Dismissive Avoidant Breakup | Why Dismissive Avoidant Acts So Cold!

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Dismissive Avoidant Breakup | Why do dismissive-avoidant attachment partners act so cold at the end of the relationship? Does that mean that your avoidant partner never cared about you or loved you? The anxious-avoidant relationship can be almost like a mystery. Two very different people trying to understand each other. Understand the coldness and the anxious preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant relationship by watching this video.

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[majickmeg]

Also, let’s get real. Look even just in the comments… even securely attached people get triggered by the DA’s lack of empathy and stonewalling.

[jvyeknom]

The coldness is so sharp because of how warm she was to begin with. 😢

[westcoastorbust]

This hurts so bad. I was nothing but kind to him. He just turned on me in a second.

[Christina-uymn]

I was emotionally neglected as a child. Always on my own, my feelings never mattered. I felt invisible and alone. As an adult, I dont treat people like shit the way avoidants do. I am curious when my partner is upset, I see the value in connection through conflict. I maintain contact and understanding with my partner. I've even told a partner "I think we need air to breathe, I love you, I want us to talk but right now we both need to cool off and talk when we can be loving towards one another." People who are avoidant piss me off because they're xhoosing their behavior. They're choosing their ego and pride. It's the most frustrating situation I've ever been in with one. They have zero accountability for their bullshit. We all have a story, it doesn't mean we're entitled to mistreat others.

[phillyphan]

My question is why are they even dating and trying to get a partner? They need to work on themselves and get healed so they’re not hurting other people.

[ragingphoinix]

As much as I hurt, it hurts me more because I can empathize with him. I did try to love him the best way I could.

[theo]

How can they be so consistent about ghosting people when they are being told many times to stop ghosting. You can never change a person. Love yourself and walk away! Life is too short for involving with A DA

[SKINxChina]

My partner stonewalled me into the end of our relationship. I asked him to call me more often and told him I wanted to fix things with him and he stonewalled me for weeks and I felt forced to end it because he just wouldn't participate in our relationship. I'm so angry and it's so hard not to personalize it. It's hard for me to show empathy for his issues when he abandoned me. Thanks for the video.

[TheMonsieurSalty]

I just broke up with a girl a week ago, and found out after watching contents like this that she's a dismissive avoidant. Always claims to be too busy to talk to me (even via text which she sometimes takes days to reply or even not at all), yet have time to post on social media and our mutual discord server. Even when I told her that I want to break up, she didn't even bother to ask why and just agrees like that. At that time I knew I made the right decision.

That day, I promised myself to never again make connections with dismissive avoidants people. Once is enough.

[nicoleflusk]

The more I get educated about my DA boyfriend’s way of thinking the less personal I take his behaviors. Your videos have been by FAR the most helpful I have seen anywhere on YouTube!!!

[dawnacoxon]

And just like the anxiously attached is attracted to the dismissive avoidant because it’s the familiar (“family”, strong soul attraction) dance of putting others needs first, the dismissive avoidant is also attracted to the anxiously attached because they are hyper focused on them and their needs (same reasons). When the relationship becomes real (out of honeymoon phase, when deeper feelings happen outside of surface connection) the dance changes and the inevitably it ends. Like the saying “it takes two to tango” equates in relationship dynamics to the healthy behavior of both partners are seen/attuned to, Healthy relationships are interdependent, we have our own autonomy HOWEVER we respect and see the value of our partner. We do not deserve to be dismissed and they do not deserve our overt attention. Anxiously attached need to connect to their own emotions and see their own value and in essence so do the dismissive avoidant. It’s opposites attract, yet flip side of same coin. DAs should stop using people to feel seen and AAs should stop caretaking people to be seen. When these wounds are healed neither dynamic will be attractive. Overt dismissiveness will be seen for what it is, cruel and unhealthy behavior. And over caretaking will be seen for what it is, anxious and fearful behavior. In short, learn to love yourself (not in a prideful I’m in love with myself way but in a healthy I see my own value way).

[francesca]

We APs are attracted to DAs because we wish we were more like them. The moment we become more secure we stop finding them interesting. A cat would be more loyal to a relationship than a DA. Come on!

[allurebynika]

You were spot on. It feels like the ultimate betrayal after constantly thinking about the other person. Great video

[felixthecat]

Damn, you are so right.
I got in an anxious/avoidant trap and when it ended it destroyed me. I never even knew about attachment styles before my breakup and now it makes do much sense of why my avoidant did the things she did.
I do not wish this pain on anyone. Hopefully I can find a secure person or at least another anxious preoccupied to be with next. (Hell, I just hope that I can find someone else)

[markcollins]

Going through a breakup with my dismissive avoidant ex wife was easily the most painful thing I have ever gone through. She was and is ridiculously cold. She is very efficient at putting up walls. Am mad at myself for building a life with her. We will have grandkids together and she and her coldness will never fully be out of the picture. Attachment trauma is the gift that keeps giving.

[sarahcosson]

I can’t even begin to tell you how much this video helped me realized so much about my DA ex. He act as though we were nothing the the 5 years we were together, can’t even seem to give me that respect to be able to talk about our relationship and wants to just move past it like it never happened. The hardest thing I have ever gone through. Thank you for this 💓

[allaboardthegravytrain]

Same exact thing with my DA. Why did he lie to me at the start..he knew I wanted someone warm and loving and he masked so he can get me. It’s hard to leave in enmeshed but I think I’m ready to let him go now after over 3 years of coldness. Winter in my heart..go figure.

[depechealamode]

Been trying to wrack my head around the coldness. My person was the sweetest until the day they decided we needed a break. I did even recogize that person. Your videos really have hit the nail on the head.

[PriyankaGupta-ewli]

Oh boy the horror !!🙆😳😂🙄
All my Fellow AP's, Please Turn to Secure attachment by working on yourselves..DA's are a Muck!! 🤮🙄
Just Leave please! 🙏🏻❤
Also Stop getting anybody's attention..!
How long are we going to fix other ppl..its not our responsibility to fix anyone but ourselves!🙏🏻😌We are valuable!
Y'all deserve the World! 🙏🏻❤🥺💕

[keitha.neubert]

Very good information. Of course, if you're an anxious attacher, you can empathize with the avoidant attacher while they forget your feelings. Stay strong and NO CONTACT.