Narcissists think they can treat you bad and love you at the same time | The Narcissists' Code Ep809

why do narcissists think they can treat you bad and love you at the same time? Narcissistic people become really good at compartmentalization and think they can love you while treating you badly.

Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.

The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.

Thank you so much

[southerncatlady]

"I was there for you." No, they were THERE. Doesn't mean they were there FOR you.

[strawberrysangria]

I've told someone this before, and I realized I don't love them either. I loved the person I thought they were, but that's not them. They loved the person they planned to make me, but that's not me. We were loving lies.

[liliesandtulips]

"we both make mistakes. We both forgive each other. We both this ...we both that"

Spot on! Happened all the time and confused tf outta me.

[cdorothy]

I don’t understand why she abused me yet expected me to stay. I don’t think it’s a reasonable expectation

[Ifanythingeverhappenstome]

I divorced a narc this week (🎉🥂🥂🍾🎊) after being treated like trash for YEARS. After a 12 hour divorce mediation with papers SIGNED at the end of the night, sent me texts at 12 and 4am about how much he loves me. What a friGGin joke. literally mad.

[poison_plays]

So when narcissists gaslight themselves it’s often to make themselves feel like they’re better people than they really are, as opposed to those of us who self-gaslight ourselves that we’re worse people than we actually are.

That makes so much sense. Appreciate the information and revelation, thank you so much!

[PhantasmicEther]

My husband told me point blank today I should forgive and forget everything he does to me, no matter what. He was awful to me last night, stormed out, scared my son and I —chewed me out again this morning, stormed out again saying he wanted a divorce. I got back from work this afternoon and he was acting like nothing happened, gave me the speech I should just forgive and get over it because that’s what his mom did with his dad. My head exploded!

[momtomysonshine]

This is so spot on. Toxic people have a way of compartmentalizing everything they do. That's why someone can cheat on you and swear they love you. They try so hard to convince you of this as well as themselves.

[vee]

My father sometimes punctuated his abusive rants with “you know what? I think you just LIKE to be miserable!” when he noticed I was crying my eyes out. I was *literally just a kid* and the main reason I was crying was because of how he was screaming at me.
And yet he always expected me to take the words “I love you” at face value when he tacked them on to the end of those episodes, as if robotically stating those words with a fake lovey-dovey voice somehow made it all okay. If I didn’t stop crying immediately, that was just proof I enjoyed being miserable and therefore it wasn’t his fault I was upset.
Fucking insane 🙄.

[amyludwig]

That's part of the entitlement and emotional immaturity.. they think their actions shouldn't affect you because you ultimately don't affect them.. but truly.. so they naturally think that you think like they do AND if you don't there's something wrong with you, and if you do, there's something right with the narcissist.. the epitome of narcissim.

Proud of the work you do!
Keep holding the line in yourself! Your content helps folks to realize they're not crazy or alone. It can be very validating, especially since a lot of the antics that are used are psychological and isolating the victim somehow.. if even in the mind.
Thank you 🙏🏼

[sweetoneloves]

This is a Pure Narcissistic Classic Move, which is part of the NPD Disorder, the abusive treatment of the Narc, they are blinded to how they treat you rather is love or hate. No empathy so if that is not there? You are just an object they use, IF There are any love emotions shown ???? I guarantee you the love is gone as soon as it lands on you. Treating you abusively, with a teaspoon of love, is truly the Love of a Narcissist. If you are with one, just know this treatment that comes with the territory of being in a relationship with a Narcissistic person

[eyram]

But the good things done, though few and far between are done with ulterior motives so imo they don’t actually count . When they have to do something really beneficial to you and not self-serving for them, they turn it into a whole negative thing and ruin the joy of it . For me, both jars are filled with lead (negative stuff). For years even decades they had me questioning my sanity but thanks to you Lee, all the silent treatments, the gaslighting, the stonewalling, the mindset is being exposed in your videos . I’m eternally grateful . I’m on my road to recovery .

[SummerSolstice]

“If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t even be following you! That’s how much I care!” -Direct quote of my narc 😭😂😂😂

[CharismasHealingJourney]

I broke free from the narc I was dating. He put his hands on me yet couldn't understand that if he put his hands on me again that I would call the police and get him arrested. THE NERVE! That made me the enemy. He made it seem as if I was somehow taking an unalienable right away from him and he resented my boundary.

[kevintewey]

They just deny that they treat you badly

[rosemarie]

Oh I heard that one..."you weren't perfect either"...when he was trying to gaslight me and hoover me back in after I found out he was cheating and had been for most of our marriage. 🙄 It didn't work at all. He would've been much wiser to focus on what he had done, but wisdom isn't something you can get without self-reflection. He's incapable of that. So, he lost that round.

[leahrosemondberry]

I have been told many times by my husband that he thought I wanted to be treated badly... regardless of me telling him, "Hey, I don't want to be treated the way you treat me".

[WaterBug]

H came home with a burger for me. Two days later he wants to start a fight. Nope. But I got you a burger!
Folks, they will weaponize anything. Even a burger.
No more burgers for me. I’ll just take care of myself, thanks.
Next he got me a $400 headset. Trying to fix the burger mess? Who knows. I made him send it back. If he will weaponize a burger no way will I set myself up for the uptown craziness a headset would unleash.
Constant awareness and vigilance. Yeeing freaking haw

[alicerayne]

yeah they will beat you up, than help you heal so they can beat you up again each time it is worst, life is to short for that kind of love xp

[faybaynes]

I am the survivor of a domestic violence narcissist marriage and I developed Stockholm syndrome and even picked up his traits and realised I've become a narcissistic parent because of mimicking his behaviour. I THANK YOU SO MUCH for your vlog approach. I live in the UK 🇬🇧 and I'd like to do 1 to 1 but there is a time difference in our countries, do you do 1 to 1 sessions with people overseas..Once again thank you for the content and once again hats off to your AMAZING WIFE..