Does Silence Make The Fearful Avoidant Miss You? | Understand My Partner

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In this video, I talk about how the fearful avoidant reacts when you go silent, will they miss you?

How do you deal with your partner when they seem to have gone silent?

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

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#CommunicateNeeds #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #FearfulAvoidantAttachment

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[Kavilion]

These psychopaths will ghost you and then get offended and butthurt when you don’t declare your undying love anyway. You’re better off alone.

[loria]

As a fearful avoidant I’ll say she is correct. Silence will make me stir crazy then leave you! I asked my most recent ex (when we were together but my ex was out of town) did she miss me she said no. I played it off but it hurt my feelings.

The second and final time was recently. She spent a week at my house then went back to her place and didn’t reach out to me at all. I took the initiative and reached out and she responded timely.

But because I didn’t like the silence and also feeling like I wasn’t thought of or missed. I decided to end the relationship.

I didn’t like how okay my DA was with not talking to me for a whole week.

Now my ex is out of sight and out of mind, and seldom do I think of her.

It’s hard to attach to someone who you don’t even talk to. I realized what made me like her previously was my idea of her and the idea of wanting to get to know her. DA’s are hard to get to know. Once she finally revealed more of herself to me I still liked her but I didn’t like her DA tendencies, not enough for me to continue to tolerate the silent treatment, absence, and lack of presence. You’re better off with the annoyance of an AP than a DA. At least you know the AP is thinking about you 25/8 and even in their sleep.

Seek secure, become secure.

[Jawnson]

For the love of everything good on earth when you see a person showing avoidant traits and not willing to compromise after you express how you feel then please tell them that you cant do it anymore and that they need therapy then move the hell on and never ever look back. I used to be a DA when i was younger but im now secure and trust me its not worth your time. Ive been on the receiving end as well and its a hard pill to swallow.

[lauraschleifer]

relatable! I've actually been waiting to see if you would ever bring this issue up of FAs actually being afraid to express how much their partner means to them for fear of giving away their power too much or leading their partner to take them for granted--it's been a HUGE issue for me. Glad to hear I'm not the only FA who has experienced this.

[GazaFloatilla]

Avoidants make terrible partner's. Real love isnt absence and mind games

[bp]

To the FA's on the thread I want to say: I truly empathize with whatever you went through to get you where you are. Please enroll in her program or get therapy and work on it. I have no ill will toward my ex FA, But as a 75%-ish secure/25% AP, I'm mostly on these videos to learn how to spot FA and never deal with it again. The shockingly fast flip from hot to cold and deactivation/dumping when things were going great is not something I'm ever willing to put myself through again, even though we really really connected. You deserve caring, secure partners, but we won't put up with much of this stuff.

I wish you all a smooth journey to healing and towards secure.

[melb]

I understand what Thais is saying, the psychology behind the behavior. The problem is, at least for the FA in my life, that talking doesn’t help. I’ve tried and it’s like talking to a wall. He either doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to and he refuses to get the help he needs to heal. So silence is all I have left. I’m not trying to make him miss me, I just need the space for my own mental health.

[kathyramos]

I was doing my part .. he didn’t 🤷‍♀️I gave up . I don’t want to see /communicate with him At all😊 I realized he needs to grow up, healed, be in a better place but I’m too old for that❤

[cbensch]

10 days no contact after break up and FA sent the vague check in. Fascinating.

[NoName-njmw]

Silence in my mind equals rejection. I first think maybe there is something wrong but if I find out you were silent just because, then it makes me want to leave because you don't care about me. I hate feeling like I care more than they do.

[SkullObsessed]

Been in no contact with an FA for six weeks, but i tried to break that 3 weeks ago. Never got a response. Now I'm confused to try again because I know she's never going to reach out, so its on me to save whatever we have, and I can't seem to just let go. If I break no contact again, I just look desperate and needy and it all loses its effective-ness. If I leave it alone, she'll be too enmeshed in her own avoidant cycle to do anything besides rebound and replace me. Damned if I do and damned if I don't, either way she gets to lie, cheat, give up, and run away leaving me with all the emotional consequence. Messed up thing is, if she wasn't so avoidant, she would've been genuinely perfect for me ... What a world we live in ....

[MakeFictionAgain]

Wow. Asking for more quality time was exactly the thing that made them blow up and ghost me, 19 months ago. That was the result of working up the courage to express that need.

[alainpatry]

As partner to FA/DA and having been ghosted for a week as of now, I would be happy just having dialogue. I hope she is watching and can find the inner strength to rise above the attachment wounds and come towards me.

[henryzhao]

Silence equals rejection to an FA yet FA’s go silent when they withdraw 😂

[mailill]

Yes, but we might not want you back, especially if the silence lasts too long or if there is a pattern of silent treatment/ghosting and zombieing (ghosting and returning like "from the dead").

Also, if the rejection is very clear and cruel or impolite, we might deactivate instantaneously and not feel much at all. Ever.

[treintaydiez]

Exhausting. Better to move on to someone healthy

[fionaho]

This cannot be more accurate. To me there’s so much I want to express, and I can be so warm and affectionate, but just shut down and goes completely silent when I don’t feel it’s reciprocated…and it’s not because I don’t miss the person (in fact I miss them a lot) but so afraid of feeling more rejection and refused to give my power away.

[kerrymillar]

Oh my goodness she is so right. This is exactly what I do. If I feel rejected I shut down and go into avoidance.

[tanyamarie]

Thank you. It makes sense. I've been in a FA and DA cycle for ten years. I'm the FA. Recently we came back together and shared six really fantastic months together, better than ever. I attribute that to doing the work on myself through this channel and therapy leading up to the reconciliation. I noticed positive outcomes and changes in him also. I practiced expressing my needs using scripts provided by Thais. The results were awesome. However, I did start noticing my DA creating more distance after things between us hit a peak level of intimacy. I was prepared for it this time which helped me soothe myself and ride the wave much more easily. It still took work to deal with anxiety but I could be with it and focus inward on myself vs outward on him. Unfortunately, he did give me a bit of whiplash with a sudden total withdrawal at the beginning of September. This video very accurately described my internal process this past month. I followed a script Thais provided in another video and sent a very brief voicemail three weeks later with a pic of me smiling. The zero response took me to the place Thais perfectly describes here. I didn't see the evidence he's missing me (typically he loves my pics and has responded quickly for several months to my messages even though this time around I really let him lead the majority of time). I felt a fire in me this past week. I had intense feelings of anger, rejection, etc. I felt POWERLESS. I felt overwhelmed by the stress of what to do. It had nothing to do with "getting him back", and everything to do with me wanting to feel like I was not weak. It's been the most exhausting week. No sleep. Do I never reach out again and go on knowing the door is still ajar AGAIN after ten years of this? Do I still want a relationship with him? The list of questions is endless. Last night, I took inspiration from another script of Thais to write a short email (I humbly admit I used to send ten part emails 🥴😵), and let him know I noticed he didn't respond. I really thought a lot about the DA internal process. So, no criticizing, etc. I simply stated that stonewalling isn't solution focused or healthy. For the first time in ten years I expressed how stonewalling impacts me and that I don't like it. I didn't overanalyze his stonewalling or make it my fault. I didn't blame him. I also stated I wouldn't reach out again and let him know it was okay and I agree if he needs and wants his freedom from us. I have no idea what he thinks, but I'm noticing I feel so much lighter today. My headache is gone, my muscles are loser, I slept better and my focus needs to be on me. I do miss his presence in my day and the grief is real. But I did something for myself to set myself free (psychologically) instead of just waiting and wondering. I really love this channel. Thank you for all your great content! It's truly changing my life for the better ❤️

[cheryljackson]

I didn't think my relationship with my DA would last until I found thais's channel. I'm such an FA. I lean AP too. I've learnt a lot about my bf and myself. We have moved beyond the power struggle with communication and he's even told me he loves me. Something I was questioning if was possible for him to say. His actions are great, he calls me every day and we see each other regularly. Met the family. He's a total DA so does go quiet sometimes...but never fully vanishes. He talks to me about things bothering him etc. Its not been easy but we're finally getting somewhere so I want to say thank you for these invaluable videos. You really are making a big difference ❤️❤️