Do Avoidants Care If You Leave?

Today we’re going to talk about if avoidants care if you leave.

This is actually a difficult question to answer because there’s not a specific pass/fail or yes/no response to it.

Here’s the best I can come up with.

At first an avoidant will go through this period of separation elation and often won’t feel your loss until they perceive that you have moved on. At that point they start to reminisce and could potentially start caring if you leave.

I think it’s important to kind of take into account the entire scope of what’s going on with avoidants when you go through a breakup with them.

So, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to answer the following questions.

Understanding The Death Wheel Prison Most Avoidants Are Trapped In Gives You Insight Into When They Start Caring
Pinpointing Exactly When The Avoidant Will Care
Looking At The Major Signs An Avoidant Exhibit When They Are Affected By Your Loss?
Alrighty!

Let’s get started.

[Candlelight]

Avoidants are immature time wasters. No accountability, no emotional maturity, and conflict resolution skills of a 4yo. Prove me wrong...

[northshorelight]

Even if they suddenly care when you leave, it’s coming from a very selfish place. It doesn’t mean that they really want to be with you and have learned the error of their ways. They will use you (love bomb) to rekindle that limerence stage, and the cycle repeats where they discard again.

[samsunggalaxytaba]

if they start caring when you move on its like they never cared in the first place.. there is no difference.. ignore them.. they are not worth your effort.

[foodandmurder]

My DA reached out twice during our two break ups, after about 7- 9 months. He reached out they can’t help themselves. It’s always indirectly at first and then they make it more obvious they fear rejection. They’re miserable and they can’t stand the thought of you being happy without them or someone else making you happy.

It’s like they have a mentally of I don’t want you in my life but I also don’t want you to have another man in your life.

[blackwidow]

Agree 100% . During an hour long conversation, DA opened up and talked about his feelings, family, health issues, etc. I probably spoke 4 or 5 sentences the whole time, as he was on a roll, and I wasn't going to stop him. I was secretly excited, thinking he was finally opening up and trusting me. It was short lived. I haven't from him since that time ( a month now). He triggered himself!

[MD-gkun]

They don't even notice you broke up with them bc they don't call or text

[caitlinspokes]

You may not all want to hear this, but sometimes...within this process of trying to understand and hoping they come back (which is a part of trying to understand and moreover exonerate yourself) you sometimes reach a point where you think 'i don't want this person who basically doesn't like me!' You then start to think 'I don't like them and I'm no longer even interested in their pain and what makes them tick'.
I think Chris knows this too and he's pretty open about the fact that most of 'us' here won't achieve what we first set out to. But Chris is pretty good at explaining avoidants - I feel that this is his real unique take on relationship failures.

Thank you for helping. And thank you for helping some of us step off the avoidant death wheel to find clarity and fulfilment elsewhere.

[mjc]

You get to a point where the juice ain’t worth the squeeze brutal people to be in a relationship with

[Helptosave-ucpc]

In All healthy relationships there will be disagreements which subsequently require conflict resolution. If they are scared of conflict and want to avoid it all then it’ll never work… hence the break up.🤷🏽‍♀️

[Mermaid_]

A DA reached out to me after the last time he ghosted for 8 weeks. He got triggered and ghosted again. Been about 8 weeks. He’s blocked so I don’t expect to hear from him this time. That’s fine.

[Mari-lvrd]

the avoidant i knew was hot and cold. i became so tired of it that i moved and changed my number. he asked all around and no one told him anything. i heard one year later that he got married! and now he is no longer my problem

I've been ghosted 5 weeks now by a girl I loved but gave lots of space to. The pain is immeasurable. Simply horrible. 5 weeks in now, and I've gone from despair to acceptance to dating two other replacements. The new girls I've met have reopened my eyes to what normal people are like. Now I can honestly say, I hope she reaches out so I can demonstrate back to her what ghosting feels like. I wouldn't take her back for all the rice in her native South Korea. My love has evolved into anger at how ruthlessly cruel ghosters are. Never ever again baby.

[remic]

In my eyes Avoidants are LITTLE NARCISSISTS! Take care folks. 🫶🏻

[johnkarl]

My DA partner of 20 years was definitely a covert narcissist as well. Your death wheel is so true in my experience.
If there's no genuine Communication or shared ability to self reflect, accept your issues and be accountable there's really NO HOPE. Nobody is responsible to Parent another person or be a dumpster for their unhealed self.
Mine constantly pushed me away and devalued me. I went through therapy as I ended up so depressed, anxious and feeling worthless and alone. Every time I tried to work on our relationship she totally ignored my thoughts, needs and feelings saying " I don't understand you what?? Don't understand plain English spoken and written!!? Sorry but I'm out of it ! I broke off contact 3 months ago. I will never return to that crazy making world of a DA . Now I'm focusing on rebuilding my shattered sense of self .I'm volunteering in community mental health care after going through training courses and I'm enjoying a new life, meeting new people and it's so satisfying working with people who actually want to work on living a fuller life by addressing their emotional / mental health problems. The sickest people are those who say there's nothing wrong with me, it's always someone else's problem.

[mrunalpatilbds]

Avoidant is just someone who not interested in you not think you are worthy
An one avoidant to you but anxious for someone other
It's better to have self respect and move on

[negativeone]

We were getting along brilliantly well before this

[SintherX]

Yeah, because we are all born to cater for avoidants core wounds and when they start to care.

[Bubba]

Classic us. We just split for about 12th time in 2 years…. HELLO. I’m the anxious and she’s the dismissive. I always chase but now I’m finally hurt too much.
I’ve given everything, emotionally, time and money and support. I asked 1 thing…. There was zero trust back.
I’m lonely, low, hurt, angry but walking onwards. There is someone wonderful out there that deserves me and a simple loving both committed relationship z

[Pearlangeldream]

Actually they are not worth it, if they give the bare minimum to contact. I remember received that from ex guys before. They just lightly WZ text 1 emoji or 1 single word or line. That's show how lame they are & alrdy when not speaking to me when in relationship, I made all the effort. So better as a woman, find an anxious guy also back. The avoidant will never marry u, if even marry u, will be ambivalent & avoid u in marriage, cos is the same relationship. He will do bare minimum in marriage. So for ur sake of happiness. Just fck them back up & block them. Level up as woman & get a man anxiously in love with u & demand ur love instead.

[gabordudas]

One of the Best Chris Seiter video. Thx.