Why setting boundaries with a narcissist is so hard

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[Lena-clye]

The people who object to you having boundaries are those who benefitted from you not having any.

[cathywilson]

Parents that don’t allow their children to say no set them up for such a hard time in adulthood.

[zukketb]

It's been my experience that narcs don't believe in boundaries...unless they're theirs. 🙄

[Lindsay-Makes-Videos]

This reminds me of a personal motto I've developed this year - "there are worse things than someone thinking you're an asshole."

[wendybarker]

I like the sentiment of choose your discomfort, the discomfort of saying no versus discomfort of a toxic relationship.

[loljoyful]

My new go to: when someone asks me to do something and I check in with myself and imagine I’ll feel guilty saying no, that’s the signal that I do need to say no. Guilt is my new “No.” gauge.

[audrey_the_redhead_teacher]

I think narcissism victims are conditioned to accept boundary-pushing that half of the time, we don't even realise that we are uncomfortable with what is asked of or done to us...

[PurplePinkRed]

They don't respect boundaries. It's that simple sadly!

[FragmentsOfASimpleLifeASMR]

My mother's response to boundary setting is stonewalling, completely ignoring me, no communication. The person who goes back is always me, even if it's years later. Not this time, because the boundaries I was setting were about my kids.

[vr]

When you are a child, setting boundaries in a narcissistic family is almost impossible. The few times I did so, I suffered from the treatment of silence by all members of the family ... very hurtful, traumatizing

[pallavis]

I used to think there was something wrong with me till recently. I was going insane. I'm super thankful for your videos.

[emotional_allergies]

“Boundaries are often a privilege of the privileged”


BIG props for mentioning this.

[susannay.]

When a narcissist does give, they think it's so very precious.

[ka]

I gave a second chance and regretted it (and I didnt know she is a N at the time) . For those who been discarded please don't give 2nd chances they only get worse and you will feel stupid.

[yehudah]

A boundary is not only about saying no. That doesn’t make it a boundary yet. It’s about your decision, always uncomfortable, always getting out of your comfort zone, what’s your next move once that boundary has been crossed.

[sourgummiez]

Setting the boundary and the feeling of “letting someone down” deeply triggers my childhood traumas and baggage. It makes me feel like a small child with my parents again and feeling worse than anyone can imagine if I left I “did something wrong”. It’s horrible. I work on this daily

[ziggy]

All my life I worried about what others thought of me. Always pleased. Now, after a few years in therapy I don’t care at all what others feel about me if I decide to say no. I can smell toxic entitled people. It’s actually fun watching their tactics of them trying to get you under their control.

[clarasiewwl]

I’m uncomfortable setting boundaries because in the past and even now whenever I do set them, the narcissists in my life have reacted with scary rage outbursts, yelling, stomping, banging things around or the silent treatment and extreme defensiveness and contempt. So when I observe my anxiety and fear in setting boundaries, I see now that in a way my brain was “trained” to fear setting boundaries because it would always be met with a scary abusive reaction. And when I face a scary reaction after setting a boundary I feel so terrified like I’m in fight/flight/freeze mode and I have trouble breathing and panic attacks. Still learning and trying to be mindful of my own toxic patterns of people pleasing and codependency but the anxiety can be overwhelming and even crippling at times, especially when there are so many narcissists in my life (my own parents, my own partner, my current employer and colleagues) - they’re everywhere and I need to learn to be comfortable with my discomfort of setting boundaries, regardless of how others will react. It’s the abusive behavior from toxic people in the workplace that can be especially difficult to ignore

[annamayyy]

The most difficult part is having to let go of the other people that are connected to the narcissist but don't see any harm in it! And not opening up to those people because you don't want the narcissist to know details about what you are up to. Especially when it's family. Everyone has concluded that I'm crazy but it's fine I have my peace ✌️

[Elizabeth-ygmg]

My mother once asked me to scour antique shops for a nice wooden rocking chair, buy it and then haul it through the airport and onto my flight including a plane change from Oregon to Virginia so she could give the rocker to my pregnant sister, her golden child. I didn't have any problem declining that one....