5 Signs Your Narcissistic Husband Is Secretly Gay

Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:07 Sex always feels artificial, forced, robotics or inexperienced
03:02 They obsessively notice male bodies
03:54 He May bring a random men home
04:38 He has strange and questionable history of romantic relationship
05:18 He has toxic shame round his identity
06:13 He has wried grooming and dressing habits
06:57 You always feel there is something hidden in the expression

[EarthborneArt]

Whether they're straight or gay, they will start an argument just so they can storm out and be with their lover.

[annmariemccooey]

Do not ever, ever tell a man like this that you know he's gay. Do not ask him if he's gay. RUN.

[TheCompulsiveCreative]

I was married to a man for 20 years that stoped all physical intimacy early in, right after our son was born with severe physical and mental disabilities. I was consumed with raising him, had to leave work and care for him full time, and so needed my husband’s help. I don’t have family.

We lived in the heart of a forest off-grid. I was totally isolated. The nearest village was an hour away.

My husband would tell me at first, that it was just all the stress. He worked 16 hours a day for a company we had built together. Over time, his excuses started changing to nitpicking my appearance. I wasn’t attractive enough. I didn’t have enough curves. I was too fit, to strong, because I lived a pioneer lifestyle of heavy, manual labor. I was also too feminine. It was stupid that I wore make-up. I didn’t dress “like a woods woman, ” yada. I tried to ignore him and just be me. I know you can’t force someone to feel attraction and who would want to? He always denied that he was gay. He always said he loved me, but there was just always an excuse.

So then he tried to hide behind a feeder fetish. He told me he was only attracted to morbid obesity. He tried to force feed me. He refused to buy me any nutritious foods. He would pinch and measure me. He put up pictures of obese women on the walls that I tore down. He put stickers of them on his truck, etc.

I fought it all for 8 years before he really started eroding my self-esteem. I never gave in. I told him that I was disturbed that he’d want me to be unhealthy to satisfy him sexually. I accepted his non-interest but stayed faithful and focused on my kids and animals. I had built MY life at that homestead.

Then, I got critically ill. I spent years sick, ending up fully-paralyzed with a differential diagnosis of ALS. I was not expected to live. My online friends, the only ones I had, organized a fund raiser to help me get to Mayo Clinic. My husband had to work, and my oldest daughter brought me. I was trying to keep it together as I was wheeled in to the first exam—only able to move my head, terrified, and my husband chose that moment to text me that he had been having an an emotional affair.

I did everything in my power not to cry or act afraid in front of my kids, but that was the lowest moment of my life.

When I got back, we started talking about it, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t have other priorities. I expected I had months left of life, at most.

About a month later, he was getting ready for the company Christmas party and dropped it on me casually that he’d never been sexually attracted to women and had known it since he was a kid. He’d been cheating on me for our whole marriage with many men. It wasn’t something he tried to tell me with any amount of concern for how I might take it. That I had feelings wasn’t something he seemed to recognize, ever. Then he walked out the door to go party and left me sobbing on the couch. He expected me to STILL stay faithful. He said he didn’t want a divorce.

I started getting better. I divorced him. When he left, he abandoned all parental duties.

I largely recovered my health, physically and mentally, moved across the country with my son, changed my name and married a brilliant and compassionate man. Life is fabulous, now!

[vanessavega]

I hope men who are doing this to their wives are reading this! Stop it! We don't deserve this and neither do our children!

[Roni]

As a woman, go with your instinct. If you think he's gay or bi, he is.

[l.]

I think my narc ex-husband was like many narcs and was bi-sexual. I think he would have sex with anyone who flattered his ego. He actively pursued women, but he spent a LOT of time on 'camping' or 'fishing' trips' with his guy friends and they seemed a little 'too close' in their friendships. Sex was mechanical and without passion right from the get go. I once asked him if he were gay and he denied it.

[HeavyJ]

I believe Narcs will sleep with anyone male or female who desires them. It is a massive ego boost for them as well as the psychological thrill of control and domination over the person.

[Narrow-Pather]

The ones in the closet should stay single rather than marrying, producing, and destroying the lives of others.

[tamikic]

Thank you for posting this. My ex-husband hated women, avoided sex and EVERY form of intimacy. Sex was as you said, robotic artificial, terrible. He was auto-erotic, had only one turn-on: feet. He rejected me sexually and in every other aspect. Passive-aggressive, full of rage, shy, and ashamed, a classical cerebral narcissist. He always exhibited extremely abnormal "disgust" towards homosexuals. I suspected he was gay. This video helped me realize I was not crazy :)

[cj]

So on point! It's sadistic how they will deceive a women's entire life all because they cannot face who they are.

[dragonwithagirltattoo]

I wonder about mine. Sorry to say it. I have no problem with gay people. I do have a problem with deceit and lies though. If you are gay and know it, don’t ruin another life by pretending you aren’t.

[cathtf]

It makes no difference if you are gay or straight. Bringing home diseases to your partner is a big risk. These guys will put their pregnant wife and unborn child at risk of severe illness without a second thought too. Pure filth.

[lillithmoon]

You just described my ex husband. He was a very religious Muslim who would avoid having sex with me and constantly tell me I was sick for wanting sex so much. He also would say hateful things against gay people, but was obsessed with the male body and followed tons of muscular men on Instagram. When I told him that it was something a gay men would do, he almost punched my face.
He would spend a long time in front of the mirror obsessing about his physique and wouldn’t leave the house until he looked perfect. He was extremely secretive and lied constantly even about little things. He also talked down on his exes and called them crazy, but I was becoming crazy during the relationship because of how controlling, critical and emotionally unstable he was.
It was the worst relationship I’ve had in my life! I’m just glad I was able to escape alive.
I hope he burns in hell for the way he treated me.

[blumondayz]

When they are cowards full of shame, they will blame their “feminine” tendencies on being molested, or being raised by a single mother. FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION! It will never steer you wrong.

[catalinafirefly]

You could catch the fool in the act and he would still say "I'm not gay, I have a Wife/GF"

[elemuri]

My narcissistic gay ex husband used another tactic: he made me believe I was at fault for our poor sex life, that I was frigid and cold... The truth is that after some time I lost interest in him physically... He was clumsy and inexperienced, sex was boring and a routine, and only once a year at most... But it "was my fault".

After our divorce, I discovered I did have a healthy sex drive, enjoyed and craved it normally... All those years, 23, thinking it was my fault.

[hawkspirit]

This resonates totally! My ex narc husband first act of violence towards me was when I caught him sleeping with another man. I was heavily pregnant with our first child. I was patient and understanding his shame being it was the early 90s and people were not as accepting of bi or gay men. He used women as a means of financial support, and for his sexual deviant behaviour. Fast forward almost 30 years and he admits to a few that he would like a relationship with a man. He still uses his charm to gain favours from women, but ultimately does not like them. He sees them as competition for attention. I still wouldn't trust him, and still vomit a little in my my mouth when I think of the intimacy we shared. He was thinking of men, not me. There's not enough soap in the world to wash that feeling off.

[deb]

I believe my husband of 30+ years is a closeted gay or bisexual man. In the process of divorce at present. He is also a malignant narcissist. (My extremely studied but not officially diagnosed opinion). To the best of my memory, we have been physically intimate 6 times in our entire marriage, once being right on the edge of being violent. He used every excuse in the book, from being "tactilely defensive" to " it'll disturb the cat" sleeping in the middle of the bed to aches and pains.You name it, he'd use ANY excuse. A former friend of his told me that my husband would frequently stroke his arm and tell him what great shape he was in. The friend would get mad but that didn't stop my husband, who would then complain that I was getting in between the two of them as friends. The last "intimacy" I had with him was 14 months into our marriage. Sex was wholly unsatisfying and alienating. A couple of times I told him of my loneliness regarding sex. His reply was "all you have to do is climb on" which revolted me. I wanted the emotional intimacy more than the physical intimacy. I stayed because I was afraid of his off-the-wall rages that would happen out of the blue. I often times had no idea why he was enraged. There has been physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse, financial abuse. Everything was my fault. Gaslighting was common. He lies as easily as he breathes, about anything and everything, even stuff that makes no sense. But making a move to leave put me at a level of risk I was scared would happen. The divorce was brought by him shortly after my Mom died. He was well aware that there would be an inheritance involved. He and his lawyers are hot to get that inheritance, even though it's not legally mine yet.I still cannot wrap my brain around what kind of deviant he is to be screaming about that before the estate is even out of probate. I don't think I'll be able to introduce in court the possibility that he's gay or even that he's a narcissist since it's only my opinion and not a clinical diagnosis. Bottom line...the narcissist will stop at nothing to destroy you in every way possible.

[your_mommy_issues_are_show]

People that destroy the lives of others to hide being gay should be charged with a felony. Thats abuse and abusers should be in jail.

[Emefur]

“ Sex always feels artificial, forced, robotic, or inexperienced” 💯. Absolutely spot-on. My short-term narcissistic boyfriend was in all those categories. I have never seen this written about anywhere else.