10 Ways To Set Boundaries With A Narcissist

When you are with a narcissist, it is common for that person to set the pace for the relationship. Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists have blurred boundaries, meaning they attempt to take over your decisions. He then highlights 10 distinct adjustments you can make as you establish relationship boundaries. Narcissists want control, but you can choose to be your own separate person.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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Join Dr. Carter on our Facebook page, Surviving Narcissism, for a time of live questions and answers each Thursday at 11:30 Central Time, U.S.

[wheelerpat]

If boundaries don’t work...
Just slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.
You don’t need to be coy, Roy.
Just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus.
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself FREE.

[richardwalker]

This is a special place in Heaven for therapist like you who help us get our sanity back. No contact or grey rock works! These sick and pathetic people (narcissist) need to be replaced with people who love us for real. Thank you Dr. Carter! 👍🏻❤️🙏🏻🌹

[pocketearwig]

Narcissists: I love boundaries. I especially love the cracking sound they make as I break through them 😎 Narcissists have no shame. If you ask them to do things they’ll go out of their way not to. No one tells them what to do!!!

[shodack]

#6. When the narcissist is your husband and you can't discuss anything significant or emotionally important with them... :(

[lovinglife]

I wish I had a healthy guidance growing up.

[salliegallegos]

1. Understand what you’re dealing with behind the scenes with the narc. 2. Know your limits and establish limits 3. Make sure you’re listening to your emotions; feeling anger is the red flag 4. It’s okay to ignore their overbearing personality 5. Okay to say: I’m not interested 6. Do not share personal matters with them; they will use it against you. Keep yourself a mystery. 7. Don’t gossip with them. 8. When narc insults you, don’t defend yourself. They are projecting. ( Agree with them. 😂) 9. Don’t try to change their mind or join your way of thinking 10. Invest time and energy in healthy people and who make you feel good.

[betsyhood]

And don't respond when they start to tear down the healthy people you spend time with.

[exhaustedwife]

It is a daily battle. One has to literally reset boundaries every day, sometimes multiple times a day and then be prepared for an over the top reaction when they are thwarted.

[diane]

It’s so nice to see Gus awake in the background looking at us. I feel like he is offering support. He is such a beautiful dog.

[cakeboiplayz_rblx]

When I set a boundary this is the response. "You are getting aggressive"

[mLify]

I've noticed that the most stressful, aggravating moments with narcissists are when I feel like my boundaries are being violated but I'm not speaking up and reinforcing them. Once I start calmly defending those boundaries and stop playing into the narcissist's game, the stress goes away. It still takes a lot of practice, but I'm getting better at it. It may not happen right away when a random narc catches me off guard, but I'm at least able to quickly steer the ship around once I see what's going on. It's really empowering to beat them at their own game by refusing to play the game at all. 😊

[luvinme]

I make sure, I don't share any personal info at all. That would be a mistake.
Yea They constantly talk bad about people. Like they are above everyone

[nancytrotter]

Challenging when the people are your sibling and spouse. Exhausting.

[thekellers]

There is nothing more therapeutic after narcissist abuse than seeing the world through the eyes of healthy people. Feeling their shock at what we’ve endured their outrage helps us feel what we ought to feel instead of going numb. Then the feelings of peace and joy take over soon after Thank you so much, Dr. C (and Gus) and others in these comments

[ElizabethScottStress]

It took me YEARS to figure out #9 (Don't try to win them over to being a good person by being kind to them)! I wish I'd realized sooner--I kept thinking they just needed to feel better about themselves and tried to build them up, but they don't change. Thank you for the great advice, Dr. Carter. I wish I'd had access to you years ago! (And Gus is SO cute!)

[miriamevans]

I had to remind a narcissistic family member, that an invitation is NOT a summons to appear.

[calcunningham]

Good fences make good neighbors.
Robert Frost

[Samrulesever]

They hate it when you set boundaries, and may abandon you. But as somebody with standards, you cannot go along with them. It’s ok to let them go. Don’t let them push you around.

[karenjkampskamps]

He always plays the Victim
Whenever he is off and home I feel so weighted down, like something is on my back holding me down.

[meggallucci]

You win the tug of war when you go no contact.