Resentment: A Trigger for CPTSD and Dysregulation

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What's the difference between anger and resentment in Childhood PTSD? Is it really so wrong to be resentful? Isn't there a risk of becoming a forgiving "doormat" if you lose the resentment you carry against those who wronged you?

In this video I explain the everyday toxicity of resentful thoughts, and how to use my Daily Practice to release resentment and fear, and gain more clarity, and more power to make choices in life.

10 Emergency Measures to Re-Regulate:

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[christinereid]

All I can say is, "where have you been all my life?" I am nearly 57 years old and have never come to terms with my childhood trauma. When all the uncertainty of the current pandemic and its repercussions really started to trigger me, I came across your videos. PTSD?! What? Everything you talk about resonates with me. All these self-limiting, self-destructive, self-sabotaging behaviors that I NEVER associated with my past trauma are exactly the things you describe. Dysregulation. BINGO! It's not laziness or procrastination to the point of death by impending deadline because I am an adrenaline junkie. Now I find out that my resentment issues are also a part of the whole mixture? After two days of literally self-combusting from resentment because my kids who are both living in other states did not send me a card on the first Mother's Day neither was at home. Spiraling straight down that rabbit hole that starts with they are ungrateful after everything I do to make them feel special and loved and ends with I am not really a good mother and I am not worthy of their love and respect. I can not wait to start your writing exercises and work through your other videos. 57 is not too old to finally have clarity! Thank you for all that you do!

[steinman]

I would say that the worst part is the nerves, being hyperalert 24 hours a day, waiting for the next explosion.

[fadiham]

Every time I feel low, dysregulated, lost and confused, I watched a video of yours and get a sense of clarity, understanding and empowerment. Thank you

[ericad]

I feel like ive been waiting my whole life to get better, thank you for paving the way to healing

[AugustAdvice]

Makes me so sad, I was raised by a very narcissistic alcoholic mom and around the age of 6 I can actually remember a conversation with myself that I had inside my head while she was having one of her "episodes". I realized in that moment that I needed to be a chameleon and mold myself to her unstable emotional needs otherwise I would be abandoned. There was no other way. This has followed me into my late 20s, in dating, I find it very hard to be my authentic self, constantly feel judged, feel crazy for no reason, a little too agreeable and I find myself getting cheated on a lot. This year has been a breakthrough for me, I can see the pattern for what it is. The pain helped too, when you get tired of being kicked, you stand up. Sometimes I find myself having phantom arguments with my mom inside my head, but then I catch myself and stop. She has never admitted to or acknowledged any of my pain. The closest she ever got to an apology was when she said, "I dunno, maybe it's because my mom left me." I felt sympathy for her, but also anger for doing the same thing to me.

[CatEyedGoddess]

Years of therapy and I am still struggling. Someppl don't realize the damage these so called parents do.

[ikigai]

Anna mentioned writing and journaling - they truly work and have helped me. Anyone dealing with childhood trauma and neglect should consider trying these methods. The key is to be consistent and keep practicing. I also recommend the book by Kamal Ravikant, “ Love yourself like your life depends on it” for anyone like me who struggle with self-love.

[DanaNovak]

Thank you. I noticed my problem, educated myself about it, but you are the first one giving a practical solution. I can not write on paper because of fear somebody might read it, so I write on my whiteboard whileI talk into my phone. Just offering a solution for those that fear leaving paper trail too.Thank you again.

[hhowlerin]

I believe healing from CPTSD is very much like cleaning a dirty toilet and learning to do it with a smile and not dread it.

[lizadolittle]

Everything that happens big or small is devastating in a PTSD mind and immediately sets me back. Just now getting back to who I am. It takes time, patience and understanding with yourself. You have to love yourself the way you never were in childhood, not selfishly and spoiled but with tender, gentle mercy. Never give up, don't ever stop healing learning and growing! God bless and much love. I love your videos and they have helped so so much! Thank you!

[Askadareify]

Thank you for that exercise! When I started writing down my resentments I was able to recognise that they were all based in fear. That shifted the energy immediately. Instead of feeling frustrated that others were withholding what I needed and deserved, suddenly I could see that all the underlying fears that cumulatively had me frozen, were all either nothings or at least manageable. I feel primed for action now. That such a simple exercise could produce such a sudden shift is a beautiful gift!

[lilahmartin]

I feel like this will really help me to stop ruminating all the time. I love the analogy of trying to find what tree the leaves came from. I TOTALLY do that! Then I feel guilty for loosing so much of my day to internal stress...which stresses me out lol. Hang in there everyone ! It’s a process. 💜

[houndmother]

Thank you. There is also a 12-step resentment inventory that is helpful, there's pdf's online

[kassi]

I liked learning how to address and release resentment and that there is a difference between anger and resentment.

[ldoxey]

The power. That's the word that takes over my life. I feel that I have no power. None. So everyone, EVERYONE, controls my life. I have no control. I can't seem to get mastery. I am so tired of trying to get back on the horse.
When are those close to me going to care enough to try to understand....just me.
They don't want to hear it.
I am a doormat. Always have, always will. Can't change it.

[bn]

Thank you, how does one identify justified anger vs resentment....especially dealing with perpetrators that helped create the childhood trauma? Thank you again for your generosity of knowledge and reasoning

[nuritlanyado]

I also lived many years with the feeling i lost my self, i dont know at what age, but there was a moment to moment abuse. Reading the coments here, i am seeing for the first time, that many people go thruogh this...

[SilverCottage]

I am so very glad that i somehow found THE CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY! I really needed to hear all this at this time, and I SO agree that giving up resentments is very important. Having been emotionally savaged as a child (with an ACES score of 10 out of 10), I had lots of deep resentments against my mother which were mirrored onto OTHER people as well, but as part of my religious practice, I had to find a way to "forgive" her. Talk therapy just triggered me and made peace more difficult to obtain.

I really like the mental image in this video of fears and resentments being leaves on the car's window. We need to see clearly and can't, as long as the leaves remain. So we have to sweep them away. I have been working on this for years, and these videos appeared in my suggested YouTube stuff JUST at the right time to help me further understand my CPTSD and also to give me strong clues as to where my practice is going right and where it is failing me. I very much appreciate these.

I would like to contribute to the conversation on this topic by adding that developing short SCRIPTS to use when faced with difficult triggering circumstances has been VERY helpful for me personally. When the resentments against parents arise, I sweep the leaves off the windshield by saying to myself "Everyone does the best they can, and none of it is good enough." Obviously, this is a true statement, and the degree to which it is true varies WIDELY. It lets me off the hook, emotionally, for my failings as a mother just as much as it 'forgives' my narcissistic, cruel and crazy mother who tortured me as a kid. Maybe this wouldn't "do it" for everyone - but this is the way I have developed for myself, personally, as a way to NOT get bogged down into the memories, and the whys and wherefores, and who "should have" done this or that.

Of course, both of my parents are dead and I never have to face whether or not this forgiveness would make me feel obligated to have some sort of contact with them. I DO have a sister who participated in the torture, both in childhood and in our adult lives, and I do not have any contact with her at all, though I opened to it about 10 years ago and it was a mistake. I got hurt in the process, so I decided not to go near her again. (She had only contacted me so she could steal my portion of our inheritance.)

Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy for all the work you've done on these videos! It's just what I needed and is very compatible with the path I'm on now.

[haleymakenna]

YES, I doubt myself constantly...I go through life not being able to rely on my emotions of being of accuracy. I’ve been dealing with this so long but I’ve just recently come to the conclusion that this is what I’ve been dealing with & your videos help confirm it. You’re so insightful & helpful & im going to try writing down my fears and resentments. THANK YOU! You’re amazing! 🙏🏼

[themaggattack]

Oh, wow. Resent=
Re (again) -sent (sentient/ to feel). 🤯
Yes, we need *awareness* and even sometimes anger, but we don't need to feel it again and again and again.

"You with less resentment, that's you with more clarity, and more clarity means more choices about how you want to proceed."

THANK YOU SO MUCH for explaining it this way! 💝