Childhood PTSD and ANGER: Is It Ever a Good Thing?

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Anger is natural when we visit past experiences of abuse and neglect during childhood! We are encouraged in some modes of healing to "feel our feelings" and vent the anger. And it's true, anger is a step up from self-hatred and depression. But when we amp up the anger, is it genuinely relieving our emotional wounds or is it making them worse?

In this video I talk about the role of anger in recovery -- when it's healthy, and when it can become traumatizing (and hurtful to others) in its own right.
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[JoeCoxJr]

You have done a great thing for everyone that was traumatized during childhood. first you have given them validation. next you have given them a process to heal. therapist did not work for me. I went through healing before I found you... I healed through energy healing. That is why today I am a, youth speaker trying to find those kids that have fallen through the cracks, the forgotten ones, the lost ones, the ones that see no way out.
Blessings

[Managamasplymiad]

I had an amazing revelation in therapy. Mentally balanced people don't try to control you with dirty looks and withering glances. Ever and certainly not on a regular basis. Not so obvious to someone with PTSD.

[coccinella]

"I was afraid that if I lost my anger, I would have no defence against abuse and pressure from other people". This sentence is key for me. It explains much of my behaviour growing up. I get a lot from your videos, thanks so much Anna.

[milaalt]

I felt being angry means your bad. If you are a bad person you are not perfect. If you are not perfect you don't deserve to be like other people or exist. Being angry does not have to be bad....what can you learn.

[gailfagan]

You’re describing my early childhood. There was a LOT of violence in the marriage and done to myself and my brother, not my little sister. I was born in 1952 and there were a LOT of us. Just getting a handle on things now CPTSD, and dismissive avoidant, just get up and leave we’re my pattern. Now I’m 71 yrs old and married 45 years thanks to God. He’s got issues too. Complimentary for a long productive relationship. Both working on improvement now because neither of us want to leave.

[sarastepp]

I'm slowly learning to identify and manage my own anger (which I didn't even knew I HAD until a few years ago, haha!). Certain situations trigger anger for me: feeling helpless, abandoned, judged, put under pressure to perform without adequate preparation or support, basic fear, feeling ignored or belittled, feeling betrayed, and often, unconscious emotional flashbacks to abusive/scary situations from my childhood. ...Your experiences with anger in yourself and others soooo resonate with me, and I'm slowly coming to understand that anger has its place, and it can be useful, but also easily overplayed. I'm learning to not fear expressions of anger in others around me, and working to uncouple my extreme fight-flight-freeze-fawn response to the anger of others. I have a right to feel angry like anyone else, but excessive anger can become a crutch, and it can undermine effective communication and create obstacles to healthy trust and intimacy in the relationships we hold most dear. ...Tricky stuff, but I'm right there with you learning how to live a healthier and happier life.

[lynneivison]

Totally agree. After 30 years I finally found a therapist who said 'who likes angry people' where all the other help I had been offered me were telling me to 'get in touch with my anger', Once I wanted it to be removed, it went. One of twelve steps is 'became entirely willing to have God remove all these defects of character'. While I thought it was useful and a defense I kept it as a weapon which mostly I used against myself.

[bigneon_glitter]

It was after a job loss, in part caused by my anger, that I realized that I was consistently angry & had been for 25 years. A deep, raging anger. I thought to myself, "When did it start?", because I never viewed myself as an angry person.

That reframed all of those pinpoint moments of hurt as genuine violations & abuse. And then it made sense.

[lalawawa]

it was my acupuncturist who told me I was angry, and I was like, "whaaat??? no, not me." thank you for another spot on video Anna.

[njbccvk]

Im sorry you went through that shit Anna.
I understand you completely, My mom was violent and ABUSIVE.
I lived through constant Drama and gossip.
As i got older, i could see that my mom was nice to the rest of the world.
Once tou realize that it creats more Anger.
Now im trying to change 50 + year's of my life.
Thank you so much for your Advice. ❤

[runwiththewind]

Anna Runkle, thank you for helping me understand me. You bring to light the little boy inside of me so deep I see his tears and feel why.

[innervision]

it’s Christmas eve and i’m having such a dysfunctional night. This popped up at the top of my recommendation list at such a helpful time. I watch your videos regularly but this one was sent at the right time. I grew up around drunken abuse and have reacted violently to people who mistreated me and i felt a lot of guilt and shame for it for very long but your channel has helped me better understand and navigate my experience. It makes me incredibly grateful.

[WmsYTpage]

Just the other day i randomly started writing, and let it give way to a spewing of anger and hate regarding past, memories, upbringing etc.. I let it out completely on paper. The next day, I picked up the stack and casually fed the pages one by one into my paper shredder. Coming across this video now was a nice coincidence. Thanks for posting! 👍

[mirisarah]

I am so glad I found your channel! I so relate to all that you share. I seem to be stuck at the moment in that overpowering anger, taking control in every confrontation...then come the regret, the guilt, the depression and the isolation. I work so hard at interrelationships and anger is the one thing that throws it all back to square one, it seems....you give good advice, I want to give it a try....Thank you for your help.

[Leftatalbuquerque]

No drinking in my family, but RAGE, RAGE, RAGE. Violence. Breaking things that you are trying to fix and making them worse. Throwing tools at people. Smashing the piece of machinery (or person) with whatever was at hand. Beating animals for no reason. I've seen it all - except for the drinking. Everything in my world was character driven.

[lemongrove]

I loved Harriet Lerner's book on anger. Now I can look at it as helpful information. For me, it usually means I am fighting something, either emotions or circumstances I don't want to have to deal with, or things I am tolerating that really need to change. But I don't want to, so I convert it into anger. Then I can choose to turn it on others as blame, or on myself as shame. I usually choose shame. It's funny now that I've realized most of the distress comes, not from, say, disappointment, or hurt, but from trying so hard not to let it in! You're right about having to get reacquainted with the whole spectrum of feelings. They're actually not too bad at all.

[JessieLee_]

I know this is a few years old, but I really related to what you’re saying. My stepdad was the alcoholic, abused my mom so I’d hear her yelling some, but it was him throwing, calling names, and hurting her. After I moved my mom would snap back at him, so I do get what you’re saying. Plus when I was younger and in my 20s I was an emotional reck and I looked for chaos and now that I’m 43 without a bunch of therapy dealing with my childhood trauma/ ptsd. Which I had different kinds of trauma bc I’m an SA survivor, but again I only went to counseling as a teen and to this day haven’t dealt with it. I must say I do enjoy a more peaceful life, and don’t love the chaos like I once did. I get my feelings hurt really easily and take so much to the heart and I do still deal with all that trauma and it does effect my relationships sometimes. I’m always feeling like people are going to leave me as well or are mad at me when they’re not. I’m no professional but I know I need therapy so bad. Thanks for your video, I just related ❤

PS-new subscriber 😊

[jennifermontgomery]

what a blessing u are. i am now able to identify feelings and know why i am depressed angry unhappy. thank u.

[tomdixon]

“The Dance of Anger’ says it is a myth that it is healthy to express anger with rage. Never express rage.

[christopherrosado]

I can relate and anger is the emotion I'm most uncomfortable and hesitant to express. I hate violence and loudness so i still struggle to regulate. This channel has helped to educate myself. My relationships have been damaged and i feel ashamed about it. I want to get better