Too needy? Anxious attachment? This video can help you.

I think we've all been there. We look at a relationship in our life whether it be our parents, a romantic partner or a friend of ours, and we ask ourselves, "am I too needy or too clingy in this relationship?" Perhaps we are just trying to have a healthy relationship that includes effort in both parts or perhaps we are becoming too demanding on our partner or friends - and we are being too needy or clingy in our relationship. Let's talk about signs you may be too needy or too dependent or too clingy in your relationship or friendships. We may be needy or codependent in our relationships and could benefit from self work or codependency work. Have you found yourself asking if you're too needy or clingy in your relationships? Or did you find you were codependent in your relationships and benefited from codependency work to be less dependent or reliant on your partner or friend? Let me know in the comments.

--
My Books (in stores now)

Journaling

Online Therapy

Patreon

Podcasts
Opinions That Don't Matter! & Ask Kati Anything!

Partnerships

Please Read
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room. MY BOOKS (in stores now)

ONLINE THERAPY

Join this channel to get access to perks:

YOU CAN SUPPORT THE CHANNEL BY SHOPPING WITH OUR AFFILIATE LINKS

PARTNERSHIP

PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[Katimorton]

Have you ever felt like this? I would love to hear your experience in the comments. ❤ I have more related videos and helpful links in my description.

[shreeramseetharaman]

Double whammy when you are shamed for being needy. I have been told many times to pull my act together and to chill. Only my fellow anxious attachment people know how miserable the whole experience. A simple thing like not getting a reply triggers a wildfire inside my head.

[brookels]

Personally, I find that "needy" people are just traumatized humans that require a liiittle extra care yet society doesn't want to budge&treat us like we're deserving humans. We are though. I need reassurance from my partner&I communicate openly but society is rampant with abusers&sadly it doesn't matter who you are, once an abuser has you, they'll abuse you however they wish.

[nunyabusiness]

I have an anxious attachment style. And I'm really, really hard on myself about it... I communicated my needs to my partner today and it was really scary. I feel like I ask for so much from him. He is frustrated that it seems like I can't trust that he loves me - of course he put this in a really kind way. It's just hard because he shows me love, comforts me, calls me nearly every day... and I seem to fixate on the little things he does "wrong" and use them as proof that he may not really love me. And he just wants me to feel loved and stop questioning his feelings! He tells me he loves me all the time, why is my fear of abandonment still so strong?

Well.... Not to be cliche, but my dad abandoned me. And he was always really loving and emotionally affectionate. He just couldn't be there for me in reality. So now, I love being loved, don't get me wrong, but I don't feel like love is enough to keep someone from leaving me. I don't value verbal reassurance the way I should. I'm extremely sensitive to broken promises, even little ones. I get really unnerved when my partner is late or needs to reschedule our plans. I think, "He loves me, but does he want to be with me? Is he willing to make an effort?" And I get anxious until I can talk to him again, usually in tears.

[LucilleJohnson-nq]

It hurts to imagine life without my man. I never thought it would come to this point where I might have to let go. I know this may not be the right place to share this, but I feel like I’m gradually losing myself, and I don’t know what to do. I’m holding tightly to the beautiful moments we shared, and I sincerely hope he finds happiness.

[MrLoudthought]

I feel both too needy and try not to get close to people past my boundaries, because once I get to trusting someone, i want that reassurance, and that's typically where things come apart from me

[npjm.]

Running into people who are deceptive and just want to use you while dealing with this attachment style/wound is literally hell. Add battling depression and anxiety to this equation.

[samuelwilliamsjoy]

Once I remember that my needs are valid and wanting to have them recognized doesn't make me a monster, it becomes a lot easier to not get upset about people that, for whatever reasons, cannot give me that reassurance. Thank you ❤

[internetperson]

I never used to be that way, but dated a couple women back to back who jumped to someone else after going a little quiet. Ever since, whenever someone gets a little quiet I start getting anxious. Before I'd just think "Oh they're busy, " but now my mind runs wild.

[BigLRestInPeace]

I have an anxious attachment style, and a strong fear of abandonment, but I keep getting abandoned, so I'm never able to feel safe around anyone. My father left us, my mother died when I was young, and my girlfriend who was my favorite person and safety net left me. Friends lose interest, and I don't know why, maybe I'm too much. I try to be better, and I go to therapy, but I struggle so much to relax and have a nice day feeling safe, because I'm constantly afraid of being abandoned, rejected, left out, forgotten. I have such strong need for emotional closeness and I find it nowhere. I'm a 33 year old man. I'm supposed to suck it up and hang out with buddies. I need closeness, I need hugs, appreciation, compliments. I need space to be a person who worry and overthink. I need support when I am low or when I act in a distressed manner, either with worry, overthinking or just stress. I have no space anywhere to be myself. I cry myself to sleep. Therapist have me fill forms. How am I supposed to be strong and feel that I have worth and that I matter? I don't know if I'm asking Kati or if I'm just venting. I am just sharing, because I have nowhere else to go with this.

[livedeliciously]

When people stop initiating contact, I'll automatically assume it's because they've grown tired of me forever. And because I have this dangerous assumption, I stop contacting them as well. In the end, my assumptions always become reality. So while I definitely have an anxious attachment, part of me subconsciously has an avoidant attachment as well. The thinking being: why bother starting relationships when they always fall apart anyway?

It's easier to fall from the 1st floor than the penthouse. Or better yet, if you never go up, there's nowhere to fall. That is an analogy for loneliness.

[ToMeltdownTown]

Here's my two cents. My parents were aloof and distant and never showed affection and love to me. Now that I'm a grown up woman I like to communicate with caring people who are willing to give me the extra love and attention I've always needed. It's a mutual way to compensate for not feeling loved as a child. This makes some people feel love-deprived and in need to finally feel love and attention. Also, a "needy" person is "needy" only when his partner isn't comfortable with giving a lot of love and affection. It's just all about finding the partner who needs to give and receive the same amount of attention we do. Relationships are different and there isn't one perfect and set healthy level of affection, it's about what the 2 people involved need and want to give and receive.

[denadear]

I have come a long way in my anxious attachment. My emotions were always dismissed so I have constantly questioned if what I was feeling was even okay. I started off feeling needy and over time I did cultivate my own interests and learned some hidden gifts I had. And over time my husband (avoidant) has opened up, but we are currently going through some of these old feelings and it has been very difficult. I appreciate how this was reflected in the video which instead of making me feel like I am a horrible person for wanting to be loved, I can realize that it's just that I want to be recognized that my feelings do matter. Thank you so much for this.

[kenrickbautista]

This is the video I really need now. Sometimes, I really do come off as needy.

[likaism]

my partner broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he thinks i’m needy and he feels like it’s unhealthy.
thank you for this. i think being more aware will help me :)

[williamstollery]

I've been needy in almost every relationship in my life. A big part of that, I think, is because of my ADHD. One of the things you mention (like being influenced by messages I've got through my life) is relevant too, but having hyperemotionality and a desperate search for dopamine is the primary aspect of it for me.
It's something quite a few of my ADHD friends struggle with too - we tend to be a lot more intense in all of our relationships and desires, and finding places where and people with whom we can comfortably display that level of intensity is rare. It's... a difficult thing to balance, and something I (and we) are still struggling with. And we probably always will - but we're still making progress and gaining understanding about how to deal with these struggles better.

[hebbbby]

I feel like I'm kind of both anxious and avoidant. Initially I keep people at arms length. I really do, I worry that they'll then want to do everything with me and I'll lose control (I think). But then like a switch goes and i fall for them and then become anxious. Thank you for this video Katy, it's helped me to figure a few things out.

[SkywardsFalling]

This attachment series has come at the perfect time for me as I've just been introduced to this concept in therapy - and wow, what a revelation! I relate all of the anxious attachment signs in this video and although it is currently causing me a lot of anguish within my relationships with others, it feels such a huge relief to finally put a name to what I've always experienced but never been able to fully articulate or understand. This video has really helped me to understand some of my anxious attachment behaviour patterns and enlightened a particularly difficult period I'm going through with a friend - who I've now identified as an avoidant. I've been following you for years but this is the first video I've commented on. Thank you, Kati!

[LouveniaMusic]

I needed to hear your bit about not accepting all the blame and shame for the unhealthy anxious-avoidant dynamic.

[fairyjunnie]

had a horrible day yesterday and i lost people who i thoughts were my friends. thank you so much for this video ♡