How To Deal With Toxic & Emotionally Abusive Parents | Shaykh Omar Suleiman | Faith IQ

The khutbas we hear mention the default of honour of the parents over the child. The best way to deal with any situation of toxicity or emotional abuse taking place is to talk to both parties and assess where the lines have been crossed.

Often the justification we hear is "my parents" did to this to me. This is where an aunt or uncle needs to step in. The parents should be willing to sit down with their children and help them sort the situation.

Shaykh Omar Suleiman answers and explains...

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[nabilakhan]

Most of the time conversation solves nothing, they are not ready to accept their mistakes and to listen to us. We will only be seen as ungrateful and too modern.

[verystraightforwardjas]

The first problem is I can't talk about it without crying. The second one is that my toxic father wouldn't even listen.

[heheheenzzz]

They don't even recognize they're being abusive. This is the point

[soothingmind]

I really wanna be a mother just to prove 3 things :
1. A child can be taught manner and discipline without detrimental criticism
2. I can be my kid's best friend ( specially during his/her teenage years)
3. I can love my child unconditionally (their appearance doesn’t matter)

[thehaffytaffy]

Brothers and sisters who are struggling with family abuse, May Allah give you the strength and patience to make things easy for you and to deal with it all. Ameen My duas are with you ❤️

[OVIEDOGS]

The fact that I had to look this up . I’m desperate.

[agxec]

Abusive parents often destroy the lives, mentalities and fates of their children more than enemies outside the home.

[mimik]

It’s sad that us kids have to be the mature person in these situations. Honestly my “parents” have too much pride to admit they are wrong in these situations so I’m going to be depressed for the rest of my life 😔. I wish they would just listen.

[akilasultana]

I’m sorry. But having sex and producing a child DOES NOT give someone a “right” over that person. It gives them a RESPONSIBILITY, to care for that child. That child does not and will never belong to their parents, that child belongs to the divine creator. “Honouring” a child is not having ownership of that child. Everyone seems to miss that in the Islamic community. As parents you are not in ownership of this life that has been given to you. You are responsible for having sex. Take ownership of your actions and therefore the responsibility that comes with it when you have a child. We are human too and when you hurt us in any way you will also answer to the same god who gave you the responsibility of taking care of us emotionally, physically and psychologically. Parenting is no joke. Do not. Have a child. If you can’t be a parent. Anyone can give birth. Any woman can do it, any man can provide semen. It doesn’t make either person a mother or a father. Action is what speaks truth. People too often confuse this entitlement of being a parent by god as a gateway to acting any way they want without taking responsibility for the pain they cause real human beings and really really damage us.

[hafsakhatun]

I have a toxic family. My father and siblings made me cry every single day. I still have hope that one day Allah will brings Justice to me.

[shakeib]

It doesn't matter how much a parent hates or treated badly their children, the children will try their last effort to love their parents and to find a reason to forgive them. It's that time when the string breaks and then the children claim that their parents are abusive. So whenever a child says that believe it. A child never wants to hate or unlove their parent. Children are innocent.

[User-uwuw]

Why would a child lie they're being emotionally abused? They wouldn't

[evamoni]

Some people just don’t deserve to be parents.

[deebahusain]

It is not the child's responsibility to start the conversation, it is the leaders that need to address these issues more and more with khutbah's and dialogue to the community can be educated. At no point should the family be used as a punching bag. Please initiate more work in this area

[hiqayath]

A child can not hate their parents without being hated first.

[aishat]

I have an advice for anyone going through this that worked like a charm for an emotional abuse victim. Stop arguing, keep silent, remove your emotions out of the situation and maintain a calm emotionless expression. I am not talking about physical abuse. I mean when you wake up happy and the abuser just wants to mess up your day with the usual. Do not let them change your mood. Be silent and let the words drone on. Do not talk back even if you are right. Also make dua for Allah to grant you inner peace and immunity from the abuse. This is a test with a huge reward when passed insha Allah. Passing it is to depend on Allah. He loves you.

[Rawan]

There’s no way an abusive parent will give and take. My dad is an A* student in physical and mental abuse and so many ‘family members’ tried ‘talking’ to him to stop. I got a part time job to support myself whilst studying medicine and just left home.
If anyone lives with an abusive parent and they’re harming them, please be brave and take control of your life. Don’t let anyone harm you. There’s always a way out!

[piratequeen]

He's stuck in the concept of communicating through someone else in the family. But I've never seen any aunt or uncle supporting the kid over the parents.

[yusraansari]

Do you know how it feels when you dont have much friends and u love your family so much but your family treated like a garbage they treat you unequally, showed you anger, always telling you how much we have done for you, abusing, beating, getting angry and shouting on every small mistake and never showing their love and never understanding their mistake.I can't even tell you how many times i have cried just because of my parents.💔

[amalali]

My mother is the most abusive person, she hates herself and takes all her anger on me. She searches for something wrong I did or even if I didnt do anything. I got emotionally verbally and physically abused my whole life. I hope my mother suffers in hell. She stole my happiness and my light.