Do You Feel AWKWARD Around People? CPTSD and Why We Isolate

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[beeeb]

This really does not speak to me. My problem is that I am so considerate of others that I attract a lot of people who think I am the listening post. They will discuss their problems for hours on end if I let them but have no interest in anything I might say. It is very easy to be too nice in this culture. It is just regarded as weakness and makes you an easy mark. I am getting less tolerant though as I get older and learn more about narcissism. I think this listening post behavior started in childhood because my mother is a compulsive talker with absolutely zero interest in anything I might think or feel and I had to just take it for years.

[jillainenewman]

I can "act" well in social situations, but it's always a relief to be done with people and be alone again. I chronically isolate.

[sws]

I feel I’m good with manners and know how to behave in social situations but the abject inner terror I feel inside is always there behind the smile.

[calvinryon]

I’m fine when it’s just one person. Groups i can’t function in socially. I HATE going out with groups UNLESS i know everyone in the group.

[johnborland]

I get I’m weird now. I do, but it only feels safe when I’m alone, so at some points I just need to isolate so I can feel safe again, take my armor off, and just relax. It’s not good for me to be on high alert all the time either.

[bookmouse]

Sometimes I just don't like being around people, it's as though I have to explain why I exist and the reason I'm taking up room on the planet.

[sarastepp]

I feel like a giant 5-year-old who was forgotten at kindergarten most days! There is an almost palpable oozing of gooey shame, and my whole body squirms with discomfort and anxiety. ...Any added pressure, or direct confrontation, and my whole apparatus gets flooded with fight-or-flight impulse, and I either leave or quickly depersonalize in a situation I can't remove myself from. ...I meditate and exercise to reduce my physical stress symptoms, but I have anxiety about the *possibility* of having social anxiety!!! Of course, I just come off as goofy and awkward and inconsistent, but mostly likeable because my genuine warmth and authenticity usually come across despite the puzzling oddness. People who are exceedingly sensitive and empathetic put me at ease, and it's much easier to be fully present. I know I'm not really selfish and self-absorbed at my core, but the awkwardness of social anxiety pulls me away from the needs of others, and back into self-oriented behavior (I'm weird, am I weird, what do I do with my hands, I laughed too loud, does my face look weird when I smile, I laugh weird, why aren't they smiling, oh gawwwdd, I'm so stupid, no one likes me, I hate myself, no wonder people think I'm dumb and weird, I ACT dumb and weird, oh gawwwddd, I'm so awful, why can't I grow up and get my sh*t together like a normal adult, ughhhh) ...I'm exhausted from trying to even stabilize my internal experience, and ashamed of my brokenness. Basically, self-absorbed and prone to isolation. ...THANK YOU for helping us to understand how we got to be this way, and offering us practical tools to heal and grow into healthier, more functional people.

[Mauteaches]

Yes! Its like I never received the manual on how to be a real girl!
Everyone around me - my whole life - seems to naturally know how to behave in all situations. For me, its like creating a new path, every time.
I crave belonging to a group, but never feel part of it once I join. So I quit.

[dulstrik]

I started a college class a couple of days ago. I'm almost at the end of my undergraduate program. Just a few more classes and I'll get a nice shiny degree to mount. This class is an entry-level course, so I'm in it with a bunch of 18-19 year olds as a 31 year-old. I've been in school for a while, as work and life gets in the way, so I can't hunker down full time. I do the best I can. My path has led me here. I went back at 24 and felt semi-normal at the time, as people pursuing graduate degrees were my age. I was still able to fit in with the crowd as a normal student, so chitchatting and making friends wasn't too difficult.

Today, however, I am definitely too old to be mingling with most of my coeds. They're just in a different chapter of life than I am. I sit in my class and my professor tells everyone to greet the people sitting around them. She says 3, 2, 1, GO and immediately, the entire class is filled with the noise of everyone chatting with each other. I look all around me and everyone adjacent to me is talking to someone else next to them. I try to say hello and am ignored. One person sitting diagonal to me says hello and I thought her name was different than it was. I couldn't catch her name through the noise and when I finally got it, she gave me this very quick look of frowning disapproval before avoiding any further interaction with me for the rest of class.

This look that she gave me is a look that I've been given my entire life. It is a snap-judgment that basically says "I want nothing to do with you." Despite having a soft heart and a desire to connect as much as anyone else, people are so quick to decide that I am a broken person and best to avoid before they even get to know me. And as someone who has trudged through life mostly alone, with no partner or children, with a few friends who live far away, and with no family, I have to say, it is extremely lonely, depressing, frustrating, and defeating.

I looked around this room and watched people smiling and laughing like they've known each other forever and felt so alone, despite being surrounded by dozens of people. It is one of the most horrible feelings I've ever felt and I've never experienced it so intensively until that exact time. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemies.

[mothmama]

I feel heard. Thank you. My awkwardness is such a burden and I hate it.

[fromtheparkbench]

I ended up in a homeless situation, and oddly enough identified with them best as, if you get to know them, they are a big group of "us". I am out now, in a an apartment, but/and/hang on to my new friends that are also graduating off the streets. We have created out own cohort, and spend time talking about stuff like this, and encourage each other to stay straight, get back to school, start a business, but most of all go back and help those that aren't out yet.
I am sharing this video with them. Such a relief on their faces when they see they are not alone in this, and yes, someone important out there identifies/feels the same way/understands and can explain where the mess in heads is coming from.
She's great! Very educational, inspirational and helpful! 👏

[Babayaga]

Connect with socially graceful people.

Guiding principles:
Be gentle with other people
Become trustworthy
Be humble
Pay attention to others

[johannarivera]

Wow, the watching others to learn how to act. I really feel that. I’ve been doing it my entire life

[anneugartechea]

“Don’t look at me.” That was my motto as a child and is my motto as an adult. As children, the less interaction between an alcoholic parent, the more likely one is to survive (mentally). This rolls over into adulthood. I’ve studied people for ages but, social cues can be very subtle and varied. Your session today is spot on. Add this to the list: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. I’m either a wallflower floundering for the correct response or a hyperactive “I know what this!”. Four walls and a door mean safety. And, being in crowds is like a cat walking through a room full of rocking chairs.

[sandraelaine]

Wow. I searched "adults who isolate" and chose this video and just read some comments. I'm 64, sit at home, every day, hate noise, some food textures. I love my pj's. I go weeks without talking to anyone other than the cashier at the grocery. And I hate bras. It's nice to read the comments and totally relate. And I think people who isolate tend to be intelligent - I am so put off by "chit chat". I'd honestly rather stay home with my dog than try to socialize with people. It's just more than I can take. But I'm going to watch more of your videos and see if there's anything I can do.

[snapcrackle]

People always have some sort of self-serving agenda. Once I figure it out, I avoid them and when forced, I'll be polite, but that's all. Boundaries are life saving!

[Wormwoodification]

I've been isolating for about 5 years now, the longest stretch, and I do feel weird. More myself but very weird. But I can't function around others. I need that space to be alone just to be able to breathe and think clearly. Around others i am so stressed my head is cloudy and i feel dizzy and I can't make proper decisions. So then I chatter too much, and people please, trying to subconsciously control the situation by being whatever they want/need. I don't recognize what I'm doing until I'm alone again. Then I cringe and damn myself for over sharing. Embarrassment haunts me for weeks after a social interaction. It's too much of 'being another person' when I'm around someone else instead of being myself. Who wouldn't be exhausted being someone else all the damn time? But I don't know how to stop, it's so instinctive and tied up with anxiety I can't control it in the moment.

It's interesting to hear it can come from childhood neglect. I did notice when I was around other families as a child they were different. I'd call it "normal" now. For instance I had no idea that when someone says they're going to do something, makes a plan or a promise or anything, they actually do it. I'm still shocked when I meet people like this, people who do what they say they'll do. My mother would just forget I asked or forget she agreed or she would have some grand emergency that was more important, typically "life threatening" and "required hospital". I use quotations because she was paranoid and delusional and made up things, things that weren't true. In fact later she would say she had believed wrong and the 'truth' changed daily. I learned to believe whatever she said was true and that truth changed on a dime. Growing up where what you are told is reality when it's highly irregular and probably not true makes it very hard now.

(ex: mother: "That person is a thieving drug-dealer child molesting psychopath. Don't trust them." Reality: they actually are a perfectly normal person and none of that is true for the rest of the world.) See? My childhood was filled with discrepancies just like that. Now as an adult ... I either don't trust anyone, or I am too trusting (believe too easily- getting sucked into their reality or the lie they want to tell) and it gets me hurt. Liars can lie and I'll buy it while the whole time subconsciously being scared they lied. And people telling the truth might be lying so I'm subconsciously afeared of that the whole time.

Isolating really helps. I don't feel under constant threat from some 'life threatening' ball about to drop. People make me panic because at such a young age all I knew was panic. But now I've gotten so awkward I can't bridge that gap between me and other people. All my social skills seem eroded. I attract inconsistent people who act just like my mother and .... I hate that so I just ... don't seriously try anymore. I probably should address the issue but there are so many issues to address now. It's not a matter of willpower. I struggle just to get through the day.

[trizthe]

Yes i feel tgis all the time..so insecure and overthinking over analysing everything.. And i feel shame so easily and for a long time afterwards.

[juliadixon]

As a kid, I was bullied BECAUSE I was so socially awkward. Found out that I am on the autism spectrum at 53. The source of my trauma was my peers. Now I'm so far inward that I have no idea how to get out. Since I got clean from benzos 5 years ago, I have had no social life whatsoever. Just stay parked on my couch watching videos and playing games. I am not stereotypically autistic--no stimming, echolalia, lining up objects in rows, spinning in circles--but I remain awkward af, with insane problems with noise, light, and tight undergarments. Fck bras! Now what. Isolation is linked to dementia, which killed my dad, and will likely kill me too if I don't check out first.

[tomdixon]

I have to force myself to be correct in social situations. I am relieved when it’s over. I hate forced social situations at work, such as celebrating somebodies birthday. I enter in the middle of it and as soon as I can I get out.