Dismissive Avoidant: How to tell when an avoidant is done for good | Coach Court

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In this video, Coach Courtney Gatlin gives signs of how to tell when an avoidant is done for good.

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#dismissiveavoidant #coachcourt #breakups #healing #anxiouspreoccupied

[susanwhalls]

My experience is that because they are completely incapable of any type of healthy communication, they just become meaner and meaner to push you to break up with them

[superdupeninja]

Avoidant’s inability to communicate properly is not my problem. A secure person will tell you to you’re face if they are unhappy or not. Do the work to make yourself secure

[superdupeninja]

Find someone more physically and emotionally attractive

[Naomi-grfm]

Give what you get. If they dont want to be bothered give them the space they obviously desire.

[nilesengerman]

For starters, I am NOT contacting her lol! Managing a relationship with a dismissive avoidant was the most emasculating experience of my life.

[mgn]

Poor communication and then they get upset because you didn’t understand them. Crazy making imo

[RobStone]

Absolutly spot on. A Dissmisive Avoidant often tells you things and can't always be obvious as they don't explain very well. It's in hindsight when you look back, they told you what is what and it all falls into place. Awesome video!

[kimberleyann]

I've dated 2 DA. They come back when it's too late. I'm AA. Just broke up with my 3rd DA. I realized I needed to fix my AA style and am doing very hard work.

[busyazn]

0:50 1. It's been 3 months of no contact & you contact but they're still cold & distant. They've moved on & you should move on.
2:30 2. They're in a different relationship & make it public.
4:00 3. They told you what they didn't like about the relationship but you didn't pay attention.

[yougotgroove]

They wi;; never take ownership for their wrong doings.They only point out flaws, minor flaws.The glass is always half full.

[blackwidow]

Seriously??? You're crazy! 3 months of no contact and you think a dismissive avoidant as checked out and gone for good?? A true dismissive avoidant usually doesn't start to process a break up for at LEAST 6 months, usually longer. If you contact a DA after only 3 months, it's not going to be nice. A DA has had years to learn coping skills and it takes them longer to process their emotions. The very best thing anyone can do when dealing with a DA, is to go about your business and start the process of getting over them. Disappear off social media and let them start to wonder what you are up to, but by all means, don't contact them at 3 months, because they will see this a pressure. A dismissive avoidant leaves because they place more importance on their freedom than relationships. So give them what they want, freedom and let them stew.

[sshuteandrew]

My DA warmed back up twice after extended deactivation and separation- both times he said he was done. I would reach out periodically every 2-4 months to check in. Once he responded at the 8 month point and the other time at the 9 month point. (No social media in our case.) Sometimes the DA shut downs aren’t directly related to you and in time and space, they recognize that. They recognize their part in the relationship rupture. Also after months, they have time to feel their feelings for you again and for their feelings to override their fears. It is a VERY slow and long process to reconcile with the DA. It takes an abundance of time and trust building. And the more DA they are, the longer it takes. Six months is no definite indication that the DA is done, especially when you share a strong bond and emotional connection.

[loveleeeventplanningl.l.c.]

All I can say is wow. From all this he’s definitely gone forever! It’s definitely been hard. Spending 10 years with a dismissive avoidant has done a number. I sure hope it doesn’t take me 2.5-5years to get over him. But honestly I can see how it could 😢

[BabyFaceRose]

Those are literally the ones that wait until a few years down the line or until they’re actually ready for something serious to realize damn I had a good person I miss them and come back😂 but by then it’s like you have to be fully over them

[Mystifrost]

Coach, I appreciate your direct style. I think that sometimes, for those who find it difficult to move on after the normal timeframe, is because they were in fact dealing, not with an avoidant, but a narcissist. Oftentimes, this "avoidant", disguised as a narcissist, will breadcrumb their ex, who is likely an anxious attached with low self-esteem and or co-dependant. There isn't direct contact, but they will post on social media containing information that only their ex will understand, the hidden message contained within it, for example. This sounds crazy, but, It's true, and can drive someone to feel crazy. Anyway, thanks again.

[Mychannel-zbwz]

Who would even want someone like that in your life ? 😂

[reneenevins]

The timing of this couldn’t be more perfect! 🙏🏼

[bisneyfaldo]

I think avoidants have a small group of trusted friends they value their opinion and some of the actions are rooted in uncertaintiy of the group accepting the person they're dating. The DA's never really there all along, just for some highlights and magic moment but not the long walk...it's like someone watching the NBA playoff and pressing phone all through the game.

[cpateddy]

DAs sometimes say things in the heat of the moment that they don’t mean. Feelings change over time and they do miss you. Give it time.

[kimmichaud]

I went six months without hearing from him after dating for a year and a half, I reached out and said happy birthday he responded and we got back together, now we are still back together and it's been a year and a half since then so it's three years total not counting that six months of no contact