Tricking narcissists into feeling bad for their actions (AITA)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[Cdub]

I think public shame is the only thing that really frightens them. In my experience, when dealing with a prominent narcissist- that’s sometimes the only protection you have most times from their abuse. It’s very sad to think they care more about their reputation than their loved ones.

[KrisWilliams]

I remember working at McDonald’s as a kid and this older guy was flipping out because the senior coffee went up - literally - 2 cents. I apologized while carfully reminding him I didnt set the prices. He didn’t back down, continued spinning out so I asked, “Do you have grandchildren?” And when he confusingly replied “Yes” I asked him “Would you want someone screaming at your grandkid like this?” He was so thrown off… he looked embarrassed and chilled out.

[Bornintoclusterb]

What a brilliant idea, faking consequences for those who kiss up and kick down. Agree with you Dr. Ramani, this should be trained in customer service. Publicly shaming narcissists is something we should all embrace. The world is waking up to narcissism and it’s about time we stop enabling and start holding them to account.

[meredithe]

Omg I love that she called narcissism a mindf*ck because that is EXACTLY what it is

[MzShonuff]

They probably don’t wanna be *seen* being cruel. They don’t mind being cruel (they live it) but they don’t wanna be seen as a bad person.

[mfayehaynes]

I'm grateful that you distinguished shame from accountability, because narcissistic people tend to only feel "put on the spot" moreso than feeling any actual remorse for their actions.

[suzanneflowers]

Agree. Brilliant strategy. Narcissists will push the tantrum envelope as far as possible and then stop only when it becomes uncomfortable for them.

[joosyjulie]

I brought my narcissistic mother to a shuddering halt when in public she told everyone she wished I had gone to college. I straight up looked her in the eye and said out loud that I hadn't because she dissuaded me. My younger sister of course got every but of encouragement and support.

[Picca]

That's when you know they actually KNOW how to behave right. Brilliant action!!

[amycarter]

I love this! Beating the Narc, publicly, with dignity and leaving them with nothing to hold on to.🥰 Just like how they treat everyone else.

[AngryCandy]

When I knew I was leaving my retail job, I started talking back at customers the way they talked to me. The look on their faces was priceless.

[tootiewright]

I find myself working for a narcissist… just started the job about a month ago. Already looking for a different job. I just got out of an 11 yr marriage to a narc. I now have learned to spot them easier after listening to your podcasts…. Thank you!

[Dana-gjhr]

Our Local coffee shop. Woman walks in midday in heels and a fur coat. Cuts the entire line and hands a gift card to young male cashier and orders her drink. Boy gives manager a look, “What do I do?” Manger says “Yes, we accept that card.” He gets her drink, hands it to her and she said “Give me my card back”. The manager says, “You’re actually in line behind the man in the red knit hat. You’ll be given your change after he’s served, or, if you’re in a hurry, you can use the balance to pay for all these guests until it runs out”. Sweet!

[butterfly]

I've experienced this with narcissists where I called them out publicly and magicically certain negative behaviors of theirs stopped. I've also seen them try to overcompensate to try to prove that they aren't a narcissist by doing the opposite of what they were called out on.

[white]

my little brother got sick, and my Nmom started complaining about how he puked and how her highness is entitled to not have to care of her own kids and so on, when my brother said "you know, you could atleast ASK if im okay" and she got quiet. the problem is, he felt guilty for saying that, as if he was the one in the wrong, and not the narcissist.

[mos]

I really love when the highly lingual Dr. Ramani uses terms such as ‘the THIS is not THAT enough’. She is so relatable. I’ve said it 💯’s of times…so glad this survivor community has her.

[SeeCSeesCC]

❤️ One time the narcissist that I was with, who constantly raged on, angry name calling, in my face and was on a roll. I looked at him and calmly said, it must be really hard for you to get those kind of words out of your mouth. He started to cry. I understand this methodology. We need more ways to win. Good people in power❤️

[Julz]

This was an excellent insight into the behavior of a Narcissist. I have experienced situations similar to what was described in the video. You would not believe how emotionally abused hair stylist are by clients, people will lie to get a repeat FREE service. It's shocking! This video is spot on. 👌 Thanks!

[Rexag]

Oh… having siblings all narcissists…I’ve grown into taking nothing from public when they try to play me. I worked at a bar just to help a friend out and it turned into a part time moonlighting job. I’m fair and condescending tones with me only made me slow down your service. But this one guy cuts in front and I looked at him as if “ what do you need” he starts telling me what he wants and stops he can’t decide so as he decides in that split second I look over him because a disturbance was brewing in the line behind him. I just darted my eyes and he says “ hey! (With two fingers pointing at his eyes) eyes on me! “. Before I could even think I blurted “ oh no, you are not talking to me like that. Matter of fact I’m not talking to you the rest of the night. That’s it… who’s next? “ all the people started laughing… I wasn’t. He tries to argue saying “ oh you are that kind” I said.. “ I told you I’m not talking to you and you are in the way… last time I’m saying this. You will have to wait for another server or go home.” People were laughing and he left. I swear you are not going to do that to me. Eyes on me! Asshole had to learn not everyone cowers to your pompous ass. This is a healing scapegoat… we are a force to be reckoned. Thanks Dr. Ramani

[nonconformist]

The only time they feel bad is if their actions are something that gets the response they wanted but that response makes them look bad.