CPTSD: Are You TRIGGERED by ABANDONMENT?

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An intense reaction to the feeling of abandonment is one of the harshest and most common adult symptoms of Complex PTSD (or Childhood PTSD). In this video I share an excerpt from my online course "Dysregulation Bootcamp," a 20-day course that helps you identify and heal triggers and calm the symptoms of early abuse and neglect.
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[dawnross]

The way you described the physical sensation of absolute dread really resonated. No-one's ever got that before. Thank you 🙏💙🌻

[idkidc]

the weird thing is.. when i'm around someone that i love i often fear getting abandoned. but when i'm alone i just do my thing and i often feel much better than i did with them?? the fear is the worst part. also my entire family betrayed me so.. i know i can survive on my own. i wish i was alone in the wilderness forever tbh. i dont like people at all.

[firetopman]

Your childhood was extremely difficult from this story. How utterly horrible. You are such a beautiful flower to emerge from that. God bless.

[jillainenewman]

The man I love ghosted me recently. The panic and agony are extreme.

[victoriamorgan]

Wow. When you said that rejection felt like a toxic chemical pulsing through your veins....that is ME. Exactly me. I have a lot of work to do.

[CherishedbyGod]

This is probably one of my biggest triggers. I'm so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and driving people away. I'm terrified that once people see the real me they will reject and abandon me. Those fears have been reinforced over the years by friend after friend disappearing from life. Either just no longer being there even when I beg, drifting away in general cause we grew apart or explosive arguments and hate where there used to be love. This fear is making me terrified of myself because I know my unstable behavior undermines my friendships and the closer I get to people the more explosive the fallout can become. Having my closet friend go from caring about me and going out of her way to express how much our friendship meant, to three weeks later cutting me out of her life and returning letters in the mail, it has triggered an intensity of pain and disregulation that nothing else ever has. My whole system is still in shock close to a year later. How do you trust yourself and those close to again after such rejection from someone you never saw it coming with?

[lalou]

Today, when I saw a picture of my ex out with some college friends. I had a panic attack just from a picture. Now that I think rationally about it I am glad he is out overcoming his social anxiety. In that moment all I felt was "he’s giving his love to others in a way he was never able to give it to me" and "him giving others the love I never got, makes me feel so much less". It’s just scary what scripts are activated. But I’m glad I don’t go into complete shock for days anymore.

[busigos]

I’m amazed of all the patterns I see in my life listening to this. Procrastination and hurrying cycles. Constant fear of abandonment. I’m coming out of depression, this gives me new tools to live!

[deniseherud]

This really resonated....thank you. I have this fear of abandonment as part of my Cptsd/anxiety disorder package. I have a very small number of people I trust but I get triggered when there’s any kind of sense of distancing. I don’t trust that the distance is just little or temporary or not really a thing. Part of my fear is feeling like I can’t make it as a grownup....that somehow if someone isn’t there to be like a ‘backup adult’ I’ll just wig out and wind up homeless, crazy and totally non functional. I normally am hyper-responsible, it’s just that in the back of my mind, it’s like, if someone isn’t there to have my back, I’m going to spiral into nothingness. It feels like driving fast on an icy highway with no brakes and I hate it. EMDR has helped with the traumas but these triggers are still there.

[aam]

My parents argued from 4, divorced at 6, mum left at 6, emotionally abused by my caregivers, dad left at 8 and committed suicide at 10, mum came back married to someone new who used to abuse me. The older I get the worse it is. I wish I got help all those years ago

[danielc]

The tribe had abandoned me decades ago. I believe a lot of people misunderstand my standoffishness as narcissistic but, little do people know that I have a avoidant personality due to my past. As much as I long for a "soul mate" or a twin flame in my life, I have to concede that I'll more than likely live the rest of my life in loneliness.

[lozoft]

This is complicated by my ADHD. My impulsiveness makes me so much more sensitive to the vibes people put off and how they react when I screw up, and I panic easily. My entire life I've been trying to match the abilities and behaviors of neurotypicals, especially the expectations of my folks (no surprise there), and every failure is just more heartbreak

[sharonr]

I was severely triggered by having to put a much loved cat down this week. The emotions were so overwhelming and I am doing my best to show myself love and compassion.

[suziemckenzie]

I’ve not long been diagnosed with this and after some research have realised I’ve been suffering this for years due to abuse in family home and then of course relationships afterwards. Being a workaholic for years and a people pleaser put me at breaking point, I was diagnosed and signed off work. I start my ‘recovery’ tomorrow, a ten week programme. Loneliness has been the worst for me, and for years. I’m more accustomed to it as I age but as a result I’m now a hermit. Emotional flashbacks are something I am prone to and seem to be triggered quickly and I can blow up. My temper has been a problem for me and I’ve had a few brushes with the law. I’m not a bad person. I just can’t regulate my emotions when triggered. I’m so caught up in outrage I loose control for a few moments. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want my scars to be seen by others and I’ve seen some people’s eyes when they see me angry, like they see past it. That hurts more than anything. Because all you want to do is feel someone cares and knows your pain. Understands why you are the way you are. And it’s complex alright. I’m a friendly outgoing person. So when I snap it shocks people and I feel embarrassed. I’ve been sexually, physically and mentally abused. After that trail of destruction came more over the years from bad choices in men. I need to really fave up to my demons and put my past behind me, I don’t want to be in this same pain in years to come

[GypsyJulie]

My mother, who I am estranged from, died Saturday night. I needed to hear this. Thank you for all you do!

[brendancoughlan]

Great video and usual. We are so fearful of abandonment that we put up with toxic people when we shouldn't. We don't trust ourselves. We second guess ourselves when we should simply trust that gut instinct.

[ginettegrenier]

I could totally relate to the feelings of dread. I literally felt I was going to die! Very scary.

[yuliashtukareva]

You are such an amazing and warm person! I feel nutured just watching you and seeing that you overcame all that gives me the courage to work on myself. Thank you!

[jayjacqueline]

My abandonment trauma was triggered by a new friendship with a coworker when she took a job with another team. The feeling of overwhelming danger, fear, and sadness seemed to come out of nowhere and has been triggered many times since then, mostly by lying thoughts in my head. It never bothered me as a young person, probably because I didn't allow myself to develop close emotional bonds. Is there some correlation between the onset of trauma triggers and aging?

[sherrydee]

I always thought that all children were treated like I was until I got into intense therapy & learned that I had an exceptionally abusive crew of caregivers in my life. So, when I married a somewhat less abusive man, I thought this was love. I still don't think I will ever be able to say that I love anyone again. I love life. People, for me, are just a form or annoyance most of the time. At 67 years of age, I know that my abusers did not mean to mess with my head. They did what they were taught to do. I tried not to repeat this abuse with my child. I was not a perfect parent, but I know I wasn't the same as my own were to me. My abusers made me a strong survivor & a weak link in my chain. The family bloodline will not be carried on. My one child will not be having children of her own. I'm fine with knowing I won't have to worry about seeing them abused by the world of sick people we have in America today.