Texting Expectations & Challenges for Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment in Dating Phase

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In this video, I talk about the expectations Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment Style tend to have regarding texting during the dating phase of a relationship.

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Thank you for watching!

[shakeelahmed]

Thanks a lot Thais. You are awesome and the best supporter to the Insecures like me out in the world ❤️

[weeklyweeks]

Biggest thing I learn about texting is that yes, it feels good when you reach out and hear from someone you care about but give them the time and space to reach out on their terms so that can receive that same feeling.

[sophiafara]

I am a recovering AP. Quite honestly, the majority of times I texted was because I didn't want to be alone with myself. I outsourced my sense of self by all this hypervigilance around it. I now choose to face all those uncomfortable feelings that arise because I am learning to value and respect myself.

[leeleeonthemove]

I can relate! I’m an AA and my anxiety gets really high when I don’t hear from my romantic interest ENOUGH. This is informative. Thank you

[antinous]

The trouble is there is this assumption that because Im an anxious attacher, that I don't like being single or like my own time. In fact, it's that as soon as I start to trust somebody with my heart, or start to give in to hope, my fear of abandonment kicks in.

[curandeira.rising]

As an anxious preoccupied, this was the most loving call-out 😮‍💨

[Royrodgerz]

Thank you so much for this video! I did not know it had a name. This is definitely something that I do and I hate the ugly feeling in my stomach when I am wanting reassurance from someone that they are still into me

[Kat-lqsp]

This information is accurate. I thought texts, in the beginning, would continue throughout the stages of a relationship and when the texts get shorter. This use to trigger me, I would start thinking "oh he thinks I'm justing annoying him or what did I do and is losing interest." I now understand so much better and my anxiety has been reduced tremendously.

[kevinlaranja]

Thank you for this video. I needed to hear that part about the importance of independence of being away from one another. Remembering that actually texting all day is a DISTRACTION to a relationship to grow properly. Thank you for your wise words.

[traceykemple]

This. Is. What. I. Needed. To. Hear!
Thank you for addressing exactly what was in my head and heart right now. It's exhausting and unfair cramming so much meaning behind a dip in messages from someone.

[nurarihion]

Sometimes I would feel in a drunk state when texting was continuous throughout the day, and whenever pauses would start to arise, a sense of thirst and sadness would come all over me. I totally identify with the idea of losing oneself to the cellphone, There were times a would literally abandon myself to the texting, not even eating or sleeping well, as long as the messages would keep coming. In times I was not seeing anyone specific, Like while using Tinder, I would carry this out with as many people as possible, as to avoid any sense of loneliness and sadness.

[JACCO]

Thank you for this video. I've been one step this side of devastated all day because she has slowed way down on texting and I'm spiraling into the "she is losing interest" mindset. I know it's illogical but it's difficult to set that aside from what's in my head.

This gave me words to apply to my feelings and it helps a lot to allow me to grab onto it and regain some emotional control of myself.

I never would've thought I was anxious attached until a few days ago when YouTube started recommending these types of videos to me and now I have a whole new vocabulary to understand myself with. This is the best so far that I've found to address what I'm currently feeling. Thank you.

[healthychick]

Hello, thank you for the video. Here is my issue, its the abrupt stop in texting or change in pattern without communication behind it. I don't expect anyone to text me all day, every day. However if there is a break in the pattern, I would appreciate an explanation. "Hi, sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner, today got hectic, but i was thinking about you, couldn't wait to have some free time to connect" or something along those lines. It validates and reassures me which is easy to do and lets me know what space I hold in your world.

It's all about communication.

[BedsideAdvice]

OMG. Unbelievable. This is SO SO SO fitting to my situation and this helped me so much. Im so thankful, Thais. I feel much better now!

[damonchampion]

This is timely. I had an amazing lockdown Christmas 🎄 with DA partner where we were both more securely attached, there was an exchange of energy and everything went well. Now they are more distant again and we are seeing each other less and they are texting less. My AA subconscious mind is telling me something is wrong, however, I need and want time alone having a clear out and planning my 2021 goals. It’s like I have to have a conversation with myself and say “chill out 😎, relax 🧘🏼‍♂️, everything is great and as it should be 😌.”

[Nancy-dukg]

Yes please, I'd love to hear more about this for the different phases of a relationship. 🙏

[LoveLaughLin]

Thank you Thais for this video. You don't know how much this video helped clearing things up for me. I knew I had the anxious attachment style, but I didn't connect it to my interpretations regarding texting. When someone suddenly doesn't text as much and seems more short in their answers I immediately assume they're done with me and are gonna ghost on me. But I never thought that it could just mean that their texting style or expectations around texting is different or they value independence more. Thanks to you I can start to not take this personally anymore. I'm not there yet as I still feel this hurt with the guy I'm seeing, but it's a start❤️

[cameranserrano]

When people pull away from me, my natural reaction is to pull away from them. I'm not sure this is gonna end well lol

[cspencer]

This is literally like you spoke my entire situation out loud right now - I’ve been doing every single thing in this 😳

[mhspalding]

Hypothesis:
The sounds our phones make when we get a text are related to dopamine, right? Like gambling. That applies to all human brains but maybe for insecure attachments the sound might either validate their sense of self - like Candy (for the AA). Or the sounds might trigger an increase in anxiety - like nails on a chalkboard (DA and FA).