The Big Secret About Avoidants

The big secret about avoidants. Someone with an avoidant attachment style is very likely to hide their issues in the early stages of a relationship. If you are not fully aware of attachment styles, you are likely to find yourself attached to one, and before you know it, they pull away or break up with you.

[CoachCraigKenneth]

The Creative Healing Course will absolutely help you change your life! You’ll love how much it will transform you and help build confidence!

[bunniewood]

Dating an avoidant was the worst experience of my life. I’m in a healthy relationship now never looking back.

[kimtaro]

So true! Thinking someone is secure, then getting hit with the hot and cold and eventual ghost pattern of an FA is really tough.

[bcarder]

This is so resonant. I've been studying attachment for years thanks to my relationship w my ex. He seemed so secure when we met and I felt like a hot mess. I know now that his avoidance was triggering my anxiousness. He's actually super smart and is an LPC 😬 After almost 5 years I have earned (boy I've earned it) a secure attachment and unfortunately he is still avoidant. Possibly narcissistic. The breaking point was when my son died and he still couldn't show up emotionally. I feel my son gave me the gift of finally seeing that it's okay that I want and need more. 💖 Thank you. 🙏

[sacey]

Like you guys said, “ You never fought or argued” and they still self Sabotage the relationship and break it off. Avoidants are interesting….

[MetsFan]

I’m an avoidant and was still shutting down until my ex gf left. I am now working on it, working on fixing my relationship with my parents and finally stood up to my ex wife (child’s mom). I still love my ex gf and want to fix it but i might have to fix myself first.

[Ken-odgc]

They want to take care thngs themselves. Awesome! Leave them alone. Give your love to someone that wants and deserves it and will reciprocate.

[daniyalbaqai]

The lessons you get from an avoidant is totally worth it

[nc]

I was so confused by my relationship, my ex was adamant he was secure but couldn't be vulnerable about his emotions in the present. He started feeding doubt and comparing our relationship to his past ones, and gave mixed messages whilst being distant, this triggered my anxiety but I gave him the space he asked for - he then walked away telling me the relationship had wound down, leaving me so confused as to what happened. Atleast I had the awareness to tell him he had a vulnerability block and had essentially sabotaged the relationship, still hurts to get attached - especially when you do everything to show up secure - talk about feelings and fears etc. I'm proud that I showed up as authentically me just frustrated that I ended up with an avoidant.

He came across as so secure and certain of himself and our relationship but it did feel like he has one foot out of the relationship just in case. Without pouring in and being vulnerable, the intimacy can't grow.

[jamsam]

My friend is a Russian immigrant. Moved to the US in HS. He’s a classic avoidant. Victoria makes an excellent point about first-gens not wanting to be burden on their parents and being extremely self-reliant. He has a heart of gold, however it’s taken a lot of patience and understanding to navigate a relationship with him due to his avoidant and my anxious tendencies. Totally worth it, though. He’s a great human being.

[ayand.]

Wow. It’s so crazy you said the refugee camp story. I’m a Somali American female who literally became a fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment style at the age of 9. I was ALWAYS told: Ayan can handle it all. My whole life have been helping others. My level of empathy is a little too high I think, I feel too much what others are feeling and im always trying to help. And then, I married a man who is also an FA, and the beginning is fireworks until reality hits.
And then you realize, wow, we have so much emotional growth to do, because this whole attachment styles and emotional intelligence is news to me until 2022, after COVID. I believe COVID brought so many emotions into the surface for us to either dwell on them or become securely attached people. ❤

[shawn.champagne]

Wow. I see myself with almost all of the avoidant traits mentioned. I did in fact grow up with an emotionally distant family and I quickly learned to become very independent and I very much have a “I can fix this myself” or “It’s my own problem to deal with” mentality. I believe this is a big part as to why my last relationship failed. Although I may appear to be rather stable on the outside I often have a hard time opening up about even some of the most mundane things that may bother me. I do however love having long conversations and I don’t actively avoid relationships. In fact, I love having a partner in my life. It’s been a year since my breakup and the pain still lingers, and it took a while for it to hit me. I really hope I can learn to be more vulnerable.

[mhillify]

This is painfully true...I thought my ex was so well adjusted to all the crazy childhood stuff she told me about. Ended up I just needed to wait a little longer to see it all come out. She did a great job hiding and pretending she was secure. This is why we ease into serious relationships instead of rushing in. I still got a bit attached, but lucky, because it could have been worse if I'd have just blindly jumped in.

[mdmcpherson]

My experience was with a First gen DA. I had to know my value and worth and walk away, I felt so unwanted

[anniemarie]

And they are so good at fixing other people's relationships while they own relationships are crap, always a hero to the out siders while in their own houses they are suffocating their patterners.

[MrRodmuffin]

It’s been a while since I’ve watched one of Craig’s videos. They’ve helped me through a previous breakup. Now in my new relationship I’m finding myself having a lot of anxiety and stress again. I feel that I need to focus on my self and brush up on my relationship skills/knowledge again. I’ve again come to one of Craig’s videos and I have to say that watching the intro bit was surprisingly comforting

[carlfreiermuth]

and I have seen how when they shift into that other mode.. they also blame shift and tell the anxious partner that the anxious partner is not the same person they met lol meanwhile they are the one pulling off the jekyll and Hyde routine.. ouch..

[GwenMotoGirl]

Wow! This really resonated and I will listen to this again until I get all the good info from this. I think I should get The Creative. I’m not in a relationship, but I can be ready. I thought my ex-fiancé was secure attachment style, but I believe he’s avoidant attachment style after listening to this. We were engaged and great for a year, and then he began to turn away, eventually wouldn’t set the date, and then broke up with me, even though he tearfully told me I was the love of his life the day before. I’m still trying to heal.

[donnabottari]

You hit the nail on the head…emotional self control is avoidant of emotions, appearing self-confident until I triggered them 😂 then everything came to the light. In the meantime, I blamed myself for being too emotional. I would rather be me 💯 GREAT VIDEO! thank you!

[ManuB]

This is so F ing true !!! The moment we get close to them and maybe mention about relationship, everything you do gets noted and each minor chinks become an irritant and one slightly off comment is good enough for them to become total strangers. Its actually quite devastating.