. To accomplish this I had to always say No to myself and my needs and always say yes to others. I became no one. I ceased to exist. I was only a tool to make others feel good about themselves. I was not allowed to have boundaries but was expected to respect others' boundaries.
I woke up at 52 and learn to get to know myself for the first time. It is scary to start setting boundaries because I've been taught that if I upset anyone my life is in danger and I will be ostracized. But I'm an adult now. I will survive even if people leave.

[lioness]

Anger is your soul screaming that you need to wake up and see the wrongs that are being forced upon you.

[matthewdietzen]

"Shutting the gut down..." Yeah, that is VERY relatable. My whole childhood was a minefield of "this feels wrong, but what choice do I have?" I felt like a POW....

[BenOnuMuDiyorum]

"Soul Murder" I've never seen much accurate and drastic way of saying it

[weaviejeebies]

The sheer magnitude of what we suffered, and continue to suffer, is staggering.

[alanmo]

I had my soul lowkey murdered under the guise of “everything will be ok just do what your told by authority” one day when you realize that adults never had their shit together, it hurts a lot

[tonya]

I was terrified daily as a child. Always so scared. It made me get sick all the time and lowered my immune system.
I remember the moment I turned off my heart because I couldn’t take it anymore. I never figured out how to turn it back on. I’m 41 and still can’t feel anything.

[MaKEVelli]

It's scary how your parents can be your worst enemy and that's an under statement!!

[karenr]

I remember as a teenager realizing my mom was trying kill my spirit 😢 so I became out of control and angry in order to save my soul. The survival mode has been a destructive force since 😢

[amberXie-tlee]

This is something a healthily raised person could never ever understand. This is a lonely healing life-long journey. Telling people about the real life we went through only brings more hurt to oneself.

[davidnorman]

In adulthood, your physical body is 47 years old yet your emotional body is operating at the 8 year old developmental level. Especially when you needed to focus on staying alive compared to developing

[HarmonySoldier-mgsw]

My mum did this deliberately and intentionally. I’m beginning to see that she got off on it, enjoyed it and took pleasure out if it.

I have no words.

[nicholassmith]

I suppose im a lost child. Im 42 sitting in my house after being laid off with no friends in the world or any family left watching a video reminding me of my childhood. IDK

[susanmercurio]

I felt when I was a child that my mother was trying to destroy my spirit. She had been gaslighting me for as long as I can remember.
You don't know what a vacancy you carry in your heart when you know that your mother doesn't want you or love you. I'm 77 and I still have that loss in my heart. I will never get over it.
But I don't agree that the child always assumes that it's their fault. I always knew that it wasn't me. There was something wrong with her.
I didn't murder my soul. I fought back. Now I've had several psychologists tell me that I'm miraculously sane for what my parents gave me to work with.

[Narsufin]

52 minutes and 13 seconds of nodding and saying "Yep, that too..." and realising at the end that I'm not upset by any of it because I'm dead inside.

[Weeflowerofscotland]

I grew up with an alcoholic father with fear based ‘discipline’, he was in the navy and he treated my brother and me like cadets more than his children. My mother was codependent and I’m sure lived in fear also, however she always backed my dad up . The day he broke my soul is burned in my memory. I was 11 and after he had a very drunken fight with my uncle he decided he was leaving . I started crying and telling him “ please don’t leave, I love you “ he turned around with pure coldness in his eyes and told me “ well, I don’t love you “ . I still remember feeling like I was punched in the gut. I’m now 48 and I’m now just beginning to believe I am worthy of love. I cannot thank you enough for these videos. I feel hopeful for a better future now ❤

[fabriciowagner]

This dude fell from heaven bringing the post-mortem psychology to us here

[LordMondegrene]

Mom said I was a good baby because I never cried.
I never cried because I learned nobody would help me, so crying was useless. I became anemic from internal bleeding, but I when I told my dad, he said my bloody bowel movements were nothing to worry about.
He was a doctor.

[karumina]

This is the worst part of socialization. You cut bits of yourself off little by little, you shrink more and more, and one day you discover you're just an empty shell. This is cruel and scary process that should not be normalized. You get to live at peace and people leave you be, but at what price? This is not what life is about...