4 Signs An Avoidant Cares About You

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[veral]

I honestly believe that my ex avoidant cares about me so much that is what led him to self-sabotage (again). "You deserve someone who deserves your love". How tragic that deep wounds have made him feel unworthy of being profoundly loved by someone and, ultimately, being happy. It's heartbreaking for us, partners, too. You see the amazing potential and you futurize but it doesn't come to fruition. Going no contact amounts to grieving. Again and again.

[doyoueatrocks]

My dismissive avoidant girlfriend, if I wake her up at 2am and say ‘I am thirsty’ she will get up, go to the fridge and bring me back a bottle of water and go back to sleep as though nothing has happened. Ask her to talk about her feelings NEVER SURRENDER! 😂😂

[shawntelewis]

I watch a lot these attachment theories videos. I also read quite a bit of these messages. What I do notice is most anxious attachment style folks always say the same thing about their relationship with avoidant. I don't think anxious attachment styles folks believe their triggered or triggering. They always say they gave all their love etc. Listen to this video and understand we all can work on how we show up in our relationships. You may think that you do not trigger others and also have triggers- but if you have a non secure attachment style, then most likely you need to take a look into issues you may have in relationships- even secure people do😊

[sage]

Being with an avoidant was one of the most toxic experiences of my adult life. I gave everything and provided safety and was patient, and I got breadcrummed, promised things that never came to fruition and only promised those things because I had to have the heart to hearts to ask for basic things and experiences that should have been there from day one. If you like masochism emotionally and want to spend your days and time continuously feeling in limbo with your partner, go for an avoidant. Everyone else should run. We all should do the work needed to be our best and most connective selves when wanting to be in relationships with others. I've never felt closer to being with a narcissist who could only see their own side of things then when I dated an avoidant. Run.

[TamagoEgg]

I like how you describe how avoidant may react and slowly open up feeling safe. However, this doesnt indicate that they are healing or being self-aware or reflective of their actions.

I have met an avoidant who opened up with me eventually but getting hit by immaturity, unethical mindset and when being given constructive criticism, he lashed back and think that he is right without even trying to self-reflect. When he feels his perspective being attacked, he retreats back into his shell and close up once again. Do not try to save an avoidant, their behavior is for them to fix it themselves. You can only provide general support.

[grawakendream]

1. they dedicate time for you, despite valuing their personal space
2. they ask about you
3. they give in their love language
4. they begin to open up eventually, gradually

this is a really solid list imo, and i agree with it. thank you. my da doesn't reach out, but when i call she picks up the phone and we can be on the line for an hour. after three weeks no contact she asked about me the 1st time since deactivation. the last two are at nil rn

[britter]

He said avoidants will use asking questions as a means of getting to know you.

No shit. This is how 99% of people get to know ow each other.

[astridlove]

Thank you!! I had to watch to see if this was on point with my experiences. I have been with my avoidant partner of 14 years in a thriving and amazing relationship!! We never broke up or anything close to extreme. I do offer up a lot of advice to those who are navigating an avoidant partner. I started off as being anxiously attached but I was able to really manage and heal this bc I could see that this wasn’t something that was going to fly with him. So I focused on myself. Any way, I could go on and on but what I really like about your message is how I am always telling people who are with Avoidants that what really helps is to focus more on what they ARE doing opposed to focusing on what they are NOT doing. It’s pretty surprising when you can see there is a lot more going on when they do care than what one would normally notice bc they are not showing their love or care in the same way that would be expected!! So I def can agree with everything your saying!

[avenuempire]

She did 3.5/4 of these things and still broke it off with me... again

[theprinceofcrows]

I wish I would have had these resources years ago. I am a magnet for this type of girl and most of the women I have fallen for in the past are somewhat avoidant types. I knew I was up against my natural inclination whenever I found myself in that situation but didn't know anything about the attachment style theory or what to call what I was seeing and experiencing. I just knew I had to find a way to regulate my own emotions somehow because I am not good at playing the waiting game when I have really strong feelings for a girl. It is so rare that I find that special circumstance and connection that it is hard not to want it realized ASAP. So now I know what I tried to do was the right idea but it would have been nice to have more info at that time. 😂😂

[ld]

Yes he opened up but he still used distancing, the last argument we had was him saying what are you doing to me. Then he picked a fight and ran away. 😊

[carolinemuller-karl]

No time
No second for me
Not a blink anymore

We knew each other


Avoiding is avoiding

[jendai]

So glad I found your channel. Some major events in the last few years of my life have led me down a long path to recognising my attachment style is very avoidant. I haven’t researched enough yet to determine if it is fearful or dismissive but I’m glad I’m learning about this.

Thank you for your warm and caring approach. Two minutes in the comments of any of these types of videos and you find really quickly on that they are full of anxious attachment types who seem hellbent on vilifying the avoidant. I’m sorry for the bad experiences they have had. But that doesn’t mean we are *all* evil people who go out on a mission to break hearts and abandon people. I’m learning now about why I feel the need to retreat so often. We are cautious. Some to an absolute fault. We don’t trust easily. And if we don’t show love in the way we’re expected to, then we’re really “terrible” people. Which reinforces all the criticisms from childhood (at least in my case). It’s a vicious cycle. But I’m willing to learn. Step one- find a partner who already knows about, or is willing to learn about attachment theories!!!!

[alchemicalsoul]

This video helped me so much. Being with an avoidant, and being ghosted forced me to pursue secure attachment. Upon his return, my anxiety was triggered, but I was able to converse from a more compassionate and balanced perspective which offered him ability to address my concerns. By reducing my anxiety, I now feel safer to him, and our intimacy has strengthened as a result. I was very close to giving into my fears, but I watched these videos for clarity and understanding. By focusing on me, it allowed me to see he was mostly giving the entire time. Fast forward we just had the best weekend ever, and he invited me to go to his hometown to meet his mother and family. Anxious people, you just might be your OWN problem. It's healthy to own it, and balance it.

[Sandtauruspig]

I was diagnosed with BPD, APD, & CPTSD. I can only speak for myself but one of my major issues is that it doesn't matter how much I like someone - I will analyze them for months before feeling safe enough to start to open up with them. After years and years of mental health treatment/rehab/etc (insurance spent almost $700k on me) I went through a phase where i went the polar opposite direction and became way too open and oversharing (I think oversharing in treatment for so many years just made it feel like a norm) until I got hurt and sort of balanced out. My advice to anyone whos unlucky enough to fall for someone similar to me is - don't take anything personal. A small trivial thing you do once could remind me of my past abusers and right then & there I could make the decision that you're not safe. It's not in my hands all the time because i have so little energy left after doing normal day to day activities that i simply dont have the energy to debate with my demons if you're safe or not.

[Leaveitalone]

Love how I get texts and calls and never personal time. Time to walk away

[gena.official]

Great video. I am a psychotherapist and inclined to gravitate towards being avoidant. Spot-on, especially about the love language. Before getting to that part in the video, I was hoping to hear it included. The Myers-Briggs is another way I like to assess people as a potential mate, and use it frequently in professional settings for team building, etc. Let me know if you would like to connect with my professional network so we can help you promote this content.

[sadiqua]

All true.. he did all these things.. still left out of the blue. Hmmm, his love language is food/acts of service- he brought me a sandwich out of the blue midday but at that time saw birthday cards and realized he missed my birthday- I wasn’t mad, a little disappointed but I hadn’t reminded him. I was more annoyed by a comment he made a couple minutes earlier so when he left and i inadvertently slammed the door. Most guys I date would’ve came back, or mentioned it if it bothered them., this guy? Nope. I text thanks for the thoughtful gesture an hour later and responded that I liked it when he asked a bit later but said I didn’t like the dipping sauce.. no reply and ghost for 2 weeks. He owns a restaurant but I don’t think he made it! Either way, criticism should be expected! Learned about attachment after the breakup and am so frustrated at all the ways I can see how I could’ve communicated differently to engage him better, but we mirrored each other so much. He trigger me and I did as well to him. No contact is getting easier, been a month and I’m feeling lighter, but still think about him daily and it’s annoying AF. Doesn’t help that I see his name everywhere

[mizzemotionz]

Spot on. Just found your channel, will definitely subscribe

[phoenixmode]

All that being explained, just how the hell long is a person supposed to wait for an avoidant to finally open up and feel safe in a relationship? We're both old, both been through bad marriages, we don't have a lot of time.
I like him a lot, have arrived to where I am in love with him, and he has expressed how much he likes me by his actions and words-- yet his repeated distancing and slowness in progressing the relationship seems to completely negate any of the things he says and does.
I've already had a 30+ year marriage to a self-centered, cheating, narcissistic person. I don't want to work that hard ever again. And I've healed to the degree that I am perfectly willing to love myself and accept that being single and happy the resting my days is also an alternative. I enjoy being with me.
I don't need a partner, but I'd like one.

Dating this apparent avoidant for 6 months now-- he even opened on our first date with "I like you and I don't wanna mess this up", and has told me, without my having asked or said a word, he's admitted to having "been distant lately", more than once.

I'm beginning to feel like I've just wasted time and emotion on someone who isn't going to change, regardless of how much he likes:loves me. And I no longer try to fix anyone but myself. I don't have the tools or the bandwidth for projects. In fact, due to my own trauma from childhood and marriage, it has taken me a long time to change my own anxious attachment style, and become a more solid person.
People wanna be distant? Cheat? Walk away? Ignore me? Take me for granted? My motto at this stage of my life (in my 60's) is, "Let them." I don't chase or beg anymore.

He is a kind, sweet, sensitive person, from what I can tell, so I don't want to hurt him by ending it-- and I wonder if "slow" dating (his request, and I agreed) is truly what he needs....yet, how do I know he isn't just toying with me, that his kindness and slow progression of the relationship might be an act?

Now what do I do? 🤷🏼‍♀️