Internal Conflict of the Dumper

In this insightful video titled "The Internal Conflict of the Dumper," Coach Lee dives deep into the emotional labyrinth that engulfs the one who initiates a breakup, particularly when the person they've parted ways with employs the no contact rule.

Often, when a relationship ends, the focus is primarily on the heartache and recovery of the person who has been left behind. However, the emotional journey of the dumper, a narrative less spoken about, holds layers of complexity and introspection that warrant understanding and empathy.

The no contact rule, a strategy where one completely cuts off communication with their ex-partner, is usually adopted to facilitate healing. While it serves as a means for the dumpee to regain strength and clarity, its impact on the dumper is often profound and multifaceted. This video explores the untold story of the dumper's psyche during this period - a journey from certainty to doubt, from relief to reflection.

We start by breaking down the initial emotional cocktail experienced by dumpers post-breakup: a mix of relief, guilt, freedom, and sometimes, loneliness. This phase is often overlooked, as the act of ending the relationship can be mistakenly equated with emotional detachment or readiness to move on. However, the implementation of the no contact rule by their ex-partner thrusts the dumper into a state of unexpected solitude, compelling them to confront their thoughts and feelings without the distraction of ongoing communication.

As the silence extends, the dumper begins to embark on a reflective journey. Coach Lee discusses how the absence of the dumpee not only amplifies the void left by the relationship but also serves as a mirror reflecting their own vulnerabilities, fears, and desires. This video sheds light on the mental and emotional process involved in re-evaluating the decision to break up. Was it a moment of clarity or a mistake propelled by temporary emotions? Did they truly understand the value of what they had, or did they let it slip away too hastily?

Through real-life stories, Coach Lee explores the complex dynamics of post-breakup growth, regret, and realization. The dumper's journey is not just about dealing with the end of a relationship but also about self-discovery, understanding the gravity of their choices, and the possibilities of personal transformation.

This comprehensive examination not only humanizes the dumper's experience but also offers valuable insights into the nature of breakups and the importance of the no contact rule as a tool for self-reflection and growth. Whether you're the dumper, the dumpee, or simply interested in the psychology of relationships, "The Internal Conflict of the Dumper" promises to enlighten, comfort, and inspire.

Join Coach Lee as he navigates the silent echoes of a breakup and uncover the untold narrative of the dumper's internal conflict. This video aims to bridge the gap of understanding and compassion, reminding us that in the realm of love and loss, every story deserves to be heard, and every emotion, acknowledged.

[Soh_kaf]

At the beginning of last year, my ex left me and I started doing no contact. After 9 months she came back and texted me and talked to me just like nothing happened. Because of the good times that we had I treated her respectfully and after a few days I told her that our ways are separate now and I don't want to marry her. Those months of no contact was hard but great for thinking with logic. I realized that the woman that I want to be my wife has to has to have some kind of attributes that makes her not crossing my red lines. I wanted thank coach Lee and coach Ken for helping me passing those hard times.

[teem]

Coach Lee is the boss.

"Love should not be based on emotions"

[HaikesXO]

I’m a 31 year old man, I’ve had multiple serious relationships in my life, and I’m telling anyone who’s reading this to listen to this guy. He is spot on. The only thing I would add is, when you give in to an ex no matter how long goes by or how much resistance you give, it’s a risky decision. They will leave you again if you don’t change your dynamic in the relationship.

[nicholasmoore]

I cannot believe this is me, but my ex just reached out after almost 3 months. She sent a very elaborate video holding up cards with messaged on them for me, we spoke. I was excited but kept it calm and spoke candidly. We’re going to meet up in our hometown on Sunday and go to church (I want to make it clear that our relationship will not be as it was before). I am in absolute disbelief, thank you so much Coach Lee. You’re the MAN!

[navydc]

Coach Lee saved my relationship! I went no contact after our second breakup for 3 weeks. I called her over a few days before her birthday to give her a goofy card. We talked things over and got back together. During those 3 weeks, I identified and fixed the issues on my side. When she returned, she noticed immediately. Coach Lee is right! She said she thought about me every day and prayed for me back daily. She went on 2 dates to try to move on and she was so hung up on me, she hated both dates, further wanting me back. GIVE THE GIRL THE BREAKUP! Don't chase. If you were good to them, they'll want you back.

[juliedorothy]

Hi Coach Lee. Finding you and this channel has been a gamechanger for me. I first found one of your articles that explained the mindset of the dumper & the dynamics in a breakup where one party is a dictator. It made such perfect sense, and it instantly made me feel better. I find that many resources (other coaches and online articles) say "You will get over him", "This too shall pass", but when you're in love with someone, you dont WANT to get over them, you don't want it to pass. You are grasping for hope; hope that they will come back. Because in this situation, they mean the world to you, and the thought of losing them feels like the sun will never rise again. So saying "You will get over it" means "You will be ok with never seeing the sun again" which is crazy. And what you do SO beautifully is comfort us with your pedagogical words, soft voice, straight logic, and calm energy. You explain to us that the breakup is due to a lack of attraction, and you MAKE US want to stay away to regain control, You make us realize what we are too blinded to see. And day by day, we regain our strength, and we find out that the journey is not about getting our ex back, it is about claiming our own energy, it's about being who we are meant to be. So by giving us hope that we will get our ex back, we actually get over them, little by little, because we start realizing our own worth. It's like "I see what you did there, Coach Lee, making me think I was hoping to get my ex back when really I was learning to love myself again". THANK YOU a thousand times. You're literally my hero

[morpheus]

I think the two big things that I learned from coach Lee are : “ you can only do what you can do” and that “ you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you “. Simple but when you think about it, so true. You can’t try to influence or chase someone that doesn’t want to be with you and you can’t force your love on them. Best to go silent no matter how much it hurts. Stay strong fellow dumpees, your time will come and the tides will turn.

[Grim]

Love is a decision. Love is a choice. Love is a pledge. 10000%.

My separated wife dumped me because she was emotionally spiraling. Her parents went along with it and gave her all the support. They don't realize how much I was willing to put forth in this commitment called a marriage. I never wanted to give up. 8 months later we're still apart but no contact is helping me grow and learn about myself.

[alenrivas]

Give them the break up. Stand your ground. Yes it's very difficult but you have to stay strong and trust the process and no matter what the result is, it's all gonna be worth it in the end. Stay SILENT. Your absence or silence is louder than banging the door. Let your silence be present on their mind. Let them feel your absence in their life. That way you become more attractive to them than the first time they felt it. Let them fear losing you. Let them think how you treated them, how you were with them and all the great memories thay had with you and the love they felt that feels magic when you were still together. Because all these will run in their mind and will make them fear the thought of you doing it to somebody else one day. This thoughts can make them crazy about you to the point that they will reach out and get back with you because they fear losing you forever. Again, listen to coach Lee. He knows exactly what he's talking about.

[CiaobellaAmour]

You're truly 1 of the best coaches out here in such a ridiculously saturated market. You keep it simple, logical & straight to the point

[guywithahelmet]

She doesn’t care. 1 month of NC and I haven’t heard anything. She’s not gonna reach out so I’m slowly accepting it. Life goes on.

[TmzRlol]

hey yall, i used to watch this guy RELIGOUSLY a few years ago. I want yall to know its painful for a WHILE but eventually this will all be funny to you like it is for me now. I now see she was INSANE and even though I havent dated since just cuz idc lmao but im very content now and you will be too!

[mht]

I hope he doesn't regret his decision, because I'm now the happiest I've ever been. It's been 5 months since the breakup, and almost 3 months of no contact. I'm now trying things that I had on my bucket list, and I have a potential opportunity to apply for a job that pays really well. I wouldn't be able to consider going to that job if I stayed with him

[shkrsimpson]

One of the greatest videos coach lee has ever made. This is how I view love. It cannot just be based on your serotonin levels in a given day. It is a choice and a commitment.

[codyjones]

As i read comment after 100's of comments, all thanking Coach Lee, I gotta join in an say! THANK YOU Coach LEE. You obviously have a GOD given GIFT!

[scottdavies]

What I've learned is simple. Some women (unhealed, still paralyzed by attachment trauma) would rather hold onto their pride, move on and SETTLE for less especially if the next mate is a pushover and doesn't hold them accountable for their behavior.. it's just way easier than admitting their faults. Happened with my ex wife, and ex gf post-marriage. NC isn't the end all be all people, it worked for me multiple times actually... However, if there's no self awareness and real healing done and they don't do the healing work needed during NC, then you're just wasting your time with them.

[angryfurniture]

Back in 2019 I ran across this channel and watched a ton of videos: helped me with a breakup and she came running back. Covid 2020 in June she broke it off and I got the breakup kit and basically followed it to a T. Within days she kept asking about me and to see me. Got back together and moved in: today we are in the I need space break part. I decided to go back to these videos. And I did give some push back the last week to the break and space but I agreed and said okay. Now it’s time to watch these and remind myself of what to do. Whatever the outcome is if we get back together or not and move out it’s good for peace of mind.

[mosesfigueroaful]

I always talk to people about you, sir. Whether it be if someone is in a relationship, broken up, or just plain single, your knowledge can help out on any situation when it comes to relationships. Thank you, Coach, for your expert help!

[InfinityEscapeLounge]

Coach, if I know I need to stop giving energy to the breakup and to help myself move on, doesn’t that mean at some point I need to ween myself off these videos? Your videos are the only thing that takes the edge off. I know NC doesn’t always work, and that it’s in my best interest to kill any hope so that I don’t prolong suffering. From an internet stranger with a broken heart, thankyou man. (Currently 2 weeks NC)

[Alden]

Love your calm, measured approach to relationships. Thank you, Coach Lee.