Why Your Dismissive Avoidant Ex Wants To Be Friends! | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Relationships

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So after you break up, your dismissive avoidant ex reaches out. What does that mean?...in this video, we go over some of the reasons this attachment style may reach out or want to stay friends after your relationship ended. As with everything, this has to do with subconscious beliefs and programming, so while every case is unique and the actual reasons may vary, this is a high-level explanation of the common ways this attachment style may want to remain friends with you after your breakup.

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[vODDEVILISH]

It’s because they’re keen on keeping people at an arms length but still have them in their lives to go back to when they feel comfortable. When they don’t, they pull away again. It’s a viscous circle. If you’re struggling with a situation like this, it’s totally okay to say “no” and move on. If the DA doesn’t want to heal themselves (and this dynamic actually enables them to continue with their insecure programs), this “staying friends” thing can be a massive struggle to anyone who actually wants intimacy and vulnerability in a relationship. Just my experience. ☺️

[nancygonzalez]

A relationship with them is all about what they want. You can try to give in sometimes, but it’s always about them. No matter what you do for them, how you are there for them, they still only care about themselves.

[uniquedavenport]

Da's be like-HAY! I know I broke your heart and totally gave you PTSD and like crushed your spirit and ghosted you for 6 months with no logical explanation, but can we go out for a slice of pizza this weekend?...😑🥴

[marianeculai]

Irony. They're not even good friends. They express the same issues in friendship relationships as well. They can be an acquaintance but not real close friend.

[howtosober]

Answer: Because then they don't have to be as emotionally invested or accountable to you, they don't have to feel or acknowledge how they treated you as a partner and can pretend everything is okay. After all, if you're friends, you must be fine.

[sanduelN]

my DA ex wanted to be friends after she broke up with me and i simply replied: I need time to think about that and i went straight to No Contact, it's been 5 weeks of No contact now. I'm healing and working on myself daily and the more time passes i'm begining to think that i don't want her back if she eventually reachs out. I just want to be more confident, more secure and i believe I will make the right decision for me! Stay strong people!! PS: i'm an AP

[nilesengerman]

She wants to be friends so she can tell herself she's "mature" as well as by staying friends it's indirect validation that she did nothing wrong (because we stayed friends).

[flagirl]

They all want this. They want to have their cake. I always tell them no thanks. Im not going to be demoted from your partner to a friend. Have self respect y’all

[riceball]

Conclusion: just don’t date dismissives. It’s not worth it. We’re much better off with someone who’s secure. Why go through all these ups and downs and shut downs just to be with someone who can’t really give you the emotional support that you need?

[brittbos]

I'll never date an avoidant again. So heartbreaking.

[JohnDaniels]

Moral of the story, Healthy people find other healthy people and dysfunctional finds dysfunctional, so if you're dysfunctional become healthy 👍🏻

[MeAnINFP]

Because they want to have their cake and eat it too? Be dating someone else but still benefit from the emotional connection/support you bring as a friend (while they may not be showing up as a good friend themselves) without any obligation?

[carolinehenry]

The best thing is just to completely ignore them if they come back, and be happy that you are rid of them. DA's are a complete waste of your time and energy, trust me - they will only bring drama and uncertainty into your life.
Live your life and find the love you truly deserve, time is too precious to waste.

[Revolution-tlwo]

DAs aren't worth it, full stop. And if you let them into your life again for a pseudo-friendship, which is really just gratifying their self-centeredness, after they discarded you, you really need to value yourself better. Get healthy and build attachments with people who respect you. A DA never will.

[Di...]

No matter what the attachment style it boils down to playing games at someone else's expense. Without any recognition of the feelings they hurt.

[lrose]

The DA I was with was so wishy washy. Every few months when things were going good, she would flaw find and say “ That’s why we shouldn’t be together!” Each time I expressed concern or feelings, she immediately shut me down. I was often left confused because of the way she would act like she loved me but then would turn on me. This has caused me to be sooo anxious. Then when she finally broke it off for good, she told me we could be friends. She also told me that I need to chill out. She basically didn’t want me telling her I loved her or telling how I felt about her and expressing my feelings is sabotaging anything I can have with a person. It’s easy if you don’t tell a DA how you feel so then they don’t have to show any emotion. This is crazy to me because she had no problem being intimate in the bedroom when she wanted to. Friends, I can’t do. I’m happy it’s over because this has been the most exhausting thing I’ve ever experienced.

[suesue]

Avoidants often inflate their self-esteem and sense of independence in relation to their partner's inability to be alone. This is why Avoidants don't usually date each other—they never feel strong and independent in relation to someone who shares the same intimacy button as they do.

[mrsherwood]

"Dismissive Avoidant" seems to be a term that excuses an emotionally abusive person. If you're being "dismissed", go ahead and be "dismissed". Also, asserting that they are people who "meet their own needs" gives them a veneer of strength which is false. They don't meet their own needs at all. YOU do by chasing and playing their regressed and maladaptive games and not meeting your OWN needs. They are terrible and abusive people who were damaged beyond repair in childhood or infancy and won't own their work.

[nikm]

4:34 1. Trying to get back together 2. Feeling it out but with guards up (confused) 5:44 3. Get their need met for attention/validation without wanting to invest more, they reach out but don’t follow through; set a boundary (otherwise it’s keeping the wound open).

[Callie]

The things they do are so hurtful and they are literally pushing everyone that cares and loves them.