9 Signs of Poor Boundaries

In this video, Dr. Ramani and MedCircle host, Kyle Kittleson, discuss the nine signs of poor boundaries that you need to know—and why people might have poor boundaries in relationships in the first place.

00:00 Intro
00:25 "We were never taught to set boundaries"
01:11 The effects of poor boundaries
02:14 1. Inability to make decisions
03:13 2. People pleasing
06:02 3. Excessive fatigue
07:54 4. Endless guilt about small things
08:49 5. Lost sense of self
10:58 6. Oversharing
14:00 7. Resentment toward partner's boundaries
15:26 8. Passive aggressiveness
18:22 9. Fear of rejection or abandonment

#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #medcircle #boundarysetting #boundariesarehealthy

[BSmall-yrqx]

I never learned to set boundaries. It wasn't allowed in my house growing up. As an adult I gave and gave to my family. I had the energy and money to do it. I'd fly across the country, drive hours to attend weddings, whatever was required. Then I was assaulted and left unable to work. I have a traumatic brain injury. 27 family members dumped me. 2 still call and show up about once a year to visit. Why am I writing this? Please begin setting boundaries now. And be prepared to find out who your friends really are. Don't wait until you are injured to seek and find real relationships.

[artymiss]

Regarding setting boundaries: I have discovered through practice that it is not so much saying "no" to others as it is saying "yes" to yourself.

[JABrinkley]

1. Inability to make decisions
2. People pleasing
3. Excessive fatigue
4. Endless guilt about small things
5. Lost sense of self
6. Oversharing
7. Resentment towards partner's boundaries
8. Passive aggressiveness
9. Fear of rejection or abandonment

[patricialongo]

My parents absolutely required me to have no boundaries. Then, the world turned out to be a dangerous place where I served everyone and owed everything.

[RenaWith]

I overshared like crazy after narcissistic abuse....I would tell strangers my life story...poor people they are looking at me like, I don't know what to do with that.😳 I was doing it to make sense out of all the stuff that is in my head. I was trying to get some reassurance from someone .. that I'm in the state I am for a reason...it was so inepropriate but I learned when I see people oversehering not to think they are crazy or inepropriate but to understand they are traumatized and they are just trying to get some sanity back. Get validated so they can feel not crazy.
Now after healing for years I probably undershare....just don't have a need for others to validate me or listen to me. So oversharing is I believe part of healing too. Don't feel guilty...say to your self it's okay darling, you are just trying to make your self feel better, it's okay, I love you. Selfparent and comfort the inner child any time.❤️

[TropicalRedFlower]

I definitely have issues with over sharing, then I regret it, I think it's a subconscious way to try to get validation and empathy, things I haven't had much in my life, I hate it when I do it 😬

[sylviaking]

I was trained by a narcissistic mother to be a people pleaser. People take advantage of it if you don't set stronger boundaries.

[kingdomthings]

Narcissists hate to be told no. When you say no to them, their behavior toward you will quickly change. Boundaries will reveal the "red flags" in someone, who is out to hurt you 😉. Don't ignore warning signs!! 🤗

[Cathy-xicb]

Women need to be OK with negative reactions to boundaries. Culture works against you, sisters, and you will be called a "B" or a "C". You would think that it would be men that would do that most, but it is other women who will snap back at you. So be prepared to be disliked or worse. The reward? Your self-esteem and your mental health. Go out and live your life.

[Msrojo]

Now I’m in my 60’s and I’m only just learning about boundaries. I was raised in the role of servant-girl. -Suffered greatly.

[falishatucker]

It’s a shame that I have noticed at a late age that I have poor boundaries all my life. Now I’m trying to correct them.

[veronicaevans]

An old bf from 30 yrs ago contacted me. Immediately started acting like we were a couple. I was very clear with him I did not want a relationship and put him in text-only ( same as my nar.mother). Last week he complained that I never initiate texts. Tried to guilt me into it with “am I a bad person?” I ignored the guilt and told him the person that wants something always texts first. And that I want nothing from him. It felt good to set a boundary!

[janathena]

As a newlywed I was so confused. My husband & his family walked all over me @ every turn. For example, my mother-in-law would call my husband @ 9:00 pm & invite us to dinner for the next night. My husband would say "what should Jan bring?" & my MIL would name an elaborate dish for me to make. I worked full time, we lived over an hour away & we invariably we did not have the ingredients to make the requested dish. I was confused, I was constantly dumped on, I was "baited" & I invariably was the one that looked a bit unhinged when I would react to their unrealitist pressure & demands. I was in uncharted territory & I didn't know how to navigate those unreasonable people. I went to several different counselors but they were of NO help. (There are a lot of really BAD counselors out there.) A girlfriend even advised me to set my alarm for some un-Godly hour to make whatever the requested potluck dish was for that week. They were incredibly disfunction "takers" & I am thankful that I finally extracted myself from that life.

[Juke]

Poor boundaries are what got all of us into narcissist relationships that lead to so much more abuse!!! I think setting boundaries is the key to staving off narcs and making them walk away knowing they can’t manipulate us!!! Light 💡 came on here! Thanks doc! Hugs 🤗

[NarcArtTherapy]

I used to think victims were the only ones with boundary issues. Actually it's lack of healthy boundaries in the abuser that gives them the audacity to abuse. The two go hand in hand. Thank you so much for this wisdom.

[thesfanatic]

I was never allow to set boundaries when I was growing up. When I was a kid, as a teenager, and in my 20's. I'm in my 40's now learning about boundaries, narcissism, gaslighting, manipulation, etc. I grew up with 6 narcissists. All almost drained me. I barely made it out. Now I'm nowhere near them. I have peace from them. Now all I need is the healing.

[curiousnetty]

After being brought up by a bullying father and an emotionally absent mother my boundary setting skills were non existent. Sadly my life has reflected this in all the ways described here. Since the death of my husband, instead of learning to set boundaries, I’ve simply abandoned people when I’ve felt them starting to take advantage, leaving many of them confused and upset.
I so wish I’d learned it was ok to set boundaries 50 years ago.

[AlbastrelAlbastrica]

12 min in re: oversharing. Trauma makes you vulnerable to over sharing because you desire to make a connection. That really resonated with me.

[anahitamirzaei]

Even if you are a people pleaser you don’t seem nice. They just find you easy to deal with and throw their anger at you. Being nice does not guarantee you’re safe from people’s dark side .

[sadiaarman]

" One of the reasons ppl overshare is that they might feel dominated or overwhelmed by a situation, and they are anxious to establish an attachment or a connection. They want to give, give, give. " Thanks