How to Set Boundaries That They Respect Part 3: Relationship Skills #7

In this video, I explain how you need to understand your realm of control in order to set good boundaries.
If we try to force, coerce, or control others sooner or later we are going to feel powerless. Instead, we need to create relationships of influence where we have the ability to control what we can control and have the most amount of lasting influence on the people around us.
I'll teach you the fundamentals of being assertive in a way that actually works.

Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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[kanaler]

How about tips for setting boundaries as a kid towards abusive parents or vs abusive "friends". Your tips focus a lot on how to say no to a child who wants something, well it is harder for a child to assert it's boundaries!

[workingmom]

This advice is geared more towards how to parent your child than setting boundaries with other people. Granted, one facet of parenting is about setting boundaries for your children, but when it comes to boundaries the problem most people have is setting boundaries with their grown family, friends, and co-workers.

[michellejarvis]

This is great advice for dealing with kids and healthy adults. It's impossible with abusers, narcissists, manipulators. They all enjoy disrespectful and abusive behavior. They thrive on it. This can be a roller coaster of failure when dealing with them

[davidroux]

What a gorgeous woman.

My struggle to set boundaries is connected with low self esteem.

[YasminYoruba]

I just want people to take NO the first time and not question it or try to keep pushing back on that no.

[amypola]

I love your videos!! Total revelation that vulnerability is an investment. Your videos are a great, very helpful, thank you.

[andreas]

Yes, the serenity prayer will release you to do the best you can and learn to let go...good mention Emma!

[sleuthed]

helpful vid, though I've been in situations where the other person simply refuses to respect your boundaries. abusers, manipulators, stalkers. over a long period of time, especially growing up in a verbally/emotionally abusive environment, asserting your boundaries even in more safe situations feels like an uphill battle and has made me very conflict avoidant. im no longer in that situation and want to promise myself to stick up for myself more, even in situations where someone is acting a bit like a bully (but not necessarily abusive), or if someone is acting (overtly or covertly) bigoted toward me for who i am. but I am uncertain how to cultivate these skills.

[valerierobertson]

Excellent!! Thank you😊Valuable, valuable, valuable.🙏

[izawaniek]

I love it and totally agree with what you said. Thank you for great advice.

[BobF]

This is superlative material. A book I read with similar insights turned my life around. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

[meocampo]

Hi there! I very much enjoy your content and really appreciated this video. I just wanted to caution you against the repetitive use of inviting the police in as a way to set a boundary. For some of your audience, especially audiences of color or folks with mental health disabilities, this could lead to severe injury, long term consequences or death.

Please consider there are other ways to enforce a physical boundary (community, neighbor or family help) beyond the use of an armed force that has been known to see people of color and mentally disabled people ad a threat and have time and time again used lethal force prior to asking questions/assessing the situation.

Much love to your efforts, please let me know if you have any questions.

[CaptainPhilosophical]

I have been struggling with my wife respecting boundaries. We have been in therapy, used multiple communication models, established agreed upon Rules of Engagement, vocalized specific boundaries, and very frequently all of that is ignored. She denies, minimizes, deflects, or feels I deserve the hurtful things she says and does. It has gotten to the point where I have recorded our conversations because of the above tactics. She will not accurately relfect back why I feel that is necessary and never acknowledges the hurt she causes. I don't want to live like this anymore. My personal therapist and spiritual life helps me tremendously but I just want off this roller coaster. I don't know how to deal with this anymore other than try to keep my frequency high and be peaceful and compassionate as a model for my children. This is tiring though because her negativity and poor conflict strategies test me multiple times a day 😒

[annaeskilstunagruppen]

Very clear and good! Unfortynatly the speech was a little to fast abd the signs did not stay long enough. But informationwise, i am most greatful 🙏🏼

[krisscanlon]

I enjoy your videos and the content and although it may be out of your area of study I wondered if you do any type of guided meditation videos? Obviously your voice is even-keeled and relaxing. Thank you for all you do.

[nadaahmed]

Could you please talk about healing from codependency?

[sinisudheer]

Please do a video how to build a friendship boundaries in teenage

[Calopteryx]

Hi Emma, what to do if your coworker/ manager lost his temper and stepped over your boundaries being intimative and hurtfull and when you make clear that your boundarie is reached, they hang up the phone or go home, but they have already done damage with you, How to deal with that person, to make Sure that they will respect you and your personal boundaries in the future, I believe they act out of impotence they are not mature or professional enough to act better.

[janaklotter]

Hi, just found your channel referred by a friend. You talk about the logical and natural consequences video, but I couldn't find it. Do you have it on your channel? Thanks!

[honeysa]

I think I need more examples on how, for partners and where to stops