CPTSD: Are You So DEFENDED You Can't CONNECT With People? (Resilience Series #6)

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[sunflowers]

I walked off the job because I was so triggered at how someone spoke to me. my mantra has become “you teach people how to treat you by what you allow/accept/stick around for” flight response always kicks in. if I detect a hint of disrespect, my soul says “oh honey!!hell no!” I don’t know any alternative. what can I do instead?

[ann-louisegustavsson]

I push people away. I can't handle what feels like lack of connection. Makes the relationships strained and forced. My biggest fear is that people don't want to be with me and I am a part of creating that. It breaks my heart and I feel so much shame over it.

[jowyschwarz]

Im always defensive, can't even relax and i feel disconnected from my self and other people, im always tense and cant unleash my true soul/personality..it's exhausting and lonely

[ThinkPIONEERing]

I’ve been solo most of my life... everything I try to connect with goes sour... I’ve reached the point where I just don’t invest in people, bc they’re fake... I’m a very kind person but the truth is, I’m alone out here...I’m 💯 percent sure I’m not from this planet...I seem to understand everyone but nobody takes time to understand me... now that’s what being lonely really is... and it’s fucked up.

[Themis]

Truth is 95% of people are two faced. Also, I lost so many so called close friends when I finally told them about my childhood abuse. They gradually distanced themselves from me till they were all gone. I just have my dog now. I have no one. I can't believe i thought sharing my traumas would gain me more support and understanding. But people can't be bothered with friends with mental health issues.

[kristinawelsh]

The short answer to this question is yes. I’ve recently come to realize that I’ve been defending myself my entire life. It’s exhausting and because of this I have no close relationships with anybody. I wind up damaging any relationship I get into.

[stellabandante]

That's it. We don't have to wait around for other people to love us. Other people need our love, and there are countless ways to give it. And, staying calm, not reacting to perceived insults, is a superpower.

[bec]

I’ve struggled all my life with this. I constantly go between ‘am I pushing people away?’ And ‘am I a narcissist?’
It’s really confusing to understand.

[NewWorldAstro]

Wishing everyone who is isolated, lonely and confined this Holiday, Love & Peace as we move into 2020. Stay Strong 💪🏼

[aerielately]

Does anyone else struggle with finding other people interesting? I’m doing the work to reach out and make connections but I sometimes am unmotivated by how utterly dull everyone I come across feels.

[trinity]

I’ve always felt all alone in a room full of people. Never had friends and long for someone to love. I’m so glad I found your videos.

[CarniBarbie]

Yes...loneliness is slowly killing me. 😢

[leesalovely]

This would be me...my defenses are so high that everyone is a threat and treated as such until they show me they're not. I don't even have enough energy to make a bunch of rules...

[karinacg]

I have this feeling in my chest that I can’t explain ... I think it’s loneliness, it feels like a huge hole it’s uncomfortable

[Forthright]

Wow! My loneliness comes from a constant state of feeling unsafe. I feel there are too many untrustworthy people and the negativity of news and other media only seems to enhance those feelings. I try to control my triggers by not getting too consumed in these things. Recently, a relative took advantage of his elderly mother by adding himself to his mom’s personal bank accounts, making himself executor to her assets upon death, telling her the paperwork she was signing equally distributed her assets amongst their heirs without providing her copies of her signed documentation. I was emotionally distressed for my relative. I have had difficulty getting over unsafe feelings and was reminded of how unsafe I always felt as a child when my uncle used to molest me. How unsafe I felt at home because of my mother and father’s unpredictable temper and the physical and emotional bullying my sister and I experienced by my brother which my mother ignored. My family is here visiting from out of state this weekend and I’m dreading their visit. I lost a patch of hair. I’m desperate to overcome these feelings and have inner peace. I know only I have control and responsibility over my feelings but I’m so tired of feeling helpless and unsafe. I’m so sad and isolated inside.

[nightsky]

Being discriminated (as a gay boy) since a child, I fear connection with people. I find it hard to make new friends & meet many people.

[BriLamberson]

As always Anna, I feel like you speak right to the heart of how I function. Hearing you describe these behaviors out loud makes me a feel like I understand myself better. It’s a little embarrassing to see how controlling I can be. But I also see there’s grace. Love how you touch on why we control, where that came from, and how to heal beyond it. Thanks for your work!! It’s always so helpful.

[lindarizzo]

You bet Iam, and I'm gonna remain this way, it works for me to keep the wolf's away! There's much to defend ourselves from in these days!

[all]

Check the issue of alienation due to specialization and industrialization, leading to loneliness. It is imposed on all of us by necessity of economic development and organization due to civilization, especially in a highly competitive society.

[dianaboughner]

Thank you Anna. I feel a lot of love and compassion for others but I am defended because I can't seem to let anyone in after a horrific relationship a few years ago. Yes, I feel lonely a lot but not all the time as I do like myself, also my privacy and my endlessly curious and always learning mind and soul. Being a very socially friendly person and warm and caring does not mean I know how to make deeper connections with other people now even though I could do this easily in my younger years. Family connection is 75% a very sad and painful alienation. When I am very depressed about all of this my heart aches and breaks deeply and I have to pull myself out of the dark emotional pain after allowing some grief processing. What works for me is watching stand-up comedy, going for a walk (especially in nature), writing things down as you suggested in another video, or some kind of social connection like volunteering. 💕