Understanding Trauma - Part 13 - Betrayal Trauma

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One cannot fully understand Complex Trauma unless they understand that it contain Betrayal Trauma. This adds to the painfulness of Complex Trauma. Tim helps us understand Betrayal Trauma and its far-reaching ramifications.

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Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:35 What is Betrayal Trauma?
04:43 5 Types of Betrayal Trauma
10:00 Examples of Betrayal Trauma from Complex Trauma
16:23 Why does Betrayal Trauma hurt so much?
20:28 Ways a child responds to betrayal
25:00 Emotional symptoms
29:15 Cognitive symptoms
32:20 Physical symptoms
33:45 Behavioural symptoms
35:45 Relationship symptoms
38:36 Sexual symptoms
40:15 Spiritual symptoms
41:00 Healing from Betrayal Trauma

[TimFletcher]

💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.

[SukiStackhouse]

Self isolation solved all my problems. I sleep like a baby knowing nobody can stab me in the back again. I physically moved away from those who betrayed me, i went from being homless and penniless after being discarded by my mother as a teenage girl, raped, abused, to living in my dream home that ive turned into a self-love sanctuary. I used to think i was worthless, now i love myself, something i thought was impossible. This is my safe space. God saved me. It was terrifying at first, being totally alone, no family, no one to call in an emergency etc i cried for months on end. I thought about ending it all many times. But keep putting one foot in front of the other.. and suddenly you will be running. Over time ive empowered myself more and more that i dont need anyone anymore. Still working on the trust issues, its a journey. But embrace the struggle, believe in yourself, you will come out the other side an even better person than you thought possible. Create your own safe space if you dont have one already. And remember, things dont happen to you, they happen for you. Welcome the challenges and learn from them. Turn your lessons into blessings.

[sararichardson]

I’m coming to terms with how disappointing people can be. I keep to myself most of the time.

[GLeon-ovyu]

I was severely betrayed by my immediate and extended family over a life time. After intensive professional therapy and 100s of CODA Meetings I completely disengaged from ALL of them - at the age of 52. I am 55 now and and thankful that i finally let them all go and stopped waiting for good relationships with toxic vacant people.

[garrettmeadows]

I'm 64 and from my earliest memories, no adults around me kept their promises or word. Like many adults, they thought "Oh, he's just a kid. He'll get over it. No big deal. So what. " Yes, it was a BIG DEAL! Adults didn't care about my disappointments or hurts. They totally discounted that a child could have real feelings.

[isabellekeyzer]

trusted people that push you to forgive reinforce the feeling of betrayal because they invalidate your experience

[Dg-ummz]

I’ve been watching Tim’s videos for a couple of months now. They are addicting because of their effectiveness. The delivery of his message is spot on. His education is the best I’ve ever seen. He was created for this. These videos are a long-awaited gift I’ve been seeking. I have a strong dislike for writing comments but I know this is how you spread the word.

[lindajennings]

Wow. This explains everything. I was raised in a family where betrayal was non stop. Then of course, this became my life. Going to have a good cry now.❤

So today I decide to start being gentle with myself. I check almost all the boxes of different betrayals, both as child and adult. The last betrayal got me into a spin of anxiety, swetting, insomnia, confusion etc. And I have been judging myself for not being able to pull myself up. Thank you, this is so validating, that I'm not overreacting ❤

[sarahalderman]

I was diagnosed with cptsd at 19 following being raped and molested as a little girl from 4 until 9, then manipulated/groomed at 12 by my 40 year old bil. After that I worked very hard to repair myself. I tried therapy but it did not help and in fact one of the therapists was actually inappropriate and that ended my attempts at therapy. At 21 I married my husband and for the first few years I thought everything had finally fallen into place. Then he cheated and proceeded to lie for the following 15 years. I learned about it a month before our 22nd anniversary. It’s been a year since and I am only now beginning to even come out of this absolute nightmare of thoughts. I am so tired of “working” at everything.

[lizmandelaine]

My mother, the strongest person I’ve ever known, died young from effects of having to internalize every feeling that resulted from repeated betrayal from those she trusted and needed.

[KendrasBrain]

This was very enlightening. I have a variety of symptoms from many different types of betrayal. I didn't know why I had isolated myself. I wasn't conscious that I quit taking care of myself in my diet or hygiene. I hadn't recognized that I felt like I didn't trust anybody. I didn't label not wanting to be hugged. It makes sense now. Thank you for being so thorough

[Kristen]

I relate with everything in this video. It really is a lifelong quest to heal from betrayal trauma when it comes from your parents. I wish I had a therapist like you. You get it.

[mikarose]

I was betrayed by my sister who is 10 years older. She was was 24 at the time I was 14. She coaxed a deep secret out of me promising it was just between us. I was writhing in shame and desperate to talk. I confided in her thinking I and my secret were safe. She turned around and blabbed it to everyone, people in the family, people outside the family. I found out they put her up to it because they knew I would tell her. I was utterly and totally devastated and humiliated to the core. I am about to turn 64 now and my heart is still racing as I write this. I’ve never really truly gotten over it.

[theoracle]

These people didn't let me down, they flat out screwed me over.

[ingridwright]

Thank you for naming the issue of betrayal and for calling it out, I'm so grateful for your bringing awareness and helping me to understand the effects in my life

[elwyberge]

I like the format! You talk about the issue without dramatic music or visual illustrations. If you listen to this, you're likely traumatised and need no extra stuff. Your calm, knowledgeable, and empathis reasoning and explaining are very helpful contributions to this research field and a beautiful gift to all of us suffering. Thank you🙏❤️‍🔥 from a Swedish listener👋

[yiravarga]

Not being believed is a serious betrayal, with intense consequences throughout life. We need to validate beliefs before we challenge them, deny them, reason with them, or mis-interpret them.

[debbietodd]

Thank you once again. I have suffered betrayal trauma many times at the hands of many different people. The pain dulls a little but never goes away. I have a strong need to be around other humans but only on a casual basis, so basically chatting with people I don't know. I can't see myself EVER in an intimate relationship again, too many skeletons in the closet. Too much for someone else to deal with.

[coda]

Very thorough & thoughtful Tim. I’m 4 years out of a 20 year marriage that was one betrayal after another. I’m often shocked how long it’s taking me to find normalcy again.